Three Kids in the Summertime – Dealing with Sleep Deprivation

July 10th, 2008 • Related • Filed Under

I am blessed to have three wonderful children. Each of my kids have a unique set of gifts and challenges, and it makes life interesting trying to juggle the many competing priorities associated with caring for them.

My oldest, Chani, is 14-years-old. She likes to stay up late and sleep in until noon. I remember those days. I stayed up creating Dungeons & Dragons adventures or playing Atari, whereas Chani likes to Instant Message, chat with friends and play XBox. At times, I worry about her use of the Internet, especially with those exposes on all the perverts using MySpace. I’ve set rules for Chani’s use of the computer, and I trust her not talk to people she doesn’t know. This is an issue, though, that I think causes all parents of teenagers to lose a little sleep over.

I’m very proud of Chani, as she is a great student and good helper with her younger siblings. She loves to play with Ty and chase him around the house, and I can already tell that she will be a great source of advice and inspiration to Caitlin. Chani does have a boyfriend though, and that is definitely something that keeps me awake at night. It’s hard not to feel protective of “daddy’s angel.”

My son, Ty, recently turned 2-years-old. He is a little tank. Unfortunately, lately, he has become a little destructo tank. I don’t think a minute goes by where he doesn’t bang, hit, pull, break or slam something. Don’t get me wrong, he is still an incredibly happy and loving boy, and he does not have a problem telling us what he wants or needs. He just likes to play rough with his toys and people. My wife Lori says that this is because of me (I wrestle and play rough with him often). Today, Ty took a header down four steps, and yesterday he ran head first into a door frame. All of his current antics are enough to drive any parent crazy, and yes, it does make it harder for me to sleep at night worrying about him falling out of the big boy bed AGAIN!

On top of his usual rambunctiousness, Ty has an ear infection. He doesn’t have a fever; however, we noticed that his balance seemed slightly off (he kept running into things) and there was green slime in his ear three days in a row. So, any parents out there remember the last time your child had an ear infection? Did you get much sleep? I didn’t think so – me either!

My youngest, Caitlin, just turned 7-weeks-old. She was born almost six weeks early, and then she spent four weeks in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit fighting off a severe infection. As I wrote about during the process, it was extremely stressful, and Lori and I did not get much sleep during those four weeks.

Now that Caitlin is home, we’ve been trying to work out a schedule that works for her and us. The problem with schedules is that you need to be able to reinforce activities consistently. It’s a little hard to do when you’ve had different family members visiting the house all of the time and wanting to hold the baby, but hey, family is worth it, right!?! In addition, I’ve had to defer a lot of my workload to the late night/early morning hours in order to get caught up.

Basically, our grand master plan has become: Jeremy stays up late with the kids and puts them down, while Lori gets up early with the kids and feeds them. How’s the plan working? Great, except that I haven’t been to bed before 4:00 a.m. in weeks (and I always get up by 10:00 a.m. to do shower time with Ty). This is not a sustainable plan, and we both know it. When Lori’s maternity leave end, then I will need to get up and go to bed much earlier.

So, I’ve averaged five hours of sleep per night, and it is starting to catch-up with me. For example, earlier today I was writing a Twitter message and I fell asleep around the 100th character. It also takes twice as long as normal to write a blog post with only one eye open.

What have I done to overcome this constant state of feeling sleep deprived?

Not much. I don’t have a bunch of wonderful tips to share with you on this one. In fact, I suck at getting enough sleep – always have. I am a classic over-achiever, and I don’t like to go to bed until every single thing on my ‘to-do’ list is done. I like to systematically work through all of the things that need to be accomplished each day, so that my brain will actually shut down when I do go to sleep.

I have been taking more vitamins and trying to eat healthy; however, I’ve had a hard time putting stuff down at night and going to bed. Then, I don’t like to sleep in too late in the mornings because the younger kids are happiest during that time.

Sleep deprivation is a common challenge to overcome for many new parents (and some old ones like me). It’s definitely not a healthy habit or situation to prolong, and I’m certain that it cuts down on my effectiveness throughout the day.

What are some tactics you recommend for overcoming this challenge of getting enough sleep? Or, is it simply something that comes with the territory of having three kids 14 years apart? Please share your thoughts.

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There Are 28 Responses So Far. »

Comment by David "Father of Five" on 10 July 2008:

Great Post Jeremy..

Great looking family too!!

As far as the sleep deprivation goes… Welcome to my world. I have five kids (ages 20 – 4) and a work schedule that is ruthless. I average 5 hours a night as well… Some nights – 2 hours of sleep.

It gets rough, and will take it’s toll on you.

As far as advise – I wish I had some. Caffeine seems to be my only solution – but be careful with that… I can get easy to overdue.

Believe it or not – after a couple of years – you hardly notice it anymore – and 5 hours a night seems good.

David “Father of Five”s latest discovery was..Being "Bean Boozled"
Comment by Lori B on 10 July 2008:

My tactic? “Honey, I’m going to bed. See you in the morning.” (* big smootch*)
We do need to get better at this sleeping stuff… I am sure it will happen – about the time the kids go to college.

I love you!

Lori Bs latest discovery was..Family excursion…
Comment by Charlie on PA Tpk on 10 July 2008:

Sunday through Thursday I get about 5 hours per night; on the weekends I get another 90 minutes to 2 hours. I have been doing this for over 12 years now, and rarely notice it any longer.

On the days I feel run down, I’ll grab a 20 min snooze in my car, sometimes during lunch, or on really bad days, I’ll pull off the road and nap.

