Life is full of challenges, and parents teach their kids a lot by how they deal with adversity.  Here is one Dad’s story about How to Deal with Getting Fired:

I work in marketing and advertising.  This means I get fired.  A lot.  Unfortunately, being laid off comes with the territory in this career field.  Over the years, I’ve read many books on transitioning, job-seeking, interviewing and networking, but I have yet to come across any literature that deals with how to gracefully deal with getting canned.

Recently, I lost my job…again…and, once again, I’ve got my name out there in every networking and career site known to man.  According to statistics, I’ll find myself in this position five more times throughout the rest of my career.  Today’s workplace is extremely transient, and most of us will change positions frequently, at least when compared to the Baby Boomer generation.  It’s a sad reality, but nonetheless true.  Millions of Dads have lost their jobs in recent years and have been forced to look for new jobs to support their families.

If you’re like me, you were let go due to financial issues, downsizing or other business-related factors (not performance-related issues).  You did a good job, but the company had to cut back.  It’s disappointing and gut-wrenching, but there are ways to get through it and hold your head high:

1. Collect yourself.  “We have to let you go” is probably the most emotianally-charged statement anyone can make, with the exception of receiving news of the loss of a loved one.  Even if you had a feeling it was coming, your heart will race and you will not be able to think clearly.  TAKE A MOMENT.  There is nothing wrong with asking your superior for a few seconds to compose yourself before you reply.  Terminating someone’s employment isn’t pleasant for anyone, and anyone with common decency will grant this request.  Pausing for a few deep breaths and a sip of coffee immediately after receiving the news will allow your brain to kick back in so that you can handle the rest of the conversation professionally.  Remember, you may need to ask for a reference, so don’t say anything rash.

2. Throw Out Emotion. Once you have processed the blow of being terminated, do your best to approach the remainder of the dialogue with calm integrity, rather than anger or other negative emotions. You will most likely be feeling hurt, angry, frightened and nervous.  “What am I going to tell my wife?  How is this going to affect my family?”  These are all normal questions, and you’ll have time to focus on them later.  Reacting to these emotions may cause you to say things that you wish you hadn’t, and it’s best to keep your cool and try to get something positive from the situation, if possible.

3. Take What You Have Left.  Employers tend to promise things in a termination that, unfortunately, they are not likely to deliver.  A common example of this is “I have some friends in the industry and will give them a call right away. I’m sure we can find you something else.”  Nine times out of ten, while the individual’s intentions may be sincere at the time, once you are out of sight you will be out of mind.  Since you have already calmed yourself, discuss with your superior those TANGIBLE things to which you are entitled.  The amount of your final paycheck, any unpaid vacation or sick leave, 401K options, insurance, any settlement that was pre-negotiated in a termination clause, a written letter of recommendation; these are just a few examples.  Ask specific questions and talk specific dollar amounts, then get them in a signed termination letter on company stationery.  If your boss doesn’t have the figures, patiently explain that you would like to wait in his or her office until you have them.  Remember that as soon as you walk out of that office, it’s back to business as usual for them; you will not have a better opportunity to get the things you’ve earned and will save yourself a great deal of time and effort in having to track it all down later.

4. Get Reference Letters. Four years ago, at the end of a three-hour interview with the employer who recently let me go, I pulled out a reference letter from the president of a previous company.  He read it over, then stated “Wow – This person really liked you.”  I believe that letter got me the job and, subsequently, helped me in negotiating my compensation package.  Assuming you were a valuable member of the organization, it’s only fair to ask for letters of recommendation.   CEO’s, CFO’s and VP’s are great references to have on your resume, and including them in your applications for new positions can give you an extra advantage when a recruiter or HR representative is deciding whom to call in for an interview. Regardless of how uncaring they MAY seem at the moment, your boss is not enjoying this experience either and will likely jump at the chance to do something nice for you.  Ask when THEY are emotional, and you’ll get a better letter; it is my experience that superiors will gush a bit while the iron is still hot.  If they oblige, but say they will do it later, politely thank them and get a firm date on when you can come back and pick it up.  “Thank you Bob. Having a letter of reference from you will help a great deal in future job searches.  I really appreciate it.  Can I follow up with you tomorrow morning and stop by to pick it up?”

