This article written by Contributing Writer Matt Pfingsten.

Life is full of challenges, and parents teach their kids a lot by how they deal with adversity.  Here is one Dad’s story about How to Deal with Getting Fired:

I work in marketing and advertising.  This means I get fired.  A lot.  Unfortunately, being laid off comes with the territory in this career field.  Over the years, I’ve read many books on transitioning, job-seeking, interviewing and networking, but I have yet to come across any literature that deals with how to gracefully deal with getting canned.

Recently, I lost my job…again…and, once again, I’ve got my name out there in every networking and career site known to man.  According to statistics, I’ll find myself in this position five more times throughout the rest of my career.  Today’s workplace is extremely transient, and most of us will change positions frequently, at least when compared to the Baby Boomer generation.  It’s a sad reality, but nonetheless true.  Millions of Dads have lost their jobs in recent years and have been forced to look for new jobs to support their families.

If you’re like me, you were let go due to financial issues, downsizing or other business-related factors (not performance-related issues).  You did a good job, but the company had to cut back.  It’s disappointing and gut-wrenching, but there are ways to get through it and hold your head high:

1. Collect yourself.  “We have to let you go” is probably the most emotianally-charged statement anyone can make, with the exception of receiving news of the loss of a loved one.  Even if you had a feeling it was coming, your heart will race and you will not be able to think clearly.  TAKE A MOMENT.  There is nothing wrong with asking your superior for a few seconds to compose yourself before you reply.  Terminating someone’s employment isn’t pleasant for anyone, and anyone with common decency will grant this request.  Pausing for a few deep breaths and a sip of coffee immediately after receiving the news will allow your brain to kick back in so that you can handle the rest of the conversation professionally.  Remember, you may need to ask for a reference, so don’t say anything rash.

2. Throw Out Emotion. Once you have processed the blow of being terminated, do your best to approach the remainder of the dialogue with calm integrity, rather than anger or other negative emotions. You will most likely be feeling hurt, angry, frightened and nervous.  “What am I going to tell my wife?  How is this going to affect my family?”  These are all normal questions, and you’ll have time to focus on them later.  Reacting to these emotions may cause you to say things that you wish you hadn’t, and it’s best to keep your cool and try to get something positive from the situation, if possible.

3. Take What You Have Left.  Employers tend to promise things in a termination that, unfortunately, they are not likely to deliver.  A common example of this is “I have some friends in the industry and will give them a call right away. I’m sure we can find you something else.”  Nine times out of ten, while the individual’s intentions may be sincere at the time, once you are out of sight you will be out of mind.  Since you have already calmed yourself, discuss with your superior those TANGIBLE things to which you are entitled.  The amount of your final paycheck, any unpaid vacation or sick leave, 401K options, insurance, any settlement that was pre-negotiated in a termination clause, a written letter of recommendation; these are just a few examples.  Ask specific questions and talk specific dollar amounts, then get them in a signed termination letter on company stationery.  If your boss doesn’t have the figures, patiently explain that you would like to wait in his or her office until you have them.  Remember that as soon as you walk out of that office, it’s back to business as usual for them; you will not have a better opportunity to get the things you’ve earned and will save yourself a great deal of time and effort in having to track it all down later.

4. Get Reference Letters. Four years ago, at the end of a three-hour interview with the employer who recently let me go, I pulled out a reference letter from the president of a previous company.  He read it over, then stated “Wow – This person really liked you.”  I believe that letter got me the job and, subsequently, helped me in negotiating my compensation package.  Assuming you were a valuable member of the organization, it’s only fair to ask for letters of recommendation.   CEO’s, CFO’s and VP’s are great references to have on your resume, and including them in your applications for new positions can give you an extra advantage when a recruiter or HR representative is deciding whom to call in for an interview. Regardless of how uncaring they MAY seem at the moment, your boss is not enjoying this experience either and will likely jump at the chance to do something nice for you.  Ask when THEY are emotional, and you’ll get a better letter; it is my experience that superiors will gush a bit while the iron is still hot.  If they oblige, but say they will do it later, politely thank them and get a firm date on when you can come back and pick it up.  “Thank you Bob. Having a letter of reference from you will help a great deal in future job searches.  I really appreciate it.  Can I follow up with you tomorrow morning and stop by to pick it up?”

5. Hold Your Head High.  Sometimes people are escorted off the premesis immediately by Human Resources, others have a bit more time.  Whatever your situation may be, do everything within your power to maintain integrity.  Don’t hang your head in front of your staff when cleaning out your desk; don’t walk past colleagues and say nothing; smile, shake hands and say goodbye gracefully.  Your co-workers or team members will probably have figured out what happened while you were in the boss’ office, so just be honest with them.  Look them in the eye, briefly explain what happened, shake hands, give hugs and tell them it was terrific working with them.   Be sure to get contact information from anyone who may be able to assist you in your job hunt or that you would like to stay in touch with for professional reasons.  The next day, better to have people saying, “He was a class act and really professional.  This is a big loss for the company.”  If you handle the situation by ignoring everyone, throwing things around and stomping out, then the conversation will more likely be, “MAN that was uncomfortable. I think I heard from Grace in Accounting that he was stealing office supplies!  Oh well, the company is better off without him.”  These people will be called on by prospective employers for references, so leave a good impression in their mind.

6. Take A Day Off. Then, Send A Thank You Letter. This may be a very difficult thing to do, considering you will probably harbor some resentment toward your recently employer, but do it anyway.  Even though your company WILL move on without you, it is to your advantage for them to feel a slight bit of guilt for letting you go, and “killing them with kindness” leaves the door open in case something changes in the future.  Just a paragraph to your company president, supervisor or director of human resources stating that you “understand the business decision that had to be made” and “it was a pleasure working for you and you hope to stay in touch” should be enough to let them know there are no hard feelings.  This will likely lead to a much stronger reference from them in the future.  No matter how angry or frustrated you may be with them, leave ego at the door and do the right thing.  Remember, your family needs you to demonstrate leadership at this time of uncertainty, so don’t burn any bridges. Once you’ve received a glowing reference from your boss and landed that amazing new (and better) job, you’ll be able to look back on the situation with a sense of pride.

How you leave a company is almost as important as how you enter one.  I’ve found that following these steps will help you get what you need and move into the job hunt with a stronger chance of success.  When letting someone go, no one knows how the person sitting across from them will react – don’t be the crazy one that jumps across the desk and gets nothing.  Keep in mind that the company that is “cruelly and unfairly” kicking you out into the street, and the boss towards whom you want to hurl insults with every fiber of your being, will be occupying a very large section of real estate on your resume the very next day.  Don’t negate years and years of hard work and sterling performance on the very last meeting you’ll have there.

Lastly, when you get home from this challenging day, give your wife and kids a big hug and kiss and let them know that everything will be alright.  Things will find a way of working out for the better, and you’ll gain respect for showing strength in the face of adversity.  How you deal with getting fired means a lot to your future; your self-esteem; and, your family.  Get canned like a man!

If you’ve ever dealt with getting fired, please share how you dealt with it.  Any best practices when leaving?  How did you get past the emotions and move on productively?  What did you say to your family?  What did you learn from the situation?  Tell us all about it!

Matt Pfingsten is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad. His personal site is The Playpen. You can also connect with Matt via Twitter @mattredsparks.

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