Happy New Year everyone!  Sorry it’s been a while since my last post, but my work and family has needed me to focus on them over the past month.  I hope you had an awesome holiday season and are looking forward to a great 2009!  I’m confident 2009 will be a year of positive change.

The Discovering Dad family had an eventful 2008.  We welcomed a precious new addition in baby Caitlin,  who decided to give us an incredible scare.  You can read more about it here.  My oldest Chani started high school (it makes me feel old saying that ).  My boy Ty has grown into a fun yet bull-headed 2 year old. It was a year of growth.

As for me, I gained a little more weight and lost a little more hair.  I also got re-elected to the local City Council for a 4-year term.  I decided to close my business and return to work in the corporate world – the challenging economic circumstances felt by millions found their way into our home too, but I’m thankful Lori and I both have good jobs to support our family.  It was a year of adjustments.

Moving on to DiscoveringDad.net, I was excited to welcome aboard several new Contributing Writers who have been gracious enough to share their stories and experiences on fatherhood.  The most popular articles in 2008 were by far the What Moms Really Think and What Dads Really Think series.  I was also very proud to feature nearly 30 involved dads in the Spotlight on Dads series.  In addition, I worked with a friend Cory from AGoodHusband.net to launch Husbands & Dads and a Forums site for men.  Finally, it was a huge honor for Discovering Dad to be selected as a new member of the 9Rules Network of blogs.  It was a year of building new connections.

Throughout all of these changes, the one constant has been the incredible bond and relationship between me and Lori, which is truly the foundation upon which our family rests.  I thank God every day for such a strong, independent and loving wife, along with three amazing children.  We’re also very fortunate to have generous and loving extended families that help and support us.  It was a year of thankfulness.

2008 was a year of many things, and I spent the year discovering new things about life, family, community and myself.

Here’s the Discovering Dad Top 10 Discoveries of 2008:

10.  Quantity and Quality both matter.  I used to think that quality time was the only thing that really mattered when it comes to family; however, after experiencing both extremes this year, I now realize the quantity of time spent with family is just as important.  Why?  Because quantity affords the opportunity for quality experiences to occur.  You can’t predict when these unique, little moments will happen, but one thing is certain, they will be few and far between if you don’t make time for your wife and kids.

9.  Weight matters as much to men as it does to women.  I was always one of those guys who took pride in being in good shape.  Over the past few years though, well…, things have slipped.  I’m at least 20 pounds overweight right now, and it pisses me off every day when I look in the mirror.  Several dad bloggers engaged in weight loss challenges in 2008, including me, which makes me think that it’s not just women who obsess over flabby asses and thunder thighs.  I discovered that a bigger part of my confidence than I expected is linked to my physcial appearance.  I’d love to get that confidence and physique back in 2009, but it’s going to take self-discipline and motivation to make it happen.  Stay tuned for more on this topic from me and contributing writer Chris Lopez from Fitness for Dads.

8.  Tough times are an opportunity to role model resiliency, perseverance and hope.  When times are tough in the world – wars, economic instability, rising unemployment, inflation outpacing pay increases – kids are bombarded with negative messages on TV, radio and, perhaps, at home.  When life is hard, it is an opportunity for us to teach our kids how to survive and grow stronger.  If we are resilient and creative in our decision-making, then our kids will learn these behaviors too.  If we persevere and continue to work hard even though we are forced to make sacrifices, then our kids will learn to work hard and push through tough times too.  If we display hope in the midst of uncertainty, then our kids will grow to be hopeful adults too.  2008 was the toughest year my family has seen in a long time, but rather than feel sorry for ourselves and allow circumstances to control us we took the opportunity to role model resiliency, perseverance and hope to our children.

7.  I want to hear what I’m doing right more often.  It’s human nature to focus on the negative – we all do it.  Many people like to make themselves feel better by making others feel (or look) worse.  I hate this kind of behavior.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about accountability for myself and others; however, there is a difference between holding someone accountable and consistently finding flaws.  Even though I embrace accountability, I like it more when people tell me what I’m doing right.  In fact, I like it so much that I will go out of my way to repeat that positive behavior again.  Praise is a motivator 10 times more powerful than fear for me, and I suspect others would agree.  I want to hear what I’m doing right more often in all aspects of my life, and in 2009, praise and positive accountability will be my modus operandi.