5. Hold Your Head High.  Sometimes people are escorted off the premesis immediately by Human Resources, others have a bit more time.  Whatever your situation may be, do everything within your power to maintain integrity.  Don’t hang your head in front of your staff when cleaning out your desk; don’t walk past colleagues and say nothing; smile, shake hands and say goodbye gracefully.  Your co-workers or team members will probably have figured out what happened while you were in the boss’ office, so just be honest with them.  Look them in the eye, briefly explain what happened, shake hands, give hugs and tell them it was terrific working with them.   Be sure to get contact information from anyone who may be able to assist you in your job hunt or that you would like to stay in touch with for professional reasons.  The next day, better to have people saying, “He was a class act and really professional.  This is a big loss for the company.”  If you handle the situation by ignoring everyone, throwing things around and stomping out, then the conversation will more likely be, “MAN that was uncomfortable. I think I heard from Grace in Accounting that he was stealing office supplies!  Oh well, the company is better off without him.”  These people will be called on by prospective employers for references, so leave a good impression in their mind.

6. Take A Day Off. Then, Send A Thank You Letter. This may be a very difficult thing to do, considering you will probably harbor some resentment toward your recently employer, but do it anyway.  Even though your company WILL move on without you, it is to your advantage for them to feel a slight bit of guilt for letting you go, and “killing them with kindness” leaves the door open in case something changes in the future.  Just a paragraph to your company president, supervisor or director of human resources stating that you “understand the business decision that had to be made” and “it was a pleasure working for you and you hope to stay in touch” should be enough to let them know there are no hard feelings.  This will likely lead to a much stronger reference from them in the future.  No matter how angry or frustrated you may be with them, leave ego at the door and do the right thing.  Remember, your family needs you to demonstrate leadership at this time of uncertainty, so don’t burn any bridges. Once you’ve received a glowing reference from your boss and landed that amazing new (and better) job, you’ll be able to look back on the situation with a sense of pride.

How you leave a company is almost as important as how you enter one.  I’ve found that following these steps will help you get what you need and move into the job hunt with a stronger chance of success.  When letting someone go, no one knows how the person sitting across from them will react – don’t be the crazy one that jumps across the desk and gets nothing.  Keep in mind that the company that is “cruelly and unfairly” kicking you out into the street, and the boss towards whom you want to hurl insults with every fiber of your being, will be occupying a very large section of real estate on your resume the very next day.  Don’t negate years and years of hard work and sterling performance on the very last meeting you’ll have there.

Lastly, when you get home from this challenging day, give your wife and kids a big hug and kiss and let them know that everything will be alright.  Things will find a way of working out for the better, and you’ll gain respect for showing strength in the face of adversity.  How you deal with getting fired means a lot to your future; your self-esteem; and, your family.  Get canned like a man!

If you’ve ever dealt with getting fired, please share how you dealt with it.  Any best practices when leaving?  How did you get past the emotions and move on productively?  What did you say to your family?  What did you learn from the situation?  Tell us all about it!

Matt Pfingsten is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad. His personal site is The Playpen. You can also connect with Matt via Twitter @mattredsparks.

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The dawning of a New Year always brings me hope.  And while I’m not one to make resolutions, I do believe in the importance of goals, inspiration and motivation.  To me, it is critical for husbands and fathers to set a positive tone and example for the family, especially during times of uncertainty.

Quotes often help to spark positive thoughts and actions in my life, so I thought I’d share some of my favorites with you:

“Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.”  -Lou Holtz

“Smile!  Attitude is contagious!” -Bob Moawad

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.” -Herm Albright

“Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.” -Norman Vincent Peale

“The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur.” -Vince Lombardi

“Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad.” -Anne Geddes

“I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death.” -Thomas Paine

“Happy the man who, like Ulysses, has made a fine voyage, or has won the Golden Fleece, and then returns, experienced and knowledgeable, to spend the rest of his life among his family!” -Joachim Du Bellay

“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.” -Jim Valvano

“Start your child’s day with love and encouragement and end the day the same way.” -Zig Ziglar

“My suggestion would be to walk away from the 90% who don’t and join the 10% who do.” -Jim Rohn

“Always give without remembering and always receive without forgetting.” -Brian Tracy

“People of mediocre ability sometimes achieve outstanding success because they don’t know when to quit. Most men succeed because they are determined to.” -George E. Allen

“Leaders aren’t born, they are made. And they are made just like anything else, through hard work. And that’s the price we’ll have to pay to achieve that goal, or any goal.” -Vince Lombardi

