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The other day I was eating lunch with my daughter Frankie. We were enjoying cream cheese and jelly sandwiches. As meals sometimes go in my house, it turned into a battle of wits to see who could trick the other into taking a bite. After a mad flurry of bites mixed with screams and giggles, I ended up with cream cheese smeared on my face and strawberry preserves matted into my hair.

Somehow during the battle, I bent my fingernail back, so I wrapped a wet paper towel around it as a makeshift bandage. My dog also jumped into the mix, swiped a muddy paw on my butt and pulled my shorts down around my knees. I bent down to scold her, and when I straightened up I cracked my head on an open cabinet door. I instinctively jerked my hand up to massage the wound, and along the way caught the edge of the Cheerios box dumping cereal onto my feet and the floor.  In the confusion, I stomped and squished the Os into a dusty mess and got a few stuck in between my toes.

Once the calamity was finally over, I took a step back and looked at myself in the mirror. I-was-HOT. I mean, its no wonder my wife is so into me.  I was hot enough to eat right then and there, especially if cream cheese, strawberry jelly and cheerios turn you on.  I don’t know many guys without kids who could pull off a look that this, but us Dads look damn good coming out of a food fight with a toddler and the family pet.

I was so inspired when I looked in the mirror that I decided to jot down this list of reasons why we dads are way more attractive to women than young dudes with pomade heads hanging out in clubs until 3:00 A.M. Read it and weep, fellas.

Top 10 Reasons Why Dads are Hotter than Guys Without Kids

10. We have incredible fashion sense. Armani? Hugo Boss? Psshaw. You can get 10 pairs of cargo shorts and a Corona T-shirt at Target for around $14, and you’ll look just as sharp as David Beckham. And, our busy work schedule creates a distressed, casually-wrinkled look that says, “I am comfortable in my own skin. I dig me.”  The man makes the clothes, the clothes don’t make the man, know what I’m sayin?

9. We have a keen sense of economics. Dads instinctively know that Ski-ball doesn’t pay out. Three 500’s in a row only yields, like, five tickets. The real money games are Ball-Into-The-Frog’s-Mouth and Basketball Challenge. These are low-risk machines. And we are not afraid to shove our kids out of the way, so we can whack a ton of moles in the last 10 seconds. We also understand cost/benefit. No child of mine is going to blow 10 tickets on a cheap spider ring when you can get an LED spinning top for 20.  Guys without kids spend like $50 trying to win a giant panda – where the hell is a lady going to keep that thing anyway? Dads know that giant stuffed animals are garage sale or Salvation Army fodder.

8. We are natural leaders. I was running a meeting at work the other day. My agenda dealt with important, corporate things like broadening demographic and market penetration. At the end of the meeting, when I could tell the other attendees were totally enthralled and hanging on my every word, I closed with “What’s gonna work?” To which, I got a resounding, unanimous, almost deafening response of “Teamwork!” You know you’re hot when you can get a room full of people at work to recite the motto of the Wonder Pets.  Guys without kids have no idea how to rally a room full of mostly parents to do anything more than go to lunch.

7. We have sophisticated palates. Dads know good food, which makes each and every one of us a serious, sophisticated gourmet. Even blindfolded I can tell you when there is not enough milk in the Mac & Cheese or the powder hasn’t been mixed well enough. And don’t even TRY to slip EasyMac past me. I know the difference. I am refined.  You know the single guys without kids are still eating rayman, right?  They may take you out to a nice restaurant, but I guarantee their cupboards are bare.  Dads pantry (and fridge) are stocked with good food (and beer), and everyone knows that women love men who can cook.

6. We are hyper-mechanical. A while ago, a buddy and I had a contest to see who could change four D-cell batteries on a toy motorcycle the fastest. Timed tasks included cutting open the battery pack, finding a Phillips screwdriver, opening the toy, replacing the batteries and turning on the toy. When finished, we threw our right hand up and waved it around rodeo style. We tied at 6.08 seconds each. Michael Phelps could never beat that time. Ever.  Guys without kids are too busy flexing or making sure the ladies are watching them complete every task.  Meanwhile, dads are getting things done, and women like men who can fix battery-operated devices quickly.

5. We have irresistible physiques. Everyone knows that women subconsciously LOVE flabby dudes. They go after the ripped, low-body fat guys only to draw the jealous attention of portly, softer men. They see us as more stable and substantial. Its true, I saw it on the Discovery Channel – the show was called I’m Bringin’ Flabby Back: 10 Reasons Why Justin Timberlake is NOT Sexy.

