This is a guest post by Tom from Being Michael’s Daddy. (*note: all photos are free stock photos used as illustrative representatives only)

With kids, every age has its own challenges. From toddlers, these challenges usually involve sticky messes, bruise-inducing accidents, unpleasant body by-products and/or creative use of toothpaste.

My oldest daughter provided me with those sorts of joys when she was little. But having grown to that delightful stage known as teenager-hood, the challenges I now face as her father are not always as innocent or humorous.

It was late in 2006 that we began seeing some odd behavior. My daughter, then in middle school, began to complain of aches and pains at strategic times, usually in transit to school. Her grades began to slip, and we would receive repeated reports from her teachers about missed assignments. On several occasions when arriving at our home, my wife and I would notice fake bruises on her side and arms, which she claimed were nothing more than an attempt to practice her makeup blending skills. My wife washed one off to be certain they were not covering up real bruises.

Then my younger daughter reported seeing her older sister running into the bathroom several times a night to retrieve band-aids.

I confronted her about this behavior, and I could see the evidence for myself.

My daughter was cutting herself.

When I asked her to explain it, she of course said it was no big deal, and that she wasn’t serious. She said several of her friends were involved in this at the middle school.

I didn’t know what to do. My initial reaction was to accept her dismissal, and deny any seriousness of the matter in hopes that her own good sense would eventually help her see a better way to express herself.

It was my wife who brought me back to reality, giving me a virtual smack upside the head. She reminded me what we were dealing with, who I am and what my responsibility is to my daughter.

Within my own mind, I fought a struggle I did not wish to fight. I had to face memories and thoughts I dislike intensely. My mind focused on what happened to my older brother. I didn’t know what to do then, either. None of us did. But after several very conspicuous attempts, he finally succeeded in taking his own life. I have never stopped wondering whether we could have stopped him, if only we’d done something. Anything.

This was my daughter. I had to do something.

On Monday, my first action was to talk to her mom, my ex-wife. Her response surprised me.

“She’s just being a goofy kid. She’ll get past it,” she said.

I was not so optimistic. If she was doing all these things, there’s no telling what she will do, and no guarantee that she’ll suddenly wise up and quit. I told her I believed we should get in touch with the school counselor and find a proper course of action.

“She doesn’t need more embarrassment,” she said. “That school counselor is bad news,” she said. “He doesn’t help, and has pissed me off several times,” she said.

That was enough for me. I knew what I was doing was right.

I called the school counselor myself, and put him on the alert. I named names of her friends. I wanted this whole secret exposed.

His advice was to have her see her doctor immediately, which I did, and set up an emergency appointment. I called my daughter at her mom’s house and let her know I’d be by to pick her up as soon as I could.

My ex-wife was there when I came by. She was determined to stop me. She flat-out refused to let our daughter go with me. I told her I was going to take her to the doctor no matter what she said.

I don’t have a history of standing up to my ex-wife, and she knew it. Her methods and beliefs are usually diametrically opposed to mine, and she has a far stronger will than I do. She believed she could intimidate me into backing down, as she does nearly every time we disagree.

Not this time.

So she stood there and railed every accusation she could against me and my plan. “You’re putting her through needless embarrassment! You don’t know what it’s like for a girl her age! She’s trying to cope with problems that stem from your lack of caring!” It was like facing a category five hurricane of rage, and I felt every gust of wind, every impact of verbal shrapnel. Finally she came to the most damaging emotional weapon she could imagine: “You will fail her just like you failed your brother if you put her through this, and I’m not going to let that happen to my daughter.”

Through the storm, I stood, resolute and unemotional. When it was over, I spoke.

“It is because we didn’t respond that my brother went through with what he did to himself. I’ve gone that route before. I’m not going that way again. She’s going to the doctor now, and you know you cannot stop her.”

Angry and resentful, she relented and instead came along with us.

The doctor examined my daughter and talked to her privately. In the waiting room, my ex-wife continued a muted diatribe at me, trying to get me to come around to her way of thinking, and showing me the “error” of mine. In my mind, I considered her words and summarily dismissed them.

Eventually the doctor talked to us, said she had not injured herself seriously, but needed follow-up care and more investigation into the root of the problem. He referred us to some counseling resources and sent us on our way. I called the school counselor right away and let him know what we had done.

When I talked to the school counselor the next day, he said he’d met with her and worked out a “no cutting” contract, and said she sounded much more positive.

To this day, she hasn’t cut herself again.

It’s been nearly two years now, and my daughter is alive and thriving.

We will never know what might have come about had I not taken action, had I not withstood my ex-wife’s fury, and had my wife not forced me to face a very ugly reality. But I still have my daughter, and I believe she knows that her father hears her and cares enough to do whatever is necessary. That’s all that matters.

———————-

Publishers Note: Cutting is a serious problem, especially among teenage girls.  If you or someone you know has a child who is cutting, please consult a doctor immediately.  You may also want to take a look at some of these resources:

Discovery Health – Teens and Cutting
Kids Health – Teens – Cutting
Teen Breaks – Cutting

If you know of any other valuable resources, please share them in the comments.

If you have any advice or experience with this important issue, please it so others can learn more about the impact of cutting on a person or a family.

Popularity: 9% [?]

If you're new here, you may want to Subscribe to my RSS Feed. Thanks for visiting!

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.