“When a man has done his best, has given his all, and in the process supplied the needs of his family and his society, that man has made a habit of succeeding.” -Mack R. Douglas

“People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.” -John C. Maxwell

“Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance.” -Ruth E. Renkel

“What does not kill me makes me stronger.” -Friedrich Nietzsche

“Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought.” -Henri Bergson

“It is better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.” -Elizabeth Kenny

“A warrior is never concerned about his fear.” -Carlos Castaneda

“A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.” -Laozi

“Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.” -Reed Markham

“Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” -Albert Einstein

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before beginning to improve the world.” -Anne Frank

“A man should never neglect his family for business.” -Walt Disney

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” -Teddy Roosevelt

“Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.” -Benjamin Franklin

“Courage is being scared to death…and saddling up anyway.” -John Wayne

“Remember there’s a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.” -Frank Zappa

“Each man is good in the sight of the Great Spirit.” -Sitting Bull

“A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be.” -Frank A. Clark

“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” -Oprah Winfrey

I hope your New Year is filled with happiness, inspiration, peace and prosperity for the entire family. Remember Dads – it starts with you!

Please feel free to share your favorite New Year’s quote or inspirational message. We all need to find new sources of motivation to be the best husbands, fathers and leaders in life!

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Last April my wife and I received an unexpected reality check:  We were pregnant.  Again.

I’ll be honest with you, it took us a few weeks to warm up to the idea of a third child. We were happy with the two children, and the even numbers made it easy for my wife and I to divide and conquer when it came to bed time and other parental routines.

Early in the pregnancy, though, our anxiety turned into excitement, and our worry turned into a focus on our children to prepare them for the arrival of the new baby.

Here are five things we did that I feel had the biggest impact in preparing them for their new sibling:

• Babies are busy little bees – Our doctors gave us a poster that outlines the baby’s development month-by-month. We brought it home and hung it on the fridge. Our kids began looking forward to the new month, so that they could turn the page and see what their new brother or sister would be doing over those next four weeks. If you cannot find one to hang on your fridge, Sutter Health has a great Cliff’s Notes version of this.

• One-on-one time – We always tried to spend time with each of our kids one-on-one but after finding out about the new baby, we made an even bigger effort. We explained to my in-laws how important it was that the kids continue to have quality time with us, as well as with their grandparents, during the pregnancy as attention began to swing toward the new arrival. We did this so that the kids would know that even after the baby was born, their entire world would not come to and end.    During these “dates” with our kids, we would talk with them about their worries regarding the new baby. We let them know that they were free to say what they wanted and open up to us with their emotions. Through this process, we also were able to share our own worries about a new baby. They both came to understand that a new baby really is a big deal but that, as a family, we would adapt and welcome the new baby with love and care.

• The freedom to choose – We let them be as involved (or not) as they wanted with the pregnancy. All of our pregnancies have been handled through a birthing center, staffed by licensed nurses and doctors who happen to follow midwifery/natural birthing practices. Because of this, they’re more accepting of involving our kids. They let our youngest help with the hand-held heart monitoring equipment, dedicated an entire appointment to showing the kids with the birthing center itself and gave them a kid-friendly overview of child birth.When our son was born, our daughter came into the room with us when she felt comfortable doing so. This was usually to check on her mom, pat a washcloth on her forehead and tell her “You’re doing a good job, Mommy!” She even had the opportunity to cut her baby brother’s umbilical cord.

• Don’t keep them in the dark – We wrote up a birth plan, reviewed it with our family members and also talked to the kids about it. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what a birth plan is, it’s a formal request of certain things during the labor and care for the baby after birth. Our birth plan contains things such as family members we welcome to attend the birth; stipulating that, per my wife, painkillers were not to be administered unless she specifically asked for them; and who was going to be caring for our children. The kids have known for months who will be with them during the labor so they are not worried about being overlooked or forgotten in the chaos. For more information about birth plans, click here. If you would like to see a copy of our birth plan, feel free to email me.

• “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” – Dr. Seuss wrote it and kids respond to it. When their mom started showing, the kids seemed a bit stand-offish about the thing growing and moving inside their mom’s belly. We helped them get comfortable with the notion by talking to the baby. I give my wife’s belly a kiss and talk to it when I get up in the morning, when I go to work and when I come home, just as I do with them. Slowly but surely the kids began to talk to the baby, too. Even though they haven’t been able to see or hold their new sibling, the kids already feel a connection to it and have begun to proactively establish a relationship with their new brother or sister.

