Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series from Discovering Dad that features involved fathers from around the world. The objective of the series is to inspire fathers to connect and learn from one another, while also deconstructing the stereotype of fathers as ’second’ parents.

This week’s spotlight shines on Matt Pfingsten from The Playpen.  Matt is a marketing guru living in LA, along with his wife Aline and little girl Frankie.  Matt and Aline also run a successful kids clothing company called Red Sparks.

Tell a little about yourself. My name is Matt Pfingsten. I was born and raised in St. Louis area, then moved out to LA in ’93 to attend school. Note: for those of you not familiar with LA quake history, that was about 6 months before the big ’94 Northridge quake…quite a welcome party! I have been working in marketing/advertising ever since. I met my beautiful and wonderful Lebanese wife, Aline, at a part-time job. She was actually my boss. Oh how that has changed…NOT! On April 23, 2005, we had our daughter, Frankie. Frankie was born at 32 weeks, and weighed 3lbs, 6oz. She spent about 6 weeks in the NICU, but I am happy to report that, at three-years-old, she is healthy, happy and completely crazy.

What about your family background? I consider my childhood to be a good one. My mom and dad were very good parents, and we were always well taken care of and encouraged to try new things. They divorced when I was thirteen (my sister was ten), but both have remarried and are living their lives. My mom continues to be an amazing source of support for me, even when she disagrees with me. I went through a three-year sport bike/skydiving stage in my early twenties that must have driven her insane. I think being close to my mom has really taught me to at least attempt to see things through a woman’s eyes. Granted, this is almost always impossible, but it’s the thought that counts!

What do you like most about being a dad? There are a lot of things that I enjoy, and I had to think about this one for a while. At the end of the day, I think it comes down to pride. As we get older its natural to do less for ourselves, and I think that can have a negative impact on our individuality over time. But having my daughter has provided me with more validation than I could ever hope for. Whether its being left completely speechless by something she says out of the blue, the sheer radiance of her smile, or that strange sort of choked-up feeling I get when she goes over to another kid and tries to help them up when they’ve fallen, she has given me strength and a sense of purpose that I have never before experienced.

What do you find most challenging about being a dad? Balance. I am constantly struggling to maintain an even keel. There are times when I have the patience of a saint, and others when I feel like a pressure cooker. Sometimes I want to spend all of my time with her, and others I just want to be alone. I have always been a bit of an extremist, and I have to consistently remind myself that its better for me to spend a little quality time each day with her than to spend all my time for several days in a row and not giving myself time off. Its better for me, for my wife and for her.

What’s your most memorable experience(s) so far as a dad? The day my daughter was born. The way it happened. The absolute overwhelming whirlwind of emotion and fear. I was completely out of control emotionally…not something I am typically comfortable with. I will never forget that experience, and I have dedicated a portion of my life ever since to attempting to help and support people who have gone through or are going through a pre-term birth. Guys want to have the answers, and when you realize that every aspect of a situation is beyond your control, it can be unsettling.

In general, how do you think dads are perceived? Why? I think the answer to this question is based on whom you know. We can talk about dads on TV or the idiots that do stupid stuff to their kids that make the news, but ultimately I believe that most people are smart enough to know that represents the minority. Most of the dads I know are loving, supportive and fun. Great guys who put their personal lives on the line to provide for their families. I think dads today rock.

How has the experience as dad helped you discover something new about yourself? When I had my daughter I had to reset all my gauges. Meaning that it was important for me to redefine my limits. My wife and I lived a fairly extravagant lifestyle before my daughter was born, and it was clear that some things would need to be scaled back a bit when we had a child. Example? Bedtime. 3:30 AM before daughter, 10:30 PM after daughter. I’m more patient and understanding when I’ve slept. Owning up to these limitations and not trying to push the envelope has made me realize that I am capable of having a good time without constantly partying.

Who do you go to for advice about fatherhood? Why, I visit Discovering Dad, of course! Also my wife. She’s a great source of strength for me. I act like a know-it-all most of the time, but when I am unsure of something that I am doing as a father, or concerned about a particular parenting issue may affect my daughter, I go to her. Oh, and my mom for craft ideas.

Do you hang out with many other dads? If not, why? If so, what do you do together? Not as often as I’d like…we just never seem to be able to connect, schedule-wise. Plus, a round of golf takes me about four hours, and nobody I know has that amount of time any more. But once in a while, when I get together with my buddies almost all of us just like to sit outside, drink beers and listen to music while the kids play. It’s the best.

Tell a little about your website. My wife and I decided to start Red Sparks when Frankie was born. There just wasn’t that much available clothing-wise for pre-term babies. We figured with my marketing background and her experience in retail and fashion, we’d make a great team. And she has put together an absolutely amazing collection. Its not just preemies. We go all the way up to 2T and there are books, stuffed animals, bath and body and gifts too.

The Playpen is our blog which we co-author. It started as a preemie blog, but has kind of grown into a little more. The main objective of The Playpen is to give insight into who we are. I’ll never forget sitting in the NICU library late at night alone, worrying about my daughter. We’re hoping that someone else in the same situation will come across us and at least feel a bit better after reading.

Anything else you’d like to share? Yes. I like making up quotes and, after a recent experience at work, came up with this one:

“There is no feeling in life more melancholy than knowing that, at this very instant, you are creating regret.” -Matt Pfingsten

Next week’s Spotlight on Dads will take us on the Express! Come back and learn more about another involved Dad.

Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series published each Saturday on Discovering Dad. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section. Your feedback and recommendations will help to shape this series. Thanks!

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