Integrity is generally defined as adhering to a specific moral code or set of values.  A person with integrity is someone you can trust and rely upon to do what is right, even if it’s not popular.  Politicians and business leaders like to throw around this term, rather loosely in my opinion, but their words often end up being empty rhetoric.  As a parent, I believe my words and actions mean something to my kids - they watch and learn from my example, so acting with integrity is critical if I want them to grow into responsible and trustworthy individuals.

Here are some ways that I role model integrity for my kids:

Treat others with respect, especially my wife.  Treating others with respect and dignity is very important to me, and I want my kids to grow up to feel the same way.  Respecting your spouse is a critical way to demonstrate this behavior to your kids, yet too often it seems like we take for granted the ones that matter most to us.  Also, treating ourselves with respect is important too.  How can I expect my kids to treat other kids and adults with respect if I don’t role model this behavior for them?

Honor my parents and in-laws.  Similar to respect, I feel that honoring my parents and my wife’s parents is part of living with integrity.  These people gave me and my wife life and guidance, and we honor them by deferring to their wisdom at times, asking for advice, spending family time with them and encouraging them to be a part of our lives.  We are fortunate that our parents are great influences in our lives, and we value our relationship with them very much.  I recognize that not everyone had wonderful parents, so this concept could also apply to mentors or other elder family members.

Be courteous to others.  I teach my kids to say “please” and “thank you,” and I expect them to be courteous to others.  I demonstrate this behavior by using these terms with them, as well as asking them politely to do things.  I encourage them open doors for others, smile, make eye contact and offer assistance when they are able, and I look for opportunities to include them in efforts that I make in this regard.

As my grandmother often told me, “Mind Your Manners!”

Say what I mean, and mean what I say.  I’m not a small talker.  I’m not very good at idle conversation of any kind, but I am a friendly guy.  I try to fill conversations with fluff though.  When it comes to my kids, they know that when I ask (or tell) them something I mean it, whether it’s “I love you” or “Stop hitting your sister right now.”  I follow-through on the promises I make to them (and others), and my word is good.

Balance love with accountability. I love my kids very much, and as such, I hold them accountable for their actions.  I make sure that I genuinely and sincerely tell them how much I care about them every day, but I am also quick to discipline them when they are testing their limits or willfully stepping out of bounds.  I also demonstrate accountability to them by admitting when I’m wrong and apologizing when I mess up.

Always do my best.  When I commit to something, I give it my all.  I may not always succeed or achieve my initial goals, but I always give my best effort at everything I do.  I encourage my kids to do the same, while focusing on doing their best rather than being the best.

Be honest yet filter unnecessary criticisms.  It’s important to be honest, but there is such a thing as too much honesty.  You don’t need to tell everyone each and every thought that crosses your mind.  Filters are relevant and necessary, especially when it comes to maintaining and enhancing the self-esteem of others.  If my kids ask me a question, though, I give them an honest answer, and I expect the same in return.  I don’t lie to them, but I don’t think it’s necessary to tell them every single detail about how I feel.

Stand up for yourself.  While I do think humility is an admirable virtue, I don’t think it is good to be a martyr. I stand up for myself, as well as my beliefs.  I don’t go looking for fights, but if someone wants to challenge my integrity or jeopardize me or my families safety, then I’m gonna throw down.  I demonstrate to my kids diplomacy and interpersonal savvy, but I don’t believe that every single instance can be solved with “words” alone.  I have no problem defending myself, and I encourage my kids to do the same.

Look for the good in others.  I believe that most people are essentially good at heart, even though they may have moments of anger or weakness.  I try to focus on what people do right, more than what they do wrong.  I let my kids and others know when I see them doing something good or utilizing a strength.  Not surprisingly, when I do these things, people tend to look for the good in me too.  No one is perfect, but we all have value in this world.  I teach my kids to build mutually beneficial relationships and make a habit of praising others.

Don’t complain, unless I’m willing to be part of the solution.  Nothing irritates me more than whining or complaining, especially when it is a habitual behavior.  If I am going to complain about something, then I make darn sure I am prepared to get involved and positively contribute to the solution.  When my kids don’t like something, I ask them for suggestions on how to make it better, then I expect them to act upon those ideas.

These are some of the ways that I role model integrity for my kids.

What are some ways that you role model integrity for your kids?

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