4. We are battle-tested. Dads are tough. We have nerves of steel. We have been through the war and seen many, many battles. We have the scars of poop-losions burned into our brains, and we have first-hand knowledge of the miracle of birth. Hand a dude with no kids a poopy diaper, a moldy cheese stick and a spit rag filled with puke and watch him run like scared little school boy. In the same situation, we dads would shove the diaper in the stroller, the cheese stick in our mouth and wave the spit rag round-and-round above our head, while screaming “I love the smell of napalm in the morning.” That, my friends, is tough, and tough, if you didn’t know, is HOT!

3. We are fluent in multiple languages. At some point in time, every person has walked by a dad with his child in the market and heard him say “Uh-uh, no binky. A boo-boo? Finish your baba so we can have din din.” This not only showcases our intelligence and vast rhetorical range, but also it proves that any one of us could be a secret agent or spy, if we wanted to.  Guys without kids only speak one basic language, “Hey baby, what’s your sign? Lookin’ mighty fine in them jeans. Wanna come over to my place and grind?”  I mean, come on, it’s practically cave talk already.  Where’s the creativity – the ingenuity – of making up words like “abadabadadilicious?”

2. We drive hot cars. Most women I know hate sports cars. Ferraris and Porsches are small and uncomfortable, and they scream “over-com-pen-sa-tion!” Not to mention, the flashy colors and shiny wheels strain their eyes, and the roar of the engine just makes them feel sleepy. Dads know that women like station wagons and minivans because they are bigger and plusher.  You can “do” more things in them, you know? In addition, the warm, damp aroma of food and animals is a major turn on.  Trust me guys, get a van or wagon.

1. The #1 reason why dads are hotter than guys without kids? We no longer put ourselves before our families. You got it (thought I was gonna throw out some silly, sarcastic reason, didn’t ya?)! We will lay down in traffic for our wives and kids, and women find that level of commitment irresistable.  We create loving environments and we are strong for our family. Dads put others first, and selflessness is damn HOT!

Even with a spare tire and thinning hair, I know I’m hotter now than I’ve ever been in my life because I’m a good husband and father. Big props to all the good dads out there who know what it means to take care of your family.  And to all you guys without kids reading, you too can join the ranks of the hottest men on the planet once you become a responsible and loving father.  In the meantime, have fun at the club driving your Ferrari and eating out at fancy restaurants (bastids)!

Matt Pfingsten is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad.  His personal site is The Playpen.  You can also connect with Matt via Twitter @mattredsparks.

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Like a Thursday night race at Charles Town Racetrack, it seemed like several ‘horses’ were contenders in the first hundred yards.  At the halfway point, there were two running neck-in-neck, or should I say eye-to-eye.  After the final turn, though, one took the lead and never looked back, crossing the finish line amidst a roar of cheers from the parents in the stands and a river of tears from the kids by their sides.

So, who is this sensei with the eyes of steel, capable of turning kids to stone a la Medusa?

A total of 103 votes were received, and the winner with 45 votes is……

Jessica from Jessica Knows!!!

Master of Optical Discipline

Voters agreed that Jessica knows “The Look” that could stop kids cold in their tracks, and from the sound of her husband’s comment, it works on grown men too!

Originally, this contest was just going to be for fun – a way to lighten things up and celebrate the end of the summer; however, I did manage to pick up a fun prize for the winner.  In addition to the title of Master of Optical Discipline, Jessica will also receive this “McDreamy gets me Steamy” shirt!

In addition, since there were so many great comments, e-mails and messages from voters, I randomly selected John from ModernParent.org to receive this “Homer Simpson Heavy Weight” shirt:

Thanks very much to all of the participants who helped make this such a fun contest!  Each one of them have a “look” that I’m sure works wonders for their own kids.  Hope you had fun – now go start working on your “look” to get ready for next summer’s competition!

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Nothing like throwing me into the deep end of the pool right off the bat!   Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do.  It would depend on the situation and how it was presented to me.  I’m sure that I would be sad and disappointed for her because I know from experience that it’s not easy having a child at a young age (my first came when I was 20).  I’d much rather my kids enjoy high school, college and early adulthood without adding the stress and pressure of becoming a parent.