Please feel free to share your tips on how to prepare kids for the arrival of a new baby in the house too!

Daniel De Guia is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad.  His personal site is deguia.net. You can also connect with Daniel via Twitter @deguia.

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This article written by Contributing Writer Daniel De Guia.

Alright, parents, it’s confession time: As dads raising daughters, we’re all at an immediate disadvantage because we’ve never known what it’s like to grow up as a little girl.

Are you ready for another confession? I tend to be a “My way or the highway” sort of dad, and it’s a daily challenge to be firm with the rules while still letting my kids be kids.

My 8-year-old daughter is just as independent and bull-headed as I am. Naturally, this often leads to minor conflict. Each day is a learning experience for both of us as we try to co-exist in harmony. Despite our challenging similarities, my daughter and I have an absolutely amazing relationship, but it’s been a long road.

Part of getting to where we are now required me to realize what’s important to little girls. I didn’t have a little sister, a niece or even a female cousin. If anybody could have used an owner’s manual for raising a daughter, it would have been me.

Nevertheless, I have learned a few things to help build a relationship with my daughter:

• When in doubt, ask her mother – Not only will she have your daughter’s best interests in mind, but she’ll hopefully be able to give you honest, straight-forward answers. My poor wife has dealt with more stupid questions from me than she can shake a stick at:”But if she just rips them the first time, why do we keep buying her tights?”"Does she really need another purse to play with?”"THE JONAS BROTHERS?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!”

• Fake it till you make it – As dads, we usually don’t “get” what the big deal is with things like pony tails, accessories or that one “pretty” outfit. The other day my daughter came downstairs ecstatic that she put her hair in pigtails all by herself.Inside I was thinking “And….?” but her huge smile and big blue eyes nearly bulging out of her freckled face showed me that it was a big deal to her.When it’s obvious your care level isn’t on par with hers, fake it. Just don’t be obvious or sarcastic about it. There’s nothing wrong with playing along.

• Let her feel pretty – I’ll be the first one in line to put my foot down about not wanting my little girl dolled up like a streetwalker, but sometimes, when you stop to think about it, does it really matter if she wants to get decked out once in a while?My daughter loves to get all dressed up, even if we’re just going grocery shopping. The sparkly lip gloss, the brightly-colored hair clippy things, gloves and a scarf when it’s 70 degrees out, the shiny dress shoes with shorts and mismatched socks… all of that helps your daughter feel pretty.

• Help her feel pretty – Even if she can do things on her own, sitting down with her and helping her brush her hair, paint her nails and helping her pick out better matching outfits will not only help her feel good about herself, but it will also show her that it really is okay for men to do those things with/for them.I don’t do this every day, but when I do, my daughter loves when I paint her nails. It gives us an opportunity to talk and, more importantly, it’s an activity that she likes which requires her to sit still and focus. Little moments like these, as they get older, are the ones you have to latch onto – it shows them that their dads do care about the details.

• Bring them down a bit – While there are certainly many times when going with the flow will, in the long run, do more good than harm, I think it’s also important to keep them grounded in reality. Obvious ways to do this are through chores, rules, enforcing manners and holding her accountable for her actions.You can also do this through fun methods that can show her that her Old Man is still a force to be reckoned with. Activities like beating her at a video game; teaching her something new that will blow her mind like Chess; and, playing sports with her are all good examples. If they’re always handed a win or get their way all the time, they’ll never learn how to deal with the unexpected.

Do you dads have any tips to share? How about you Mom readers?

Daniel De Guia is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad.  His personal site is deguia.net. You can also connect with Daniel via Twitter @deguia.

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We discovered why traditional cardiovascular exercise is a waste of time if you “don’t have the time” and why resistance training is actually a more efficient option for weight maintenance, metabolic control and overall conditioning.

So what now? What can we do specifically, that accomplishes both our goals of attaining more energy so that we don’t collapse on the couch as soon as we get home from the office AND shrinks our bellies so that they don’t uncomfortably hang over our seatbelts when we’re driving?

