Life is full of challenges, and parents teach their kids a lot by how they deal with adversity.  Here is one Dad’s story about How to Deal with Getting Fired:

I work in marketing and advertising.  This means I get fired.  A lot.  Unfortunately, being laid off comes with the territory in this career field.  Over the years, I’ve read many books on transitioning, job-seeking, interviewing and networking, but I have yet to come across any literature that deals with how to gracefully deal with getting canned.

Recently, I lost my job…again…and, once again, I’ve got my name out there in every networking and career site known to man.  According to statistics, I’ll find myself in this position five more times throughout the rest of my career.  Today’s workplace is extremely transient, and most of us will change positions frequently, at least when compared to the Baby Boomer generation.  It’s a sad reality, but nonetheless true.  Millions of Dads have lost their jobs in recent years and have been forced to look for new jobs to support their families.

If you’re like me, you were let go due to financial issues, downsizing or other business-related factors (not performance-related issues).  You did a good job, but the company had to cut back.  It’s disappointing and gut-wrenching, but there are ways to get through it and hold your head high:

1. Collect yourself.  “We have to let you go” is probably the most emotianally-charged statement anyone can make, with the exception of receiving news of the loss of a loved one.  Even if you had a feeling it was coming, your heart will race and you will not be able to think clearly.  TAKE A MOMENT.  There is nothing wrong with asking your superior for a few seconds to compose yourself before you reply.  Terminating someone’s employment isn’t pleasant for anyone, and anyone with common decency will grant this request.  Pausing for a few deep breaths and a sip of coffee immediately after receiving the news will allow your brain to kick back in so that you can handle the rest of the conversation professionally.  Remember, you may need to ask for a reference, so don’t say anything rash.

2. Throw Out Emotion. Once you have processed the blow of being terminated, do your best to approach the remainder of the dialogue with calm integrity, rather than anger or other negative emotions. You will most likely be feeling hurt, angry, frightened and nervous.  “What am I going to tell my wife?  How is this going to affect my family?”  These are all normal questions, and you’ll have time to focus on them later.  Reacting to these emotions may cause you to say things that you wish you hadn’t, and it’s best to keep your cool and try to get something positive from the situation, if possible.

3. Take What You Have Left.  Employers tend to promise things in a termination that, unfortunately, they are not likely to deliver.  A common example of this is “I have some friends in the industry and will give them a call right away. I’m sure we can find you something else.”  Nine times out of ten, while the individual’s intentions may be sincere at the time, once you are out of sight you will be out of mind.  Since you have already calmed yourself, discuss with your superior those TANGIBLE things to which you are entitled.  The amount of your final paycheck, any unpaid vacation or sick leave, 401K options, insurance, any settlement that was pre-negotiated in a termination clause, a written letter of recommendation; these are just a few examples.  Ask specific questions and talk specific dollar amounts, then get them in a signed termination letter on company stationery.  If your boss doesn’t have the figures, patiently explain that you would like to wait in his or her office until you have them.  Remember that as soon as you walk out of that office, it’s back to business as usual for them; you will not have a better opportunity to get the things you’ve earned and will save yourself a great deal of time and effort in having to track it all down later.

4. Get Reference Letters. Four years ago, at the end of a three-hour interview with the employer who recently let me go, I pulled out a reference letter from the president of a previous company.  He read it over, then stated “Wow – This person really liked you.”  I believe that letter got me the job and, subsequently, helped me in negotiating my compensation package.  Assuming you were a valuable member of the organization, it’s only fair to ask for letters of recommendation.   CEO’s, CFO’s and VP’s are great references to have on your resume, and including them in your applications for new positions can give you an extra advantage when a recruiter or HR representative is deciding whom to call in for an interview. Regardless of how uncaring they MAY seem at the moment, your boss is not enjoying this experience either and will likely jump at the chance to do something nice for you.  Ask when THEY are emotional, and you’ll get a better letter; it is my experience that superiors will gush a bit while the iron is still hot.  If they oblige, but say they will do it later, politely thank them and get a firm date on when you can come back and pick it up.  “Thank you Bob. Having a letter of reference from you will help a great deal in future job searches.  I really appreciate it.  Can I follow up with you tomorrow morning and stop by to pick it up?”

