Don’t Rob Your Kids
This article written by Contributing Writer Tom Bowns.
A lot of parents rob from their children.
I don’t mean they take money or possessions, I mean they take opportunities for growth. And they do it with the best of intentions.
Every time a mom or dad takes on some chore that could just as well be done by one of his or her kids, the child is robbed of an opportunity to grow.
A parent might think, “Well, it’s easier to just do this myself rather than show Billy how to do it,” or “I’d rather it get done right than let Maisy try,” or “I need this done right away,” or “I don’t want to have to fight with Joey; I’ll just do it myself.”
Yes, it’s probably easier, quicker and less emotionally draining to just do it yourself. But what’s your child learning?
They’re not learning how to do that chore, that’s for sure. But they are learning that they get a free ride through life, and it’s not up to them to see that household operations get done. Didn’t you have to do chores as a kid? I know I did! This is one way I learned to do things for myself, rather than relying on mom or dad to do things for me.
The fact is, kids need this opportunity. It’s necessary for them. Not only does it help them gain the life skills they need to survive, but also they feel useful, like theirs is an important position in the family.
Many kids may not naturally want to be helpful or responsible; they’d much rather have everything done for them. So there might be some uphill battles to fight. Getting little kids to stay on task is also very difficult. And getting teenagers to put down the cell phone and listen without rolling their eyes is a monumental feat.
By starting early and sticking with it, you can help overcome this natural inclination toward laziness, and you’ll enjoy the fruit of productive and helpful kids. Responsible behavior has to be encouraged, and more importantly, the opportunity has to be offered. If they aren’t given the means to grow as kids, they will not be able to grow into responsible adults.
My wife and I recently learned this golden rule and have put it into practice. Our five-year-old has regular chores of helping take out garbage, cleaning the dryer’s lint trap and bringing toilet paper into the bathrooms. Our teenage daughters can do dishes, prepare dinner, clean up, vacuum and be mom’s helper when necessary. We found that the more we increased the kids responsibilities, the better they responded. And the better they felt about themselves.
So the next time you think you’ll just do the dishes or take out the garbage yourself, remember not to rob your kid’s from an opportunity to grow.
Please feel free to share any tips you may have about helping your kids learn and grow into responsible young people.
Tom Bowns is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad. His personal site is Being Michael’s Daddy. You can also follow Tom on Twitter @michaelsdaddy.
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Apparently I need to write more about this topic.
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Comment by Antique Mommy on 31 May 2009:
Spot on there Tom. And they LOVE to help. It makes them feel important and part of the household as it should be. The time to start is when they begin to walk. Seriously.
Comment by Tyler - Building Camelot on 1 June 2009:
I can’t wait until my girls can cut the grass
In all seriousness, this is a great article and something I’m guilty of doing all the time. But, when I can tell myself to let go and let my oldest daughter do something, I’m surprised at how well she can do the task.
Comment by Bill Beavers on 4 June 2009:
I was surprised to see this article. I do agree with you completely especially whey they are at a younger age. For me now it’s doing things with my grand kids and I will confirm that they love to help out. Too tired and too busy is driving parents away from the interaction. Great post. All the best.
Comment by Jon - DadTrek on 13 June 2009:
My oldest is only 3, but I still ask her to help me quite often with small tasks, such as “would you please take this to the kitchen sink” etc. She’s too young for routine chores, but I expect to get her started on them within a couple years.
Comment by Tiffeny on 25 June 2009:
Well written and such the truth, children learn from having responsibility and become great dults. No one gets a free ride in life, why would we teach our children too?? thanks!!
Comment by Bill Beavers on 28 June 2009:
I think many don’t involve their children simply because they don’t want to take the time. They’re to busy and it does take some extra time to deal with the little ones but, time well invested.
.-= Bill Beavers´s last blog ..Happy Father’s Day =-.
Comment by Parry Headrick on 11 July 2009:
I found this lesson particularly poignant. I have a new baby, and I’m hoping we can instill in our kids a sense of responsibility. That falls on our shoulders as parents, and it’s not without challenges.
Staying the course will be key.
.-= Parry Headrick´s last blog ..When a Baby Pees – Wear Goggles? =-.
Comment by Keith Wilcox on 24 August 2009:
you make some excellent points. My dad is a carpenter yet I never learned how to build anything because he never had the patience to teach me. I see what you’re saying even with my own kids. They have wanted to help cook on several occasions that I have said “no, it’s quicker if I do it.” You’re right, I should take the time to teach them. Thanks
.-= Keith Wilcox´s last blog ..Aprender Inglés =-.
Comment by Fred&Lisa on 3 October 2009:
Great article and very well written too! We agree 100%. Children are in basic training for life. It is our responsibility as parents to make sure that when the time comes, our children are prepared to meet the challenges of daily life. We have to teach our children to be self reliant now, before it’s too late. Even a boy should know how to do his own laundry and keep his house clean. And why not teach your daughter at least some of the basics of car maintenance and what tool does what? Yes, it is far easier most of the time to give in or do something yourself, but what are we teaching our children? Sometimes to be a good parents, we have to be the bad guy. We have to be able to say “no” even though we know that their only going to throw a fit about it. Children won’t see the big picture until much, much later. But we get our rewards when It’s time for them to go out on their own and we know that we have done our part and prepared them well for life. The bonus to all this comes when we watch them raising our grandkids and witnessing all of our hard work come full circle. Live, Love, Teach and Learn….