Life is full of challenges, and parents teach their kids a lot by how they deal with adversity.  Here is one Dad’s story about How to Deal with Getting Fired:

I work in marketing and advertising.  This means I get fired.  A lot.  Unfortunately, being laid off comes with the territory in this career field.  Over the years, I’ve read many books on transitioning, job-seeking, interviewing and networking, but I have yet to come across any literature that deals with how to gracefully deal with getting canned.

Recently, I lost my job…again…and, once again, I’ve got my name out there in every networking and career site known to man.  According to statistics, I’ll find myself in this position five more times throughout the rest of my career.  Today’s workplace is extremely transient, and most of us will change positions frequently, at least when compared to the Baby Boomer generation.  It’s a sad reality, but nonetheless true.  Millions of Dads have lost their jobs in recent years and have been forced to look for new jobs to support their families.

If you’re like me, you were let go due to financial issues, downsizing or other business-related factors (not performance-related issues).  You did a good job, but the company had to cut back.  It’s disappointing and gut-wrenching, but there are ways to get through it and hold your head high:

1. Collect yourself.  “We have to let you go” is probably the most emotianally-charged statement anyone can make, with the exception of receiving news of the loss of a loved one.  Even if you had a feeling it was coming, your heart will race and you will not be able to think clearly.  TAKE A MOMENT.  There is nothing wrong with asking your superior for a few seconds to compose yourself before you reply.  Terminating someone’s employment isn’t pleasant for anyone, and anyone with common decency will grant this request.  Pausing for a few deep breaths and a sip of coffee immediately after receiving the news will allow your brain to kick back in so that you can handle the rest of the conversation professionally.  Remember, you may need to ask for a reference, so don’t say anything rash.

2. Throw Out Emotion. Once you have processed the blow of being terminated, do your best to approach the remainder of the dialogue with calm integrity, rather than anger or other negative emotions. You will most likely be feeling hurt, angry, frightened and nervous.  “What am I going to tell my wife?  How is this going to affect my family?”  These are all normal questions, and you’ll have time to focus on them later.  Reacting to these emotions may cause you to say things that you wish you hadn’t, and it’s best to keep your cool and try to get something positive from the situation, if possible.

3. Take What You Have Left.  Employers tend to promise things in a termination that, unfortunately, they are not likely to deliver.  A common example of this is “I have some friends in the industry and will give them a call right away. I’m sure we can find you something else.”  Nine times out of ten, while the individual’s intentions may be sincere at the time, once you are out of sight you will be out of mind.  Since you have already calmed yourself, discuss with your superior those TANGIBLE things to which you are entitled.  The amount of your final paycheck, any unpaid vacation or sick leave, 401K options, insurance, any settlement that was pre-negotiated in a termination clause, a written letter of recommendation; these are just a few examples.  Ask specific questions and talk specific dollar amounts, then get them in a signed termination letter on company stationery.  If your boss doesn’t have the figures, patiently explain that you would like to wait in his or her office until you have them.  Remember that as soon as you walk out of that office, it’s back to business as usual for them; you will not have a better opportunity to get the things you’ve earned and will save yourself a great deal of time and effort in having to track it all down later.

4. Get Reference Letters. Four years ago, at the end of a three-hour interview with the employer who recently let me go, I pulled out a reference letter from the president of a previous company.  He read it over, then stated “Wow – This person really liked you.”  I believe that letter got me the job and, subsequently, helped me in negotiating my compensation package.  Assuming you were a valuable member of the organization, it’s only fair to ask for letters of recommendation.   CEO’s, CFO’s and VP’s are great references to have on your resume, and including them in your applications for new positions can give you an extra advantage when a recruiter or HR representative is deciding whom to call in for an interview. Regardless of how uncaring they MAY seem at the moment, your boss is not enjoying this experience either and will likely jump at the chance to do something nice for you.  Ask when THEY are emotional, and you’ll get a better letter; it is my experience that superiors will gush a bit while the iron is still hot.  If they oblige, but say they will do it later, politely thank them and get a firm date on when you can come back and pick it up.  “Thank you Bob. Having a letter of reference from you will help a great deal in future job searches.  I really appreciate it.  Can I follow up with you tomorrow morning and stop by to pick it up?”

