Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series from Discovering Dad that features involved fathers from around the world. The objective of the series is to inspire fathers to connect and learn from one another, while also deconstructing the stereotype of fathers as ’second’ parents.

This week’s spotlight shines on Joey from Daddy Brain.  Joey is a smart guy who shares some great insights on his blog, so if you’re looking for a place to spark your “brain,” then check him out.

Tell a little about yourself. My name is Joey Donovan Guido & I am a professional copywriter living in Madison, Wisconsin. I am originally from NY, but the need for a steady income to support my family led me to the mid west.

I have a wonderful wife named Kara, and two boys named Joss (2), and Max (4). I also have a cat named Olivia.

What about your family background? What seems most relevant is the transition we’ve made moving out here. Our family & friends are all in NY, so there’s a strong sense of isolation that creeps in often. And there’s the guilt that my kids are being cheated out of time with their grandparents. But what could I do? I had to support my family, and this was the very best option.

With the move also came a full-time job (45 hours per week) and a 1.5-hour commute. This is a huge change for my family. In NY, I had my own copywriting/marketing company and worked from home. When I was doing well, I worked for about 4 hours per day. I was saving money, and more importantly, I got to spend lots of time with my 1st son, Max.

This is one of my biggest struggles — time away from my family, albeit to support my family, at a job that is very unsatisfying. I believe I will never “adjust” to this change. I also believe that there is a solution to this problem. I just need to keep looking within myself to find it.

What do you like most about being a dad? Wow. Believe it or not, I’ve never thought about this before. The hugs are definitely up there. And being an involved dad, all the little moments we share together – play time, shopping, meals… all of it.

What do you find most challenging about being a dad? Missing my kids all day, for sure. And, finding time for myself. I’m just so exhausted & burnt out. It’s a struggle to get to a place that is closer to balance. Also, staying calm and open when my kids have a lengthy tantrum, become obsessive, or get overly emotional for an extended period of time.

What’s your most memorable experience(s) so far as a dad? The day Max was born. Not because Joss’ being born was any less important, but because of the stress and the threat of loss that was involved. It’s kind of a dad/husband experience, a duality of emotion that I never thought possible.

The doctor had tried to induce my wife (twice), but she wouldn’t dilate. Eventually it became an emergency situation, and we were brought in for a C-section.

We were not rushed in, because the doctor was busy with another birth. So my wife and unborn son went through contraction after contraction. Heart rates were up and it became a very dangerous situation. My wife was in so much pain, I don’t know how she did it. She is so much stronger than she realizes — so much stronger…

I am happy to say that the C-section went fairly well and my healthy son was born.

Afterward got dicey, though. My wife insisted I go with Max to the nursery. I went, but was torn, wanting to remain with her, as well. I will never forget talking to him, “hi Max, it’s me daddy,” and his effort to see me through the medicine they put on his newborns eyes. Max squeezed my finger and didn’t let go. He’s always been my pal.

A few minutes later, I went to check on my wife. They wouldn’t let me in the room while they were stitching her up, so I peeked through the blinds. She was shaking, almost convulsing. The doctor was yelling, “put her under.” I was so scared that I was going to lose her, but there was nothing I could do.

Back and forth I went, from the joy of the nursery to the horror of the hallway outside the operating room.

Finally, they moved her to recovery and I watched her sleep, and thanked the Universe that both of them had made it.

In general, how do you think dads are perceived? Why? Dads are perceived as second-class parents. No question. For the most part, we’re shown as dopes (if at all) in commercials, magazine ads and television shows. Overall we don’t get much credit or respect for our ability to raise & care for our kids.

I have even been told by family members that it’s my job to provide the money, and it’s my wife’s job to raise the kids – not mine! What?

Modern day dads have just as much ability, and just as much of a right to take care of our kids.

How has the experience as dad helped you discover something new about yourself? I never realized I could be so selfless until I had kids.

Who do you go to for advice about fatherhood? I have a couple of good dad friends that I respect. I don’t really go to my dad. I hope my boys will feel comfortable to come to me, that they’ll feel I have some worthwhile wisdom to offer.

I also look inside myself for advice/answers.

Do you hang out with many other dads? If not, why? If so, what do you do together? Not really, except for my friend Derrick while we’re at work. Truthfully, I’m all about being with the kids as much as possible. Once they’re in bed, I’m way too tired to go out and meet a friend (plus most of them are still in NY).

Tell a little about your website. In a nutshell, Daddy Brain offers thoughts, feelings and occasional advice about being a real dad in the real world. From the get go, many of my posts have been about the “guts,” or raw emotions, associated with being a dad. We don’t get a chance to discuss this stuff like moms do.

Some posts are more high concept about parenthood, manifesting reality, hitting, yelling, etc. Essentially, I want to help other dads, and in the process I am also helping myself be a better dad. One of my intentions with the blog is to let dads (and moms) know that they are not alone.

Anything else you’d like to share? I’d like to thank you for the honor of being highlighted on your blog. I’d also like to thank Dad of Divas for nominating me. When I started writing my daddy blog, I never imagined how many dad friends I would make. I am very grateful to be part of our community.

I’d also like to ask each of your readers to remember something: anything is possible. No matter what situation you are in, even if it seems hopeless, there is a positive way out. John Lennon once said, “where there’s life, there’s hope.” It’s a belief I teach my kids every day, and in the process I remind myself, too.

Next week’s Spotlight on Dads will feature a very manly dad! Come back and learn more about another involved Dad. Make sure you don’t miss it - Subscribe to get free updates.

Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series published each Saturday on Discovering Dad. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section. Your feedback and recommendations will help to shape this series. Thanks!

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