The “Gymless” Workout

There’s some ongoing myth out there that you need a bench press, a bunch of dumbbells and an endless number of machines if you want to get a good workout in. NOT TRUE. If you think about our military personnel and even martial artists and gymnasts, one common training method among them standouts. BODYWEIGHT TRAINING.

Male gymnasts, especially, seem to have the most well-defined and functionally sound physiques in all of these past Olympic games. This wasn’t accomplished by running on a treadmill at their local 24-Hour Fitness. In fact, I don’t think gymnasts, male or female, are even allowed to do cardio. It didn’t happen by bench pressing and working their “chest” on Mondays, their “legs” on Tuesdays and splitting up every other body part and working each individually on a separate day each week. And I can guarantee that no fancy machine or gadget has ever carved out abs like the ones you saw in Beijing.

Gymanasts, and most athletes, train by moving their body in space and using their own bodyweight as resistance. Granted the age difference, time dedication and genetics are different for gymnasts than us busy dads, but the principles still remain the same. We may not be doing iron crosses hanging from suspended rings, but we still can get the physical benefits from training like gymnasts/athletes.

First, I think it’s incredibly important to address our midsections. Addressing our “core,” as it is fondly called in the popular media these days, is the first step. Our core musculature, consisting of our abdominals, mid and low back, hip and glutes are often never trained the way they were meant to be trained – do sit-ups or crunches come to mind when I mention “ab exercises”?

Our abdominal muscles’ primary function isn’t to bring our chest into our thighs (like the movement of a traditional sit-up), it’s to hold our body upright and keep our spine stable. Therefore, the best movement to train our abdominals is really NO MOVEMENT AT ALL.

I use a series of Isometric Holds to introduce my clients to abdominal or “core” training. The circuit that I have outlined below is, by far, the best way to get your core strong, activate and use your core muscles the way they were meant to be used and fix you posture all at the same time. You can watch this circuit in action below:

After our cores get stronger, it’s time to start incorporating some basic movement exercises. To get both strength and cardiovascular results, try using a bodyweight circuit like the one outlined below…

1) Bodyweight Prisoner Squat x 10-15 reps (prisoner squats are done with your hands behind your head and your elbows pulled back so that your shoulders are squeezed together)

2) Push-ups x 10 – 15 reps

3) Prisoner Step-Ups x 10 reps per leg (put your left foot on the second step of your staircase, place your hands behind your head. Push through your left heel and step-up. Bring yourself back down in a controlled manner and perform all repetitions on one leg before switching to the other)

4) Stick-Ups x 10 (this is a great postural exercise. You can find the description HERE).

5) Jumping Jacks x 20 (yes, basic can also mean “old school”. Truth be told, JJs are a great way to get your heart rate racing to make your workout more “fat burning”)

If you’re slightly overweight, start off by using a circuit like the one I filmed below. This circuit will be less of an impact on your joints and can ease you into more intense movements like jumping jacks and step-ups.

So here’s the progression for both of the above bodyweight circuits…Time yourself on your first time through the circuit and record the time. Each successive attempt through the circuit, try to beat your time. Perform the circuit 3 times per day, 3 or 4 days per week. There’ll obviously be a point when you can’t go through the whole thing any faster. When you reach that point, it’s time to change things up.

Like I mentioned in Part 1, there are an infinite number of variations and progressions on these exercises. You can YouTube or Google “bodyweight exercises”, check my blog at FitAndBusyDad.blogspot.com (I’ve done a lot of Q’n’A and have an “Exercise of the Week Feature”) or you can check out my e-Book, “20-Minute Workouts for The World’s Busiest Dads” which contains a few circuit variations as well.

The take home message here, guys, is that not being able to get to the gym is no longer an excuse. All you need is your bodyweight and some creativity. As much as technology is propelling us into the future, man was never built to sit on a machine and move our thighs in and out against resistance. We need to be on our feet moving, lifting, pushing and pulling ourselves into better shape. No one has ever created a gym better than the one we were born with – our bodies. We just have to know how to use it the right way.

Chris Lopez, BSc HK, CSCS is a fitness expert, writer and personal trainer. He is an occasional contributor to the Globe and Mail, Maximum Fitness and Men’s Fitness Magazines and has been helping get Busy Dads in shape for 10 years since the birth of his first child. He and his wife live in Toronto, Canada with their 4 daughters. Visit Chris’ blog at FitAndBusyDad.blogspot.com or sign-up for your free report & workout at www.FitAndBusyDad.com.

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