5. Hold Your Head High.  Sometimes people are escorted off the premesis immediately by Human Resources, others have a bit more time.  Whatever your situation may be, do everything within your power to maintain integrity.  Don’t hang your head in front of your staff when cleaning out your desk; don’t walk past colleagues and say nothing; smile, shake hands and say goodbye gracefully.  Your co-workers or team members will probably have figured out what happened while you were in the boss’ office, so just be honest with them.  Look them in the eye, briefly explain what happened, shake hands, give hugs and tell them it was terrific working with them.   Be sure to get contact information from anyone who may be able to assist you in your job hunt or that you would like to stay in touch with for professional reasons.  The next day, better to have people saying, “He was a class act and really professional.  This is a big loss for the company.”  If you handle the situation by ignoring everyone, throwing things around and stomping out, then the conversation will more likely be, “MAN that was uncomfortable. I think I heard from Grace in Accounting that he was stealing office supplies!  Oh well, the company is better off without him.”  These people will be called on by prospective employers for references, so leave a good impression in their mind.

6. Take A Day Off. Then, Send A Thank You Letter. This may be a very difficult thing to do, considering you will probably harbor some resentment toward your recently employer, but do it anyway.  Even though your company WILL move on without you, it is to your advantage for them to feel a slight bit of guilt for letting you go, and “killing them with kindness” leaves the door open in case something changes in the future.  Just a paragraph to your company president, supervisor or director of human resources stating that you “understand the business decision that had to be made” and “it was a pleasure working for you and you hope to stay in touch” should be enough to let them know there are no hard feelings.  This will likely lead to a much stronger reference from them in the future.  No matter how angry or frustrated you may be with them, leave ego at the door and do the right thing.  Remember, your family needs you to demonstrate leadership at this time of uncertainty, so don’t burn any bridges. Once you’ve received a glowing reference from your boss and landed that amazing new (and better) job, you’ll be able to look back on the situation with a sense of pride.

How you leave a company is almost as important as how you enter one.  I’ve found that following these steps will help you get what you need and move into the job hunt with a stronger chance of success.  When letting someone go, no one knows how the person sitting across from them will react – don’t be the crazy one that jumps across the desk and gets nothing.  Keep in mind that the company that is “cruelly and unfairly” kicking you out into the street, and the boss towards whom you want to hurl insults with every fiber of your being, will be occupying a very large section of real estate on your resume the very next day.  Don’t negate years and years of hard work and sterling performance on the very last meeting you’ll have there.

Lastly, when you get home from this challenging day, give your wife and kids a big hug and kiss and let them know that everything will be alright.  Things will find a way of working out for the better, and you’ll gain respect for showing strength in the face of adversity.  How you deal with getting fired means a lot to your future; your self-esteem; and, your family.  Get canned like a man!

If you’ve ever dealt with getting fired, please share how you dealt with it.  Any best practices when leaving?  How did you get past the emotions and move on productively?  What did you say to your family?  What did you learn from the situation?  Tell us all about it!

Matt Pfingsten is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad. His personal site is The Playpen. You can also connect with Matt via Twitter @mattredsparks.

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Implementing the 5 Ways of Being to my role as a father has both challenged and enhanced the relationship I have with my kids.  At times, it would be easier to abandon these principles in favor of an easier path, perhaps something along the lines of Bill Cosby’s comedic assertion that “parents just want peace!”  The problem is peace through pacification or power rarely works, whereas taking the time to apply the 5 Ways of Being through love and accountability always produces a better result in the end.  The most peaceful times I’ve had as a father have been when I found ways to effectively balance love and accountability with my children.