I will always love my kids though, no matter what happens, and a situation like this would not make me feel any differently toward them.  Having said that, I am a strong believer in personal accountability.  Assuming the pregnancy was a result of a consensual situation, then as the saying goes, “If you’re gonna play, you gotta pay.”  If the pregnancy was a result of a non-consensual situation, well, that would be a devastating and painful problem and I don’t even want to think about it.

As for how I would treat the guy?  Let’s just say that he wouldn’t be on my buddy list.

Phil asks “What difficulties, if any, have you had with having kids from two marriages? My own dad was a wonderful, loving, attentive father… to his second marriage son. Me, he ignored almost completely. Do you find yourself having to work at being a balanced dad, or does it just come easy for you?”

Geez, this was another softball question   I’m sorry to hear about your experience Phil – it’s disappointing to hear when parents allow divorce to be an excuse for not maintaining an active role in their kids lives.  I am very fortunate to have a good relationship with my daughter Chani’s mom (my first wife).  We both love Chani very much, and while we don’t always agree on every detail of raising her, we do try to seek common ground on things and do what’s best for her.

I’m not sure if I can pinpoint one or two specific things that are extremely difficult to manage with having kids from two marriages.  It adds a layer of complexity to being a parent, and it requires flexibility and commitment to make things work.  Much of your life revolves around visitation schedules and creating opportunities to spend quality time together.

Does being a balanced dad come naturally to me?  It does now, but it took me a few years to learn how to do it. Lori and I waited several years to have kids, so that helped us get the time and opportunity to incorporate Chani into all aspects of our lives before adding another child into the mix.  Obviously, I don’t get to see Chani every day, but we make the most of the time we do have together.

Jenny the Bloggess asks “What is the worst possible question I could ask and still be within ‘the bounds of decency’?”

Whew, I was beginning to get worried I’d have to tackle every major issue in my life here.  I knew I could count on you Jenny to lighten the mood.  My wife would prefer that I not describe any private parts…of our life.  You know, nothing about our hot as pavement in the summertime sex life.  I probably shouldn’t talk about the size, shape or thinness…of our bank account.  And, I doubt that I would answer any questions about how my plumbing works…in my house.  Other than that, I’ll pretty much answer anything

Lori B asks “What do you love most about your smokin’ hot wife? And what do you like least?”

For those of you who don’t know, Lori B is my wife and this is a loaded question.  In the spirit of sharing though, the thing I love most about you is your intelligence, and the thing I like least about you is your intelligence (I don’t like it when people are smarter than me, except for you honey ).  I actually do like it when people are smarter than me, but I don’t like to admit it to them.

Charlie on PA Tpk asks “What time is it?”

Game time!!! (in my best Ray Lewis voice)




Tom asks “How is it different raising a girl versus raising a boy? What ten bits of advice would you give a young father-to-be?”

This answer could be two entire posts Tom.  Great questions.  I am definitely more rough with my son than my daughters.  I’m still playful with all of them, but Ty and I literally wrestle, tackle and jump on each other evey day.  I’m softer and gentler with my girls.  I’m also more protective of my girls, whereas I might allow Ty to take more risks.  There are other differences, but for the most part, I try to be consistent with them all.

10 Tips for a young father-to-be? (Speed tips) 1) Get over yourself – it’s not about you anymore, 2) Sleep a lot during the pregnancy because that is going to change fast, 3) Plan on being involved in your kid’s life – adjust your schedule prior to the baby coming, 4) Don’t believe everything you read in books – experience is the best teacher, 5) Be confident in your parenting potential, 6) Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, 7) Be a good dad AND a good husband – not just one or the other, 8 Save your money – invest in college fund early, 9) Focus on what you get from a child, like unconditional love and fun family experiences, rather than what you give up to have children, like partying or friends, and 10) Be genuine – be yourself around your kids, minus the swear words.

Cory Huff asks “Are you willing to tell people about your other business ventures? What else do you do besides Discovering Dad?”

I talked a little about this on the interview I did for Soapbox Radio.  In short, I publish several websites, including the educational resource sites American History Quotes and World History Quotes.  I have a corresponding blog called Thoughts On Quotes as well.  I have a few others, but those three plus Discovering Dad are the ones I spend the most time working on (Discovering Dad is my main blog).