5. Hold Your Head High.  Sometimes people are escorted off the premesis immediately by Human Resources, others have a bit more time.  Whatever your situation may be, do everything within your power to maintain integrity.  Don’t hang your head in front of your staff when cleaning out your desk; don’t walk past colleagues and say nothing; smile, shake hands and say goodbye gracefully.  Your co-workers or team members will probably have figured out what happened while you were in the boss’ office, so just be honest with them.  Look them in the eye, briefly explain what happened, shake hands, give hugs and tell them it was terrific working with them.   Be sure to get contact information from anyone who may be able to assist you in your job hunt or that you would like to stay in touch with for professional reasons.  The next day, better to have people saying, “He was a class act and really professional.  This is a big loss for the company.”  If you handle the situation by ignoring everyone, throwing things around and stomping out, then the conversation will more likely be, “MAN that was uncomfortable. I think I heard from Grace in Accounting that he was stealing office supplies!  Oh well, the company is better off without him.”  These people will be called on by prospective employers for references, so leave a good impression in their mind.

6. Take A Day Off. Then, Send A Thank You Letter. This may be a very difficult thing to do, considering you will probably harbor some resentment toward your recently employer, but do it anyway.  Even though your company WILL move on without you, it is to your advantage for them to feel a slight bit of guilt for letting you go, and “killing them with kindness” leaves the door open in case something changes in the future.  Just a paragraph to your company president, supervisor or director of human resources stating that you “understand the business decision that had to be made” and “it was a pleasure working for you and you hope to stay in touch” should be enough to let them know there are no hard feelings.  This will likely lead to a much stronger reference from them in the future.  No matter how angry or frustrated you may be with them, leave ego at the door and do the right thing.  Remember, your family needs you to demonstrate leadership at this time of uncertainty, so don’t burn any bridges. Once you’ve received a glowing reference from your boss and landed that amazing new (and better) job, you’ll be able to look back on the situation with a sense of pride.

How you leave a company is almost as important as how you enter one.  I’ve found that following these steps will help you get what you need and move into the job hunt with a stronger chance of success.  When letting someone go, no one knows how the person sitting across from them will react – don’t be the crazy one that jumps across the desk and gets nothing.  Keep in mind that the company that is “cruelly and unfairly” kicking you out into the street, and the boss towards whom you want to hurl insults with every fiber of your being, will be occupying a very large section of real estate on your resume the very next day.  Don’t negate years and years of hard work and sterling performance on the very last meeting you’ll have there.

Lastly, when you get home from this challenging day, give your wife and kids a big hug and kiss and let them know that everything will be alright.  Things will find a way of working out for the better, and you’ll gain respect for showing strength in the face of adversity.  How you deal with getting fired means a lot to your future; your self-esteem; and, your family.  Get canned like a man!

If you’ve ever dealt with getting fired, please share how you dealt with it.  Any best practices when leaving?  How did you get past the emotions and move on productively?  What did you say to your family?  What did you learn from the situation?  Tell us all about it!

Matt Pfingsten is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad. His personal site is The Playpen. You can also connect with Matt via Twitter @mattredsparks.

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It’s a kids book about a nosey spaniel on the hunt for bones – Dinosaur Bones! He gets into lots of mischief, and much the same as my younger children he uses his imagination and ingenuity to find and build a larger than life dinosaur.

The illustrations are filled with lots of things for kids to discover while reading, kind of like the old Where’s Waldo books but not quite that busy or difficult.

If your toddlers love books as much as mine, then leave a comment with a description of your favorite pet from any time throughout your life.  Please share why this pet was your favorite and perhaps a memorable experience of him or her hunting for “dinosaurs” of their own.  You can get a second entry by writing a post about your pet on your own blog and linking back to this post.

One (1) Grand Prize winner receives:

• Autographed copy of Max Spaniel (by illustrator David Catrow)
• One (1) Jumbo kids magnifying glass

Four (4) runner-up winners will also receive a copy of the new book

Contest Duration: August 8, 2009 – August 23, 2009

Winners will be announced and notified during the week of August 24 – 30, 2009.

My favorite pet growing up was a dog named Lady.  She was hyper and loving, and she peed on the floor every time I got home.  She slept in bed with me, which my wife is not likely to believe because as an adult I developed a severe onset of allergies to animals and can now barely sleep in the same house as a cat or dog.  Lady was the best though, and she was a surprisingly good hunting dog.  She and I caught some prized chipmunks in our day, and she was better than any old cat at getting rid of field mice that wandered into our home.  Lady was my favorite pet mostly because she was a fun part of our family.

I can’t wait to read about your favorite pet stories!

Leave a comment now or write a post and link back to this page.

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This article written by Contributing Writer Tom Bowns.

A lot of parents rob from their children.