Here are some thoughts on how each of the 5 Ways of Being have helped me as a father:

Being Authentic – Autry describes this as “be who you are…no matter what role you have.”  For me, this means being consistent in my words and actions when I deal with my kids.  It also means showing them who I really am as a person, not just a father.  They see my strengths and imperfections.  I lead by example when it comes to acting the same way at home, work, in a social setting, on the phone or any other interaction with people.  I try to show them that relationships are built on trust, and you have to be genuine and authentic with others (including me) to secure that trust.  As a father, it is important to me that my kids know exactly who I am and what to expect from me.

Being Vulnerable – Autry describes this as “being honest with your feelings…being open with your doubts and fears…and being able to admit mistakes openly.”  Honesty is very important to me, and it is the root of integrity in my mind.  I expect my kids to be honest and respectful to me, and I do my best to demonstrate these behaviors with them as well.  I openly share my pride, joy, excitement, humor, disappointment, sadness, fear and, yes, even anger with my kids every day.  While I may be a little too direct at times, they always know how their behavior makes me feel, and I encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings with me as well.  If I make a mistake, I own up to it (and they remind me to do so!).  I learned this behavior from my father, who is a great man that is never afraid to wear his emotions on his sleeve and honestly share his feelings.

Being Accepting – Autry describes this as “more important than approval…you accept [the validity of others and their ideas]…you accept and embrace disagreement as a human part of the process.”  I’m certain most parents would say they are “accepting” of their children, but it’s more than an obligation to love and protect them.  As a father, I try to encourage my kids to challenge themselves, share their ideas and, at times, respectfully disagree with me (this is a difficult task, I must admit though).  Not only do I accept and love them as my offspring, but also as unique individuals from whom I can learn and connect with on many different levels.  I appreciate who they are and what they are becoming.  And with a teenage daughter and two little toddlers, I have definitely accepted that conflict and disagreement comes with the territory.

Being Present – Autry describes this as “having your whole self available…to bring all your values to bear on the [situation] at hand.”  As a father, I struggle with this one.  There always seems to be a distraction – phones, television, work, to-do lists weighing on my mind, chores, screaming, yelling and what seems like controlled chaos surrounding me at all times.  Giving my entire attention to one of my kids at a time is very difficult for me to do, but I try to make this a priority every day, even if it is only for five minutes each.  I had to set “rules” for myself, in order to establish this discipline and behavior.  Over time, I have been able to improve by establishing some rituals that I do with each child, like going to dinner or a movie with my teenager, wrestling with my 3-year-old each day and snuggling with my 1-year-old for a few minutes before bed each night.  It is very important to me that my kids know how much I love them, and I can’t think of a more important gift to give them than my undivided attention and time.

Being Useful – Autry describes this as “service to others.”  The stereotype of dads is not to serve their children, but I would argue that it should be.  This doesn’t mean doing everything for them.  To the contrary, you don’t serve anyone by enabling them to do nothing for themselves.  As a father, I serve my kids by loving them, teaching them, encouraging them to maximize their potential, removing barriers for their growth, challenging them to overcome obstacles and do new things, and holding them accountable for their actions.  I am a resource to them, whether they like to admit it or not.  I show them how to do things, so that they can do for themselves.  I want them to be strong and independent, but also compassionate and caring of others.  I am most useful to them when I allow them to discover things for themselves or lift them up to shine like the stars they are.

The 5 Ways of Being have helped me to become a much more effective father, and these principles of Servant Leadership have made the journey of “learning what it means to be a good dad” exciting and challenging at the same time.  So, does Servant Leadership apply to fatherhood?  I hope you will agree with me in saying a resounding, “YES!”

Please feel free to share your thoughts on Servant Leadership and how it applies to your role as a father.

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One of the best things you can do for your kids is to bring them into the kitchen with you when you’re cooking. The younger the better; it’s never too early to get them interested in cooking.

While it may seem like more work to have your kids helping to prepare a meal, and it often is – particularly when they’re little – in the end you’ll benefit from having a helper, someone who will be self-sufficient, and who might even cook dinner for you once in awhile.