6.  Nostalgia hits hard in your mid-30s.  Call is the Facebook phenomena.  Call it getting older.  Or, you might even call it nearly 20 years out of high school!  No matter what you call it, nostalgia hit me hard this year.  It was fun reconnecting with old friends from high school and college, and it brought back tons of incredible memories.  Those were some good times in my life.  Looking back, I can appreciate the friendships and follies now more than ever.  I don’t want to go back in time though – remembering the past has only enhanced my desire to experience more new things in the future!  If you can relate and are feeling nostalgic too, click here to friend me on Facebook.

5.  There’s a difference between controversy and conflict.  Controversies are never a good thing.  It is the result of two or more people or groups failing to find common ground and work out their differences.  Conversely, conflict can be a positive thing.  Constructive conflict is when two or more people or groups disagree on something yet are committed to finding a solution that is mutually beneficial.  Great discoveries often come from constructive conflicts.  In 2008, I experienced both controversy and conflict in my professional, public and personal life.  Every controversy resulted in hurt feelings and damaged relationships, whereas most of the conflicts resulted in new respect and strengthened ties between me and others.  I’m hopeful that 2009 will be filled with some constructive conflict and much less controversy (I just don’t like all the drama).

4.  Productivity is a huge motivator in my life.  Some might call me an overachiever, and they would be mostly right.  I like to be the best at everything I do, and I am willing to go above and beyond in most situations.  This year, I learned what really makes me happy is being productive.  I like to work hard to achieve specific goals.  I don’t want to be all things to all people, but I do want to be the best husband, father, friend and leader that I possibly can.  For me, my strength is my work ethic, drive and determination – all of which combine to make me extremely productive.  Lori is similar in this regard, and I’m convinced that part of the reason we have achieved success and happiness is the fact that we set goals and work hard at achieving them (sometimes through constructive conflict ).  Productivity constantly propels me forward, and it is this strength that I hope to leverage for continued success in 2009.

3.  Know when to say No.  My life got a lot more complicated last year, especially after going back to work in the corporate world.  It was absolutely the right decision for us to make, but it was also one that we knew would require adjustments to our life.  When I had my own business, I set my own hours.  I also spent a significant amount of time with the kids, watching them three days a week to keep them out of daycare.  Fortunately for us, Lori’s parents have stepped in and graciously take over in my stead, since I have to travel some for work and manage a large geographic area.  As a result, I’ve had to learn to say ‘No’ to things that pull me away from spending time with family.  Some of these things include volunteering for community events, hanging out with friends and, yes, even blogging and talking to friends on Twitter.  Saying ‘No’ to these things helped me say ‘Yes’ to my wife and kids, and I imagine that I will continue on this path in 2009.

2.  Being a good Dad is the second most important priority in my life.  Second?  Yes, second.  Being a “Good Dad” is one of the most important things for me in life, but there is something bigger and more important.  What is it?  Being a
“Good Husband.”  My experiences in life have taught me that my role as a husband is by far the most important role in my life.  Lori and I share everything, including a love and bond that I hope and pray our children will experience one day in their own lives.  In my mind, part of being a Good Dad is demonstrating to my kids how to be a Good Husband.  This is not a new discovery for me, but this past year, the importance of this principle was reinforced on several occasions.  I’m proud that Lori and I have learned to lean on each other for love and support, and I’m extremely thankful to have her by my side going into 2009 and beyond.

1.  The more I discover the more I want to know.  I have many friends and relatives who live in a very small world.  The older they grow, the less they learn.  With each year that passes, their world becomes smaller and darker.  They complain more and appreciate less.  I don’t understand these people.  The more I discover about life the more I want to learn.  In 2008, I discovered that one of the greatest things about having a family is that you get to explore this big world with others, and there is something to be said for never being alone.  Nothing compares to seeing a person you love experience something for the very first time.  Men who make the choice not to be husbands or fathers may still experience many things, but they also miss out on some of the most incredible aspects of life.  There are so many things I want to do in life, and I’m thankful to have a family to join me on my journey into the future.

I’m looking forward to discovering many more exciting things about being a good dad, husband, friend and leader in 2009!  How about you?  What did you discover in 2008?  What are you looking forward to most in 2009?  Please share your thoughts or experiences with us!  Happy 2009!!!

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