Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series from Discovering Dad that features involved fathers from around the world. The objective of the series is to inspire fathers to connect and learn from one another, while also deconstructing the stereotype of fathers as ’second’ parents.

This week’s spotlight shines on Phil from A Family Runs Through It.  Phil is one of those dads that I really respect – humble, genuine, down to earth and sincere.  He’s got some great insights on being a dad, and I’m proud to have him as part of this series.

Tell a little about yourself. I’m a stay-at-home dad to two kids, ages 7 and 10. I also homeschool them, which means I have virtually no free time to myself. But that’s okay. When my wife and I first decided to have children, I knew there would be sacrifices. I just didn’t realize there would be so many!

What about your family background? My wife and I have been married 18 years. We’re happy to have had 8 years together as a couple before children entered the picture. That time, and those memories, helped us to become more content as the busy family we are today.

I’m a product of divorce. My father walked away from us when I was a young boy most in need of a male role model. I remember, even back then, promising myself that I would stay devoted to my children when I was a dad, no matter what. When my son was born, and I held him in my arms for the first time, I realized just how easy it was going to be to give him my unconditional love. And it made me seriously wonder, for the first time, why my own dad couldn’t give me his. I guess I owe my dad some credit for turning me into the attentive father I am today. It’s his bad example that drives me to be just the opposite.

What do you like most about being a dad? Teaching my kids. Even if we weren’t homeschoolers, I’d still have fun with that. Watching them discover new things about the world is a pure joy. On the flip side, it saddens me greatly to see them figure out that the world isn’t always such a nice place. But overall, I enjoy guiding them toward the positives. I want them to be optimistic and hopeful about their future.

What do you find most challenging about being a dad? I’m still trying to figure out all the little quirks my kids have. Sometimes their behavior is the complete opposite of what I predict. Like when introducing new foods, or talking to them about serious current events. I have to learn to just go in with no preconceptions.

What’s your most memorable experience(s) so far as a dad? Most memorable is a tough one, since we spend so much time together, but I’d have to say that one of them was the first day of homeschooling with my son, when he started third grade. He really surprised me by taking to it immediately, ready and eager to learn. I was so happy to see him re-ignite his passion for learning.

In general, how do you think dads are perceived? Why? Just in my own view, when I meet or hear about a father who focuses more on career than family, I’m actually quite shocked. My thought is, “Hey, haven’t you heard that the times have changed? You don’t have to be at the office ten hours a day and at the golf course on Saturday. It’s okay to care about raising your children.”

I believe it is now the expectation of society for a dad, even the working ones, to do housework, take kids to the park, attend teacher conferences, shop for groceries, and all the other things that used to be labeled as “woman’s work.”

How has the experience as dad helped you discover something new about yourself? Yes. That I like kids. Before, I couldn’t care less and, in fact, was a bit frightened of them. Now I understand how important it is to be a role model to children, to show them how to be a responsible, caring, sensible grown-up.

Who do you go to for advice about fatherhood? My dad. Ha, just kidding. No, I actually go straight to the dad bloggers. In nearly five years of writing my own blog, I’ve developed an amazing circle of fellow fathers who are constantly teaching me new things through their posts and comments. That circle keeps getting bigger and bigger as I discover new dad blogs (like Discovering Dad) that have tips and tricks on how to be a better parent.

Do you hang out with many other dads? If not, why? If so, what do you do together? Nope. The working dads in my area have consistently rejected me over the years, and I’ve grown used to that. Interestingly, I’ve found that the more “manly” a dad’s job (such as construction worker or fireman), the more readily he will dismiss me for being a stay-at-home dad.

As for my fellow at-home dads, I don’t know where all the other local ones are. Sometimes I think I’m the only one in the entire state of Idaho. If I did hang out with other dads, we’d probably go to a college football game down the road in Moscow, or maybe just get a sandwich at Schlotzsky’s. Yeah, I’m boring.

Tell a little about your website. A Family Runs Through It is my blog about my life as a homeschooling stay-at-home dad in North Idaho. I started it back in 2004 to simply publicize information about family events in this area. It very quickly changed into a more personal blog about my own journey through parenthood. It also serves as a creative outlet. But what I like about it the most is that I am part of a conversation going on all over the world, between dads in every corner of the globe. It’s a small world, and I love it.

Anything else you’d like to share? You already know that being a parent is the toughest job in the world. It doesn’t matter if the mom or the dad is at home. We’re all just trying to do what’s best for our children. Next time you hear someone tear down a father who stays home with his kids, tell them not to be so clueless. There is no better way for a father to provide for his family than to step into the role of stay-at-home dad. Believe me, there are times I’d love to be sitting in an office somewhere, sipping on a latte, and having grown-up conversations about the economy. But I’m at home with the kids because it’s the best situation for the family, both in terms of finances and schedule. It may not be the best-paying job in the world, but I consider myself blessed because the rewards are better than any paycheck.

Come back and learn more about another involved Dad next Saturday. Make sure you don’t miss it – Subscribe to get free updates.

Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series published each Saturday on Discovering Dad. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section. Your feedback and recommendations will help to shape this series. Thanks!

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