Having kids help with cooking gives them something to do. It allows them to imitate mom or dad.  It provides bonding time, and it teaches them numerous skills that they will be able to draw from their entire life.

One of the best things they’ll learn is how to prepare food at home. This will help them appreciate fresh ingredients and develop a sense of nutritional content. The more they can cook at home, the less likely they’ll be getting take-out or junk food somewhere else. They’ll be in control of their diet and what goes into their bodies.

Obviously they can’t do much when they’re very young. But even a baby can sit nearby and watch, and play with small pots and spoons and measuring cups designated for baby play.

When they’re able to stand close by on a step stool they can be taught how to carefully pour water from measuring cups into a mixing bowl and how to stir. They can take turns hitting the top of a chopper or pressing on a salad spinner.

When my kids were three and four, I’d have them help decorate cookies, knead bread dough and peel oranges. When making pancakes, they could pour the ingredients and do the stirring, and for dinner they could set the table and arrange vegetables on a tray. Anything that doesn’t involve boiling water, sharp instruments or a hot stove is fair game for the little ones. My five-year-old loves to help me sift flour, run the hand mixer and put baking trays in the oven. He also knows how to properly wash vegetables like broccoli, asparagus and peppers. Getting him used to these vegetables increases his interest in them, which is why he doesn’t shy away from eating them at dinner time.

As they get older, they can graduate to things like cracking eggs, measuring ingredients and even making simple sauces over low heat with supervision. All that’s required there is measuring, stirring, and patience.

By the time they’re twelve they should be able to learn basic kitchen knife skills, such as chopping, peeling and dicing (again, with supervision). They can be taught cooking techniques, such as sweating vegetables, braising meats, making dough and boiling pasta. My thirteen-year-old daughter is my official sous chef. When I announce that I’m going to make dinner, she jumps into the kitchen, dons her apron, washes her hands and asks what we’re making and how she can help. I assign her the tasks that are on par with her learning, while I show her some of the more advanced things I’m doing, and why each step is important. She’s successfully made chocolate chip cookies, ratatouille and most recently smoked Salmon sushi. I know that when she’s out on her own, she’s going to be an excellent cook because she’s learned to love cooking.

Kids love to do what their parents are doing, and from a very early age want to help. You can take advantage of that love by bringing them into the kitchen to help. It may require a little more effort on your part, and maybe a lot more cleanup, but in the end you’ll both be glad you did.

So, when your kids ask, “What’s cooking Dad?”  You can say, “I’m glad you asked.  I could use some help!”

Tom Bowns is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad. His personal site is Being Michael’s Daddy. You can also follow Tom on Twitter @michaelsdaddy.

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Last April my wife and I received an unexpected reality check:  We were pregnant.  Again.

I’ll be honest with you, it took us a few weeks to warm up to the idea of a third child. We were happy with the two children, and the even numbers made it easy for my wife and I to divide and conquer when it came to bed time and other parental routines.

Early in the pregnancy, though, our anxiety turned into excitement, and our worry turned into a focus on our children to prepare them for the arrival of the new baby.

Here are five things we did that I feel had the biggest impact in preparing them for their new sibling:

• Babies are busy little bees – Our doctors gave us a poster that outlines the baby’s development month-by-month. We brought it home and hung it on the fridge. Our kids began looking forward to the new month, so that they could turn the page and see what their new brother or sister would be doing over those next four weeks. If you cannot find one to hang on your fridge, Sutter Health has a great Cliff’s Notes version of this.

• One-on-one time – We always tried to spend time with each of our kids one-on-one but after finding out about the new baby, we made an even bigger effort. We explained to my in-laws how important it was that the kids continue to have quality time with us, as well as with their grandparents, during the pregnancy as attention began to swing toward the new arrival. We did this so that the kids would know that even after the baby was born, their entire world would not come to and end.    During these “dates” with our kids, we would talk with them about their worries regarding the new baby. We let them know that they were free to say what they wanted and open up to us with their emotions. Through this process, we also were able to share our own worries about a new baby. They both came to understand that a new baby really is a big deal but that, as a family, we would adapt and welcome the new baby with love and care.

