Spotlight on Dads – Elliott Kim
Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series from Discovering Dad that features involved fathers from around the world. The objective of the series is to inspire fathers to connect and learn from one another, while also deconstructing the stereotype of fathers as ’second’ parents.
This week’s spotlight shines on Elliott Kim from 21st Century Dad. Elliott is a fun and witty dad with a creative streak. He is a designer by trade, but he’s also designed a very unique life for himself. Read on to learn more.
Tell a little about yourself. Some of the things I do for a living include blogging, freelance writing, photography, and internet consulting. To pay the bills, I’m a digital and print media designer specializing in business and commercial graphics.
What about your family background? Renee and I aren’t legally married, but we function as a married couple. It’s a lot easier to say, “my wife” than any other terms or explanations used to describe our relationship status. Not much about me is easy to explain. I am of Korean ancestry, but I’m even “whiter” than my wife who is of western European descent by way of Texas. I’m the beer-drinking country music fan in the house.
We have what you might call a “turnkey family.” Renee has a 14 year old son from a previous marriage, and we have a beautiful 14 month old baby girl Ariana. We started referring to her as “Twilli” online, but the name stuck. The teenager is referred to as “Au-Teen.”
What do you like most about being a dad? Becoming a dad was a major upgrade to my outlook (as opposed to Outlook) on life. Simpler pleasures reveal themselves to me. When Dorothy landed in Oz, it might have felt something like this.
What do you find most challenging about being a dad? Managing time and money is a universal struggle, but it’s amplified when you have children. We still have the same 24 hours we’ve always had each day, but it’s more fleeting and precious.
What’s your most memorable experience(s) so far as a dad? It really has to be the day Twilli was born. I got a text message about 10am from Renee. We hadn’t done any maternity portraits, so I hastily set up the lighting. I was taking photos in-between contractions! The day moved so slow, then it sped up dramatically. We welcomed Twilli into the world within minutes of arriving at the birth center.
In general, how do you think dads are perceived? Why? Dads are starting to get more respect. We’re not the “other parent” anymore. This is an exciting time to be a dad. We have the power to define that role. We are in the midst of a major paradigm shift.
How has the experience as dad helped you discover something new about yourself? I didn’t grow up in a community with a strong Asian presence, so I was naturally singled out, picked on, teased, and even bullied. If being Asian was the reason I was treated like that by my peers, I didn’t want to have anything to do with that. I became what’s known as a “whitewashed’ Asian. I didn’t want to have anything to do with being Korean except for my love of insanely spicy food and cooking with obscene quantities of garlic.
My daughter’s arrival triggered a lot of reflection on my past and the future. I finally let go of any lingering resentments about being Korean. I became interested in exploring Korean culture again. For my daughter’s first birthday, We dressed her up in a traditional Korean hanbok. She needs the opportunity to explore that side of her.
Who do you go to for advice about fatherhood? I talk to other moms and dads. The advice I get from moms is just as valuable. Dads do everything but breast feed.
Do you hang out with many other dads? If not, why? If so, what do you do together? I carpool with a guy who has a 3 year old girl and another one due in December. My wife has made friends with some other stay-at-home moms. I socialize with the other dads during gatherings and play dates.
Tell a little about your website. I started 21stCenturyDad as a place where dads can go for advice, tips, and tricks. Like many parenting blogs, it slowly evolved into a personal journal. Now I split the content between the personal accounts and the stuff that appeals to NPR listeners. I occasionally contribute to 21stCenturyParenting.com, which is my wife’s blog. Before we started the parenting blogs, we had ReneeAndElliott.com. It was our first foray into blogging. I used to make fun of couples that had “we-mail” accounts. Renee had to stick it to me and register a domain.
Anything else you’d like to share? Parenting is the hardest and most gratifying work I’ve ever done. I’ve learned so much and still I feel like I know even less than I did last year.
Next week’s Spotlight on Dads – Nominations are OPEN! Come back and learn more about another involved Dad. Make sure you don’t miss it – Subscribe to get free updates.
Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series published each Saturday on Discovering Dad. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section. Your feedback and recommendations will help to shape this series. Thanks!
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Apparently I need to write more about this topic.
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Comment by orlund on 4 October 2008:
I like reading Elliott’s blog 21st Century Dad. If you haven’t visited it you should.
orlunds latest discovery was..Friday’s Photo: Bear Hug
Comment by Surfer Jay on 5 October 2008:
“I was taking photos in-between contractions!” that’s awesome dude. At least you finally got some shots in, the chance doesn’t come often… I also put off our maternity shots untill late in the pregnancy. But we got multiple days of shots and settings over the last two months. But I still wish, well she wishes, we got shots of her smaller ratrher than larger.
Your site looks cool, i will be sure and drop in.
Comment by BusyDad on 9 October 2008:
Elliot and I share similar backgrounds. I grew up in an Irish neighborhood and was constantly teased and beat up simply because I was Asian (ok, fine, I was an annoying smart kid who killed the class curve and smiled about it). It’s nice to know other “bananas” or “twinkies” as we are often referred have grown up and become well adjusted dads, at least on paper (right?). Great interview, Elliot! And keep em coming, Jeremy!