I don’t mean they take money or possessions, I mean they take opportunities for growth. And they do it with the best of intentions.

Every time a mom or dad takes on some chore that could just as well be done by one of his or her kids, the child is robbed of an opportunity to grow.

A parent might think, “Well, it’s easier to just do this myself rather than show Billy how to do it,” or “I’d rather it get done right than let Maisy try,” or “I need this done right away,” or “I don’t want to have to fight with Joey; I’ll just do it myself.”

Yes, it’s probably easier, quicker and less emotionally draining to just do it yourself.  But what’s your child learning?

They’re not learning how to do that chore, that’s for sure. But they are learning that they get a free ride through life, and it’s not up to them to see that household operations get done.  Didn’t you have to do chores as a kid?  I know I did!  This is one way I learned to do things for myself, rather than relying on mom or dad to do things for me.

The fact is, kids need this opportunity. It’s necessary for them.  Not only does it help them gain the life skills they need to survive, but also they feel useful, like theirs is an important position in the family.

Many kids may not naturally want to be helpful or responsible; they’d much rather have everything done for them.  So there might be some uphill battles to fight. Getting little kids to stay on task is also very difficult. And getting teenagers to put down the cell phone and listen without rolling their eyes is a monumental feat.

By starting early and sticking with it, you can help overcome this natural inclination toward laziness, and you’ll enjoy the fruit of productive and helpful kids. Responsible behavior has to be encouraged, and more importantly, the opportunity has to be offered. If they aren’t given the means to grow as kids, they will not be able to grow into responsible adults.

My wife and I recently learned this golden rule and have put it into practice. Our five-year-old has regular chores of helping take out garbage, cleaning the dryer’s lint trap and bringing toilet paper into the bathrooms. Our teenage daughters can do dishes, prepare dinner, clean up, vacuum and be mom’s helper when necessary. We found that the more we increased the kids responsibilities, the better they responded.  And the better they felt about themselves.

So the next time you think you’ll just do the dishes or take out the garbage yourself, remember not to rob your kid’s from an opportunity to grow.

Please feel free to share any tips you may have about helping your kids learn and grow into responsible young people.

Tom Bowns is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad. His personal site is Being Michael’s Daddy. You can also follow Tom on Twitter @michaelsdaddy.

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Ten years ago, when my wife and I first decided that I should be a stay-at-home dad, most of my friends didn’t understand why I’d want to take on that challenge. Many of them abandoned me over time.

Eight years later, I lost the rest of them when we made another huge family decision. To pull my son out of public school and teach him at home. I would be both “dad” and “teacher.”

There are many reasons to homeschool your kids. Ours was simple. First, with me being home, we could. Second, my son was losing interest in learning. He was in second grade at the time, and I could see that he was bored in class (I volunteered a few times each week). The teacher was overwhelmed with 25 students, paying the most attention to the troublemakers. My son was receiving an average education in what was quickly becoming a non-learning environment.

So, the question in our mind was: Can we do better at home?

That first day of third grade at home gave us an answer. It was immediately clear that our son would thrive with one-on-one teaching. He was not only a good student, but he was excited about starting his day and exploring each subject.

The tough part was not his adjustment, but mine.

It took me that whole first year of homeschooling to get used to having my day devoted to teaching rather than chores and projects. My evenings were suddenly not free, because that’s when the cleaning and organizing had to be done. It was like I had a full-time job and was coming home like most working parents to a cluttered and dirty house that needs my attention.

Last year, a friend decided to follow our example and start homeschooling her kids. I warned her about having to adjust her schedule, not to mention attitude, to these new responsibilities. She didn’t heed my advice and, after four months, ended up putting her kids back in public school, telling me, “I just want my day back.”

You can’t decide to teach your kids at home and then lament that you have no time for the gym or coffee with the gals. You’re either devoted to this or not. There’s no in-between when it comes to homeschooling.

Every now and then I ask my son if he misses public school. He always answers the same, “Absolutely not!” I see him thriving with his education, reading far above grade level and working on math problems until he understands it thoroughly. He loves history and sometimes spends hours researching a particular subject, such as the Civil War or Franklin Roosevelt.

Our days aren’t spent sitting at a desk in the living room. We get out and about most days, whether it’s down to the library or the park, or on an organized field trip with a local homeschool group. He also continues to see old friends through soccer and basketball leagues.

I’m not even going to mention the “socialization” myth because it’s just that, a myth. My son interacts with a wider variety of people than he ever would sitting in a classroom at the public school.