• The freedom to choose – We let them be as involved (or not) as they wanted with the pregnancy. All of our pregnancies have been handled through a birthing center, staffed by licensed nurses and doctors who happen to follow midwifery/natural birthing practices. Because of this, they’re more accepting of involving our kids. They let our youngest help with the hand-held heart monitoring equipment, dedicated an entire appointment to showing the kids with the birthing center itself and gave them a kid-friendly overview of child birth.When our son was born, our daughter came into the room with us when she felt comfortable doing so. This was usually to check on her mom, pat a washcloth on her forehead and tell her “You’re doing a good job, Mommy!” She even had the opportunity to cut her baby brother’s umbilical cord.

• Don’t keep them in the dark – We wrote up a birth plan, reviewed it with our family members and also talked to the kids about it. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what a birth plan is, it’s a formal request of certain things during the labor and care for the baby after birth. Our birth plan contains things such as family members we welcome to attend the birth; stipulating that, per my wife, painkillers were not to be administered unless she specifically asked for them; and who was going to be caring for our children. The kids have known for months who will be with them during the labor so they are not worried about being overlooked or forgotten in the chaos. For more information about birth plans, click here. If you would like to see a copy of our birth plan, feel free to email me.

• “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” – Dr. Seuss wrote it and kids respond to it. When their mom started showing, the kids seemed a bit stand-offish about the thing growing and moving inside their mom’s belly. We helped them get comfortable with the notion by talking to the baby. I give my wife’s belly a kiss and talk to it when I get up in the morning, when I go to work and when I come home, just as I do with them. Slowly but surely the kids began to talk to the baby, too. Even though they haven’t been able to see or hold their new sibling, the kids already feel a connection to it and have begun to proactively establish a relationship with their new brother or sister.

Please feel free to share your tips on how to prepare kids for the arrival of a new baby in the house too!

Daniel De Guia is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad.  His personal site is deguia.net. You can also connect with Daniel via Twitter @deguia.

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The other thing I love about the summer is family vacations.  This year, we were fortunate enough to go to the beach (the “shore”) and to Disney World.  We went to the beach with my parents and nephew, and we went to Disney with my inlaws.  Both trips were fantastic, so I wanted to share some of my favorite pictures.

Nothing like starting the first day of vacation with a little PILE ON!:

Here’s Hans and Franz getting ready for the beach:

Here they are trying to pump (*clap*) me up:

After a few hours at the beach, it’s always fun to take a ride on a Pirate Ship:

The kids enjoyed hunting crabs with Nana:

Pop is really good at making me smile:

Nighttime at the beach is fun too, especially at the carnival:

Chani even talked Lori into riding the Himalaya:

It was great to get away and spend time with family at the Shore:

A few weeks later, we headed down to Disney World:

We saw Mickey and Minnie:

And, we ran into Tigger too!:

Grammy and Pop Pop always make things a big (fun) Hoopty Doo!:

And, we got to celebrate a birthday too – Happy Birthday Grammy!:

We almost lost Chani in a rogue rocket accident:

Fortunately, we made friends with someone at Star Command who brought us back together:

To make sure no one got lost, Lori decided to dress all of the girls alike:

Meanwhile, me and Ty got roped into some monkey business:

All-in-all, it was a Magical adventure enjoyed by all:

School starts next week, which means fall is right around the corner.  Our family had a great time this summer, and I hope yours did too!  Please read below for how you can share your favorite summer photos.

If you have a blog, feel free to write a similar post about your summer adventures.  Share your favorite summer pictures too.  Link back to this post, so me and all of the readers of Discovering Dad can share in the fun.  I’m already looking for ideas of fun family things to do for next summer!

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