This article written by Contributing Writer Tom Bowns.

Just last week I learned a little more about being a good husband.

I had just completed a DIY recessed lighting project for our family room and had scheduled a visit from the county inspector to sign it off. On the day the inspector was to drop in, my wife was visibly stressed out, hurriedly tidying up one room after another.

While I calmly arranged my project permit papers on the clipboard and did a few last checks of the wiring, my wife began scrubbing dishes. I stopped what I was doing and asked what the trouble was.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, finally.

“That inspector is coming, and I don’t want the house to look like a pigsty,” she said, tensely, never breaking her concentration.

“Oh, that,” I said, relieved. “Honey, it’s okay. He’s a guy. He’s not here to look at the house, just the wiring. He won’t care about a little mess.”

Then, she gave me a real eye-opener. In a semi-serious sort of pouting tone, she said “Don’t dismiss me.”

“What?” I asked, clueless.

“You’re dismissing my feelings. You’re making it sound like what I care about doesn’t matter.” She didn’t whine, lecture or manipulate. She just delivered it straight out, in a way that kept me from being defensive.

I had to think about it. What is it she cares about? She cares about how her home looks. She’s told me this before. She’s made it clear that to her, our home’s appearance is a direct reflection on her and how well she takes care of it.

“I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t think about that,” I said. “How can I help?”

She smiled and told me what she’d like to see cleaned up first, and we got right on it.

It was a simple thing; a very small issue to explain and resolve – but at the same time, it was a very big thing to her. It meant all the world for her to know that I take her needs seriously, and that this is one of them. And it helped us grow just a bit closer together.

I was reminded that it’s not always about us guys, even if the situation might seem like it is.  Have you ever overlooked your wife’s feelings?  Missed the signals?  What did you do to recover?

Tom Bowns is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad. His personal site is Being Michael’s Daddy. You can also follow Tom on Twitter @michaelsdaddy.

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