This article written by Contributing Writer Tom Bowns.

Sunday, after pulling my lawnmower out and getting it ready for the task ahead, I noticed my wife and five-year-old son walk by on their way to get the garden hose. Her mission was to tend to the flowers in the yard, and his was to water everything in sight, whether it needed it or not.

As my wife pulled the hose around from the faucet to the walkway, the coils intertwined in front of me and formed a perfect sheepshank knot. She looked back at the tangle in frustration. Without a word, I calmly reached down and pulled free the one critical loop, releasing the knot and allowing her to continue pulling the hose around.

It occurred to me just then how simple that problem was for me to solve. I wasn’t intimidated by it at all: it was little more than a simple mathematical equation, one that can easily be solved. The hose had tangled itself up, therefore it should only take a little intervention on my part to get it untangled. It was just a matter of recognizing which loop to pull.

My five-year-old son faces similar problems every day, but for him they’re not so simple. His problem-solving skills are still very rudimentary, as would be expected of any five-year-old.

For example, nearly every morning while getting dressed he’ll pick out a shirt that’s turned inside-out, and he’ll become upset that he cannot figure out how to make it right. So he comes to me, tangled shirt in hand, and tells me “I can’t do it.”

I then calmly and patiently explain to him how he can look at the shirt and figure out where to hold it, and then to pull through one sleeve and then the other. He does what I ask, and is delighted when he’s able to get the shirt straightened out. I smile and tell him that pretty soon he’ll be able to do this all on his own.

I know that eventually he’ll catch on, and then this problem won’t be a problem any more, just a minor inconvenience that he is completely equipped to deal with.

In time, he’ll be able to clean his room on his own without being overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the task. He’ll be able to prioritize his efforts, and he’ll be able to work out a strategic course of action. He’ll then be able to use this skill to work through his homework, writing theme papers, doing math problems, writing book reports, presenting science projects. One skill builds upon another, and another, and so on.

As he goes through life, he’ll meet more complicated and perplexing problems, some that will be outside of my ability to guide. And for those he’ll need to rely on confidence of his own ability to solve problems, and his resiliency to bounce back when his efforts fail.

And while some of the problems he encounters will be complicated affairs, many of them will be simple “knots” that, if he remembers and acts upon the things he learns in his childhood, will be simple for him to “untie.”

It’s our job as parents to teach our kids to not be afraid of knots, in whatever situation they’re encountered, but to patiently and persistently work through them. This builds in them the experience to resolve the minor problems with relative ease, and the strength and self-confidence to face much tougher problems without buckling under the pressure.

How do you help your kids learn to untie “knots” in life? What are some of the “knots” you face as a parent? Please feel free to share your stories!

Tom Bowns is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad. His personal site is Being Michael’s Daddy. You can also follow Tom on Twitter @michaelsdaddy.

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