This is such a loaded question. There really isn’t a good answer. It’s kind of like asking which one of my kids I love most. It’s subjective and stupid to speculate.

I’ve been asked multiple times this month if I think it’s more important to be a good husband or a good dad? My canned answer is, “I’m not really ‘good’ at anything, but I try real hard.” Most people get the hint and move on to another topic. Some get irritated at my sarcasm. I’m not sure why - it could be the implied “dumbass” at the end of my response.

The truth is I don’t know which is more important. It seems to depend more on the time and situation, rather than the philosophy or mindset. If my wife needs me, then I’m there for her. If my kids need me, then I’m there for them. It’s very rare that I have to choose one or the other.

As parents, my wife and I naturally make sacrifices in our relationship to accommodate the needs of the kids; however, just because we don’t have crazy sex on the living room floor anymore, it doesn’t mean we aren’t a passionate couple. Marriage evolves after you become parents.

Kids are dependent on parents for basic survival needs, and it is an absolute responsibility of parents to provide necessities for their children. Kids also require a significant amount of love and attention, if you want them to develop and grow into good people. Being a good father requires time and energy on my part; and, whether I like it or not, it is at the expense of being a good friend, volunteer, worker and, sometimes, husband.

I was raised to believe that married couples should put each other first, before all others, including the kids. I have wonderful parents, and they were excellent role models for this philosophy. I always knew my parents loved me, but there was never a question in my mind as to who they loved more (each other), and I was fine with this.

It makes sense to me. Kids grow up and, eventually, they have lives and a family of their own. If you’re fortunate, like my parents, marriages endure and continue on. Husbands and wives who love, value, respect and understand each other can spend a lifetime together, and never get tired of the other one’s stinky feet, sweaty palms, snoring or goofy laugh.

The difference between husbands and wives and parents and kids is that one relationship is based on wants while the other is based on needs, in most cases. My wife doesn’t need me to survive, but she wants to be with me to make her life more complete. This freedom, or choice, means something to me that is manifested in a mutual desire to have her as a part of my life.

I want to be a good husband no matter what. I need to be a good dad to my kids, whether I want to or not. So, have I answered the question yet? No, but I’m trying!

I guess the best way for me to put it is this: I am an individual first; husband second; dad third; and, everything else falls later on the list. I recognize that I have to take care of myself, in order to take care of others. My responsibilities differ with every role, but I strive to exceed expectations in each of them.

I try my hardest to be a good husband, even though my wife and I don’t get much time alone any more. We make the most of the few moments we do get. I’m also learning what it means to be a good dad, although I admit that I’ve made a lot of mistakes and learned many things the hard way. I’m pretty dense at times.

It’s important to me to be both a good husband and a good dad, and it depends on the time and situation as to which one wins out. There really isn’t a right answer to the question of whether or not being a good husband or good dad is more important, as long as you’re trying to be good at both.

Now, stop asking me these stupid questions - DUMBASS!

Just kidding You can ask me anything you want, as long as I get it in writing in the comments to one of the posts on this site. For expedited responses, mail your question to me along with an 8-pack of Guinness and a big fat stogy.

Related Posts:

The Evolution of Marriage After Parenthood
What is the History of Discovering Dad
20 Kinds of Dads - Which One are You?

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