On top of that, I am the Vice President of Creative Content for ArtisticPursuit.org.  I’ve worked with this small start-up company for over 2 years now.  It is essentially a social network for artists of all genres, as well as a place where artists and fans connect and discover new talent.

I’m also very involved in the local community, and I was elected to the City Council where I live almost 2 years ago.  I’m currently up for re-election on August 5th, so wish me luck!

In order to make a little extra money for the college funds, I do new construction draw inspections for a bank network.  I used to own a home inspection business with my cousin that we both worked on part-time, but we decided to close it down in January due to the downturn in the market combined with the price of gas and insurance.

Finally, there are many business projects that I’m working on in connection with Discovering Dad, and I’ll share them with you as they progress closer to launch time.

My most important job though is taking care of the kids.  Lori’s parents help us out 2 days a week, so that I can schedule meetings and get some focused work done.  It’s a juggling act, and Lori and I often feel like ships passing in the night.  I enjoy all of the things I do though, and I’m thankful to be involved in so many rewarding endeavors.

OCanadad asks “Do you think Canadians live in igloos and ice skate to school?”

No. I think all Canadians search for beer and wear their jocks on the outside of their pants, “eh?”  Here’s my evidence:

Strange Brew Clip

That was pretty accurate, right?

Jojo asks “Have you had any time to sit down and put some head phones on and listen to a smokin’ playlist?”

Jojo is a friend from cre8Buzz, and we’ve talked often about the importance of having a good music playlist on your profile there.  I took a lot of time putting together a cool playlist that I could cue up in the background while doing work or cleaning around the house.  Jojo, and others, have said that it’s also a motivational group of songs for doing laundry.  As for sitting down and listening to a playlist with headphones, I’m not really a fan of headphones.  My computer has a killer speaker system hooked up to it though, and I have been know to blast it when I come across a good song on a person’s page.

Chris asks “How do you find the time for blogging?”

The quick answer is that I make time for blogging, usually at the expense of sleep.  The real answer is that I am working toward a goal of making a living as a writer and publisher, so just like any other job I have a schedule that I work from to get things done.  Granted, it is a flexible schedule working around nap times and other professional responsibilities, but it is a schedule nonetheless.  I do most of my writing between 11:00 p.m. and 2:30 a.m.  Then, I approve comments, message on Twitter and otherwise promote my sites as I find time throughout the day (in between poopy diapers, feedings, community meetings and work on other projects).

Ed asks “I keep hearing about the rolled up skivies and how that particular quirk is a must when it comes to stowing away your laundry.  What gives?  Isn’t that an extra step in the folding process?  Time is–well, time and I don’t have time for extra steps when I’m folding laundry for 7.  I’m just saying.”

Military habits are hard to break man.  At this point, I think it would take me longer to not fold them that way – it’s automatic.  Plus, it stresses me out not to have my underwear drawer in order.  Weird, I know.

Mishelle asks “What’s the hardest part, for you, about parenting a teen? What about a toddler? And, a newborn?”

The hardest part of parenting a teenager is dealing with the attitude.  My oldest daughter is such a great kid, but the fact is her world is changing quickly.  At fourteen, she is still trying to figure things out and wanting to fit in with her friends.  I want her to cling to her innocence and not get so wrapped up in stupid teen drama, but it’s hard to prevent that from happening.  Empathy and patience are things I have to remind myself about often with her.

My son (the toddler) also has a big, fat attitude, only he doesn’t rebel with words; instead, he throws himself on the floor kicking and screaming.  He is particularly fond of banging and throwing his toys when he doesn’t get his way.  Like my teenager, his world gets bigger every day, and he struggles to know how to express himself clearly.  He gets frustrated easily, and it is hard for me not to get frustrated too when I’m not able to understand what he wants.  Again, I have to remind myself about being patient with him and helping him to learn how to communicate and express himself more productively.

My youngest daughter (the infant) is pretty easy to take care of right now.  If she’s hungry, she cries – I feed her.  If she has a poopy diaper, she cries – I change her.  If she’s tired, she cries – I sway her to sleep.  The hardest part about taking care of an infant is that sometimes she doesn’t want anything and yet she cries, so I go through a process of elimination trying to figure out what she wants and usually end up with poop, pee or puke on me as a reward for my efforts.  The hardest thing for me, right now, is trying to figure out what it is she wants or needs to be happy.

Thanks for the great questions everyone! Based on the response to this post, I will let you know when the next round will be.

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