Have You Really Hugged Your Kids Today?

September 28th, 2008 • Related • Filed Under

This article written by Contributing Writer Daniel De Guia.

I’m sure most of you have watched that “Free Hugs” video on YouTube, where Juan Mann gives out free hugs to passersby in a busy Australian concourse. We’ve watched as a stranger’s face lights up with a big smile when they get a random, unexpected hug.

A lot of guys aren’t very comfortable vocalizing their feelings, and some men struggle with showing affection to the ones they love most. An easy way to demonstrate to your children that you love them is to give them a hug. Even when they don’t ask for one, most kids will be more than happy to accept a hug at any time, no matter what they may be doing.

Here are some times when I try to make it a point to hug my kids:

1. When they wake up. Who of us wouldn’t want to wake up and get a big hug? Mornings around our household are so chaotic, they’re often beyond description. I try to make it a point to give each of my kids a hug right when they wake up for a couple of reasons: It helps make sure they don’t crawl back into bed to snooze, and it also helps them start the day in a good mood.

2. When I’m frustrated at them. This is something new I’ve been trying to do when I’m about to lose my cool with the little rug rats. When I feel myself reaching my boiling point I walk over and give them great big hugs. You’d be amazed at how a simple hug can melt away your anger and restore some balance to the moment.

3. When I walk in the door from work. I make it a point to give the kids a hug and kiss when I get home. Our house isn’t run like the olden days, where the family would wait by the door for the father to come home. Okay, so maybe I watched “Leave It To Beaver” a little too much when I was little, but the point is my kids know I make a solid effort to search the house for them, usually before I even put down my bag.

4. Spontaneously. I like to keep my children on their toes. One way I do that is to suddenly call them over, in my pretend serious voice. I have a lousy poker face so they usually figure out pretty quickly that I’m up to something. That’s when I give them a big bear hug – pretending to be as strong as I can possibly make it – and tackle them to the floor. Hugs are fun for everyone!

So what are you doing right now? Go give your kid a hug! Now, how do you feel?

Daniel De Guia is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad. His personal site is deguia.net. You can also connect with Daniel via Twitter @deguia.

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Pingback by Have You Really Hugged Your Kids Today? on 28 September 2008:

[...] Start your week off right by heading over to Discovering Dad and reading my new post titled “Have You Really Hugged Your Kids Today?” [...]
Comment by DC Urban Dad on 29 September 2008:

Man hugs rock. I want to come home and hug my kid now. I especially love #4.

It is amazing how simple hugs are but how powerful and how easy it is to forget them.

Thanks for the reminder.
Comment by Chompa on 29 September 2008:

We adopted our boys just over 3 years ago and I’ve been giving many hugs per day since. Originally, it was largely due to trying to overcome the emotional detachment that some kids get from being in an orphanage, but it became a habit. It’s a habit that is doing as much for me as it is for them.
Comment by Matthew on 29 September 2008:

I’m a big believer in the power of hugs. I have three-year-olds now. I’m hoping the hugs don’t become bothersome in their teen years.
Comment by B. Wilde on 29 September 2008:

Daniel – Hugs are great with kids. It’s hard raising kids, but I believe that if we maintain a good relationship with them, through thick and thin, then we will always have them in our lives. After disciplining or correcting a child, I try to follow-up with them to show that my disappointment is over. If I follow up with a hug or even just a pat on the back, it seems to close that distance that’s between us. I had always wanted this from my dad and because it was so important to me, I try to provide it for my kids. Your courage to write about this will certainly make a difference in the lives of many fathers and children.
Comment by orlund on 29 September 2008:

I like #4 Spontaneously. That is one I forget often but I think has a big effect on children(and the wife too)
Comment by Ross on 29 September 2008:

Yeah, hugs are so important…

I’ve found that it takes a bit of time to get to a place where you can hug them anytime and each time is a (small) bonding experience. If you haven’t developed some kind of relationship, hugging can be harder for them to receive when they are teenagers.. Work on having a great relationship in all areas with your kids, and keep up that hugging!

Also – as you say in point two – it does yourself a world of good as well..
Comment by Rich on 30 September 2008:

I am a man and I love given me some hugs!! no problems there.. My little girl is not quite one years old so I’m just waiting till she give dad a real hug back.
Comment by Mike on 1 October 2008:

Great Article I have a daughter and there is no shortage of Hugs (Rich it is great when they try to squeeze you as tight as they can)
I would also suggest telling them how much you love them as well but not just by saying I love you but something along the lines of why you appreciate them like “I had a great time with you at the playground thanks for asking me to go”. This does a two things It says that you like being with them and that time spent with them is valuable to you.
The part about thanking them for asking you to go is a shift from a request to an invite and can be empowering to young children as well.
Comment by UrbanVox on 2 October 2008:

I’ve tried to hug him right now…
he just told me “Leave me alone!!”… Ok… I should probably wait till he’s awake…
I did bribe a hug from him today: “come and give me a hug and I’ll let you play on the XBox!”
heheheheh
Comment by Daniel on 7 October 2008:

I’m glad you all liked the post!

Since my wife read this post she, too, has been trying to go above and beyond and making sure we both give the kids extra hugs.

Even after writing this post, I’m finding more ways everyday that giving hugs has helped my relationship with my children and their outlook.

Here’s an example: When I get home from work if our daughter is frustrated with her homework, my wife will have her to get up and give me a hug. After a big bear hug, her second wind usually seems to have kicked in and she is able to focus again on her school work.
Pingback by 5 Ways to Prepare Your Kids for a New Sibling : Discovering Dad on 9 January 2010:

[...] belly a kiss and talk to it when I get up in the morning, when I go to work and when I come home, just as I do with them. Slowly but surely the kids began to talk to the baby, too. Even though they haven’t been [...]