If you’ve ever thought about homeschooling, there is really only one thing you need to consider: Are you able to devote four or five hours a day to teaching your children? If you can, and you have the desire, why not give it a try?

I never thought I’d have so much fun being my son’s teacher these past two years. Yes, of course, there are bad days, but they are few and far between. If one of us is tired or grumpy, we take some time off. I’ll give my son a book and say, “Spend the day reading this.” However, most days I’m amazed at how much knowledge he can soak up in his young brain. He learns more in one day at home than most kids learn in a week at public school.

It’s not easy, being a dad. Add in the role of teacher and you have some hard work ahead of you. But, to me, it’s worth it as I watch my son develop an early passion for learning.

And now I get to watch my daughter learn, as she is at home with us this year after spending kindergarten and first grade at the public school. How will it go with two of them at home? It’s too early for me to write about, other than to say it’s going to take some brand-new adjustments on my part.

So, as my kids learn and grow, so will I.

If you’d like to learn more about Phil and his family’s adventures, visit him at A Family Runs Through It.

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Let’s get to this week’s submissions, before the cup of testosterone runneth over.

Editor’s Picks

Kevin presents Profiles In Manliness: Gordie Howe posted at Return To Manliness.  Howe is a legendary sports figure because he worked hard to be an exemplary athlete and outstanding role model.

Derek presents Parenting :: The Most Competitive Adult Sport posted at The Man Page. Derek says, “Parents are competing with one another and the game is their children’s lives.” This article makes you think hard about how you treat your child, as well as the manner in which you engage with other parents.

Family and Relationships

Daniel De Guia presents Cause I’m As Free As a Bird Now… posted at deguia.net. This is an extremely touching and personal article by Daniel.  Anyone dealing with a family tragedy can relate to this.

A Husband presents Reader Challenge: David posted at iamhusband.com.  What do you do when your wife refuses to be intimate with you?  Read this article for some suggestions.

Brad Bollenbach presents How to Meet Women Without Really Trying – An Example posted at 30 sleeps.

Lin Burress presents Toxic Relationships – Toxic Family Members posted at Telling It Like It Is.

The Donkey presents Don’t Tell Your Mom That Your Wife Can’t Bake a Potato posted at WifeAdvice.com.

Virilitas presents Half One’s Age Plus Seven posted at Virilitas.

Urbane Lion presents Yes Dear! Yes Dear? posted at Urbane Lion’s Den.

Fatherhood

babbo presents Stop Yelling Daddy! (Part 2) posted at Daddy Brain. A great series in which Mark Brady, Ph.D, is interviewed about his recent book A Father’s Book of Listening: Essential Practices for Truly Loving Our Children.

4wrdthnkndad presents What to do when your kid sticks a checker up his nose? « 4WRD THNKN DAD posted at 4WRD THNKN DAD.  Never knew a simple game could be so dangerous!

Dad of Divas presents Teaching Entrepreneurship to Your Child posted at Dad of Divas.  This takes the lemonade stand to a whole new level of dedication.  Good insights into responsibility and reward for hard work too.

Tom presents Being Michael’s Daddy: Levels of Understanding posted at Being Michael’s Daddy.

Cory Huff presents What Women Think of Daddy Blogging posted at A Good Husband: Marriage & Relationship Advice.  A three-part series on what it’s like to be married to a dad blogger, as well as perceptions of the dad blogger niche by popular mom bloggers.

John Stewart presents What a Dad’s to do posted at The Night Writer.

Career, Money and Politics

Mike Bates presents In Your Debt posted at The Common Man.

Manly Entertainment

James Hills presents Mancation Rituals and Traditions posted at Man Tripping and Mancations. Any article that talks about scotch, cigars and bar tours is worth reading.

Andrew presents Know Thine Bovine posted at Primer Magazine.  Steak lover? Get your fill on manly meat knowledge.

Rickey Henderson presents Cooking With Rickey: Buffalo Chicken Tenders posted at Riding with Rickey.

Dressing and Grooming

tsims presents There’s More Than One Way To Tie A Tie posted at 4mind4body… for man.

Manly Theory

Cameron Schaefer presents Solve Problems Like an Air Force Pilot posted at Schaefer’s Blog.

Dr. Awesome presents Posture posted at To Every Man A Manswer.

Kevin presents Manliness Trait: Never Use Eight Words When Four Will Do posted at Return To Manliness.

That’s all folks! If you’d like to participate in next week’s Manival, please submit your submission using this form.

If you liked this edition of The Manival, please leave a comment and submit it to your favorite social bookmarking or media site.  Thanks!

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