Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series from Discovering Dad that features involved fathers from around the world. The objective of the series is to inspire fathers to connect and learn from one another, while also deconstructing the stereotype of fathers as ’second’ parents.

This week’s spotlight shines on Jeff from Daddy’s Toolbox. Jeff has a tongue or two involved in another site about food as well. He is a fun guy to follow on Twitter, especially if you want to talk about fatherhood, technology and food.

Tell a little about yourself. Hey there everyone, I’m Jeff (a.k.a. Daddy’s Toolbox) a 36-year-old father of two children. My son is 3 1/2 and my daughter is 2. I’ve been married to my wife, Cathy, for 6 years this September and we live in Chester County, PA, about an hour west of Philadelphia. My wife and I both have full time jobs and sometimes I wonder how we keep our sanity with racing home in the evenings after picking up the kids from daycare and making dinner, playing and doing the bedtime routine! We hardly get time to relax (together) before its morning and the whole process begins again.

Anyway, I’m a self-taught web developer and now SharePoint consultant with my current company. I enjoy learning new things, especially web apps and such, and learning how to be a better blogger (while the midnight oil is burning). I am the author of DaddysToolbox.com and my wife and I try to keep up with two other blogs as a hobby, TwoTonguesUp.com – a recipe blog with a few wine reviews thrown in and then a blog for our township where we discuss some Green Living topics and community issues.

What about your family background? I’m originally from Northeast Ohio, Chardon, to be exact. Known for a ton of snow each winter and maple syrup! My whole family lived in Chardon when I grew up. It was small-town Ohio, both sets of grandparents lived there (each within a mile of our house) and some extended family as well. I never was able to escape the watchful eyes of my elders! Guess that is why I grew up a good kid with a conscious. We did the Sunday dinner get together which was nice as I got to see my grandparents all the time. I’m also glad my folks moved to be 20 minutes away from us because I know my kids will love the fact that Mama and Papa were here to watch them grow up.

I recently wrote in a post that I had lost my only sibling to cancer when I was 13 and she was 10 years old. You can read that over on my blog, it’s at the end of my Why Can’t I Relax post. It was a long battle for my family, the ups-and-downs lasted a few years. After high school I attended Wittenberg University in Springfield Ohio where I majored in Psychology. Moved out to the Philadephia area in 1996 and have loved it ever since. My wife and I met on September 7, 2000 and were married exactly two years later on September 7, 2002. I’d like to say “I planned it that way!”

What do you like most about being a dad? I like the one-on-one time with my kids. I feel more “open” and able to communicate with them without my wife or others watching. Guess you’d call this being “shy,” even around my wife or parents when I’m with the kids. I love watching them grow up, I’m totally amazed at how our son is learning things. He’s in daycare 5 days a week and learns so much. There is always something that he says that makes me laugh! The other day my wife and I needed to know how to say Tuesday in Spanish, and our son rattled off the days of the week in Spanish with no problems! It was so cute and he smiled with pride afterward. One thing that makes me melt as a Daddy is putting my daughter to bed at night. We have a nice routine and it’s relaxing for both of us. When I am ready to leave the room I say, “Goodnight Sweetie, I love you!” and she replies, “I Luv You Toooooooo” in her cute little 2-year old voice

What do you find most challenging about being a dad? I find it very difficult to really “let loose” as a father. I can do so with friends, but when my Daddy hat is on, I just never seem to really laugh enough. That is very disturbing to me and I can only attribute this side of me to my adolescent years. It’s something I’m working on.

What’s your most memorable experience(s) so far as a dad? Well, it’s definitely NOT very funny. I’ve had a lot of funny moments, pretty much something everyday is funny with the kids. But the most memorable was the day we found out my daughter had a peanut allergy. I got a call from my wife while I was at work and my co-workers had to remind me how I acted. I started off confused, then concerned, and then I panicked. I left work in a flash to drive and meet them at a friend’s house to find out my daughter was OK. I said some nasty things (that I don’t really remember) to my wife because I was so scared something bad was going to happen. You can read the post about Our Peanut Scare.

In general, how do you think dads are perceived? Why? I think most Dads are perceived as being the “guy” around the house and not a real caretaker of the kids. I think this still stems from the years of men being the bread winners but that has been changing over the last decade or so, all for the better. There are more and more fathers staying home with kids now. I don’t have any issue with either parent staying home, if they can do so. Both my wife and I calculated the cost of one of us staying home, including benefits and more, and we found it was best for us to both continue to work.

How has the experience as dad helped you discover something new about yourself? Not sure if it has (yet) or I don’t see what has changed.

Who do you go to for advice about fatherhood? I turn to other Daddy bloggers as they all seem to have great stories and information available to share. There is a huge community of us “Daddy Bloggers” out there which is great! I also talk to some friends and parents of kids in our daycare to see if their children are being educated at the same level, or maybe if their kids are also freaking out when they get home in the evenings. It’s nice to know that we aren’t the only family with both good and not so good times at home.

Do you hang out with many other dads? If not, why? If so, what do you do together? Hang out? You mean like, leave my house, alone and meet up with other dads or friends at a bar or to watch a football game? Is that possible? Well the answer is, yes! And thank you sweetie for letting me leave after the kids are in bed at 9pm to grab a few beers with some other men or watch Monday Night Football! It’s a break from reality. It re-energizes me. Half the time, we don’t even watch football, we end up talking about the most random things even kid topics fall into the mix. It’s just a release from daily work and kids. I even wish my “Mrs” would go out twice a month once the kids are in bed. Maybe even have one another hang out with friends for Happy Hour, or a movie just for a break. It would do us both good!

Tell a little about your website. I find I can release any daily stress by typing my thoughts into my blog and sharing with others. I’m a VERY open person and it comes naturally to me to want to share my thoughts or feelings. I guess I was raised that way – no, wait, I WAS RAISED that way.

So I have my Daddy blog, Daddy’s Toolbox, where I write about my life as a dad and share stories and thoughts along with valuable information I find on the web. I also enjoy cooking, beer and wine and that is why Cathy and I started Two Tongues Up. We actually “stole” (sorry Bridget and Frank) that name from some friends after they said “Two Tongues Up,” while we were sipping damn good tequila from Mexico City. We haven’t been that active with the recipes lately, I think it has to do with the summer, we tend to not really cook as much. I’m a wonderful cook, no really I am! My wife, thanks to me, now eats all fish, veggies and much more – she was a cheesesteak and potato gal before I met her!

Anything else you’d like to share? Thanks Jeremy for asking me to do this write up. This is a great way to self-reflect and think about all the things I don’t stop and think about. Please stop over to my Daddy’s Toolbox blog and read a few more of my posts and stories. If you want to contact me, please do.

Next week’s Spotlight on Dads will feature an “urban” dad! Come back and learn more about another involved Dad. Make sure you don’t miss it – Subscribe to get free updates.

Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series published each Saturday on Discovering Dad. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section. Your feedback and recommendations will help to shape this series. Thanks!

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