This article written by Contributing Writer Tom Bowns.

I’m not calm.

That’s a heck of an introductory sentence, but I feel like I need to state this for the record and get it out in front to better set the foundation for the remainder of my missives.

My hope, via this editorial, is to provide some insight and impart the wisdom of my own experience of being a loving father who also struggles with anger and frustration.

I’ll begin by stating that I am not a calm person, despite what our gracious host Discovering Dad (Jeremy) has told me on occasion. My outward show of calm is a façade at best, but it is something I strive to make a solid characteristic.

It’s easy to be frantic, stressed-out and uptight, given the kinds of trials that are foisted upon me on a daily basis. As a fresh example, not more than an hour ago as I write this, my 4-year-old son Michael brought me to my boiling point for probably the fifteenth time today.

Long story short, instead of heeding my amplified suggestions of taking small bites of the giant strawberry he’d been given, he crammed the whole thing into his mouth, drank some juice against my loud advice, and summarily puked onto my placemat. I couldn’t move fast enough to stop that chain of events, and immediately became angry, very noisily bringing him and the placemat over to the sink to wash off, whereupon he let a corner go and dropped the berry goo on the floor.

It’s things like this, and the fact that they happen at least once every day without fail, that keep my nerves stripped down to the bare nubs.

Fatherhood is a Petri dish for frustrations for me. It is a smorgasbord of situations that can go horribly wrong in mere moments. It is a breeding ground for stress.

And unfortunately, my particular inclination for dealing with stress is to explode. This is an unfortunate legacy that has been passed on to me from my parents. Sorry mom & dad, but it’s a fact. I’ve gotten used to it. I don’t naturally handle stress so well; when my internal limits have been surpassed, I go off. And this usually involves a lot of yelling.

Now, most know that being physically violent is a very bad thing. Fortunately I have not made a habit of that practice. I do yell a lot. I’m sure that if my kids could pin a nickname on me, it’d be something like Mr. Shouty McFurious or Anger Madington.

But yelling is not a good thing either. Over at Daddy Brain, the author shares some very compelling research that goes beyond simply “yelling is not nice” to “yelling causes physical brain damage”. I hadn’t known this. This is important. It is something that therapy for your child is not going to resolve. This gives me a great deal more incentive to really hold back and find another mechanism for coping.

I do not want my children to grow up and look back upon their childhood being nothing but a succession of screamfests, and now I am armed with the knowledge that I don’t want my kids growing up wired to pass the legacy of stress along either.

So I have prayed to be calmer. I have prayed to tame my knee-jerk reaction and instead respond to stressful occurrences with a more even-keeled and unruffled approach.  The more I repeat these positive behaviors, the easier it is to get beyond the boiling point and maintain my composure.

Of course, the best way to learn to become calm is to have lots of opportunities to exercise this “muscle.” As I said before, I get plenty of chances to work on this and I can see and feel that new habits are forming.

I genuinely believe that God has blessed us with Michael to restore me to the patient and calm person I once was. Michael teaches me by providing frequent daily opportunities to exercise patience and calm responses to otherwise overwhelmingly stressful stimuli. And He has granted me calm in times when by all rights I should have none left to give.

I don’t succeed every time. But as I go along and see where I have failed, I gain a little more strength and resolve to make better choices and recognize those opportunities for growth the next time.

Like nearly every other aspect of living, fatherhood is a journey, a growth experience. I believe becoming a father is one of the best ways to further the journey that is being a man.

What are some ways that you cope with the stress of parenting?  How do you get beyond the boiling point?

Tom Bowns is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad. His personal site is Being Michael’s Daddy. You can also follow Tom on Twitter @michaelsdaddy.

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