Charlie on PA Tpks latest discovery was..President Bush wins. Again.
Comment by Dad of Divas on 10 July 2008:

Sleep, what’s that… Since Diva-PJ was born, our sleep schedule has been in a bit of a whirl… getting maybe 5 hours per night if we are lucky. J-Mom usually gets up at night to feed her, so I am lucky about that.

I hate to say that I don’t have a lot of suggestions here, but I do empathize with you bud, and as you know, it will get better…it’s just not easy to be going through it as you start to get a bit irritable with everyone and it is hard to focus when you don’t have the sleep you need…

Good luck!
Comment by VegasDad on 10 July 2008:

We’re very fortunate to not be sleep deprived. Z-Dub started sleeping through the night at about three weeks old and has ever since. I’m sure that’ll change with the next kid. He’ll probably be the opposite and keep us up. I don’t know how I’ll deal with it.

VegasDads latest discovery was..the fetus: a boy, or a girl?
Comment by Jeremy on 10 July 2008:

Good to know I’m not the only one deprived here;-) I can’t imagine what it would be like with 5 kids – big props there man. Charlie – I remember pulling off the road to sleep a few times too, when I used to have to drive 2 hours to be at work by 7:00 a.m. Driving makes being tired so much worse. Chris – I try really hard not to get irritable, but sometimes it gets the best of me too. Jason – dude, thanks for rubbing it in! Now, you just jinxed yourself!
Comment by Robyn on 10 July 2008:

I feel your pain on this one, and sure wish I could offer a solution.

Our three kids are very close in age so when they were really young, of course there were the ear infections (2 of them ended up needing tubes, twice each!) and other maladies that kept us up.

As they grew older there were activities and homework in the evenings, and my choice was to spend their waking time with them, and use time after they went to sleep for me. I’m a night owl by nature, it’s really when I feel most creative.

Then came the teen years and somehow was never able to sleep until ‘all my ducks were in the nest’ and safely home. At first, I’d have to wait till they were all in bed, and as time went into their late high school years, I’d settle for them simply all being home. I’ve set a poor example of healthy sleep habits for them – they have even more night time stamina than I do.

Now they are all in college and don’t all ‘report’ to me in the evening when they are away at school, (ouch) so theoretically, now it’s my time to sleep and I don’t have kids as an excuse anymore. And yet I still neglect this part of my health. I’m rarely in bed before 1 or 2 in the morning, and am up by 6 or 7 at the latest. I get tired during the day and use caffeine to wake me back up – bad, bad habit. I’ll also allow myself the occassional 20 minute nap when it’s needed. More and more studies are revealing the importance of sleep to one’s overall health, and while I don’t believe everyone needs 8 hours, certainly I need to train myself to get more. “Get more sleep” has been on my New Years Resolution list for as long as I can remember.

Good luck!
Comment by Nicole on 10 July 2008:

Wow! Sleep-deprived and not one typo! You are gooood!

When my now almost 3 year old was a baby, I don’t think I slept much his first year of life. We had many many sleep problems. He was 10x better by 4 months, but still needed to eat at night for a looong time. Now almost 3 years later, he is great but now I have a 5-month old eating twice a night (hoping that changes very soon). I’m a self-employed software engineer by day and also an entrepreneur at night, I go to bed way too late only to nurse the 5m old an hour later and again in the early morning hours. My problem? I don’t just drift right back to sleep like hubby next to me. He can fall asleep in seconds flat! I just don’t get it! LOL

I am an overachiever, like Jeremy, so I just don’t let a little crust in my eye slow me down. I still work 35-ish hours a week by day, 3 hours by night, mom in between, wife somewhere in there, and just deal! :p

I guess you just do what you gotta do! I don’t think any tips would change my Type-A personality. I *could* go to bed by 9pm every night, but how would I get the stuff done that I want to get done?
Comment by Zoeyjane on 10 July 2008:

My daughter has always been a terrible sleeper. Between unpredictable naps to multiple wak ups during the night AND night terrors, I’ve averaged about 4 hours a night for the last two and a half hours. What’s helped me most? One, I learned to breastfeed lying down – that cut down on a lot of being awake in a chair, nodding off in the dark with an infant at 3am moments. I also learned to give myself permission to just turn on a movie and prop myself up for a cat nap when I really need it. Sometimes, the extra 45 minutes or hour really has gone a long way.

Zoeyjanes latest discovery was..Issues. I have them.
Comment by Charlie on PA Tpk on 10 July 2008:

Jeremey: I can relate to your former commute. For the last 12 years I’ve had a 2 hour drive to/from work.

Charlie on PA Tpks latest discovery was..I’ll drink to that!
Comment by Matt on 10 July 2008:

Doesn’t seem like anyone gets enough sleep these days, does it? For me, there are a couple of tricks that work…but you have to focus on them and take them seriously. I’m over-analytical to a fault, so thats why this system works for me. First, start thinking of sleep as one of the things on your to do list. Its really important to your health and well-being. Sleep deprivation can have serious side effects and even be dangerous, so look at it as something you need to do for the good of yourself and those around you. Second, separate the things that you have no control over and those that you do, and write the latter on a list (no control example: baby waking up. control example: doing the dishes).
Third, take a look at the control list….its probably longer than you thought it would be…then isolate five tasks to do today, most important at the top. Finally, when you are about halfway through the list, cross the last one off. Just don’t do it. The next day, after you’ve rested, re-evaluate when your fresh and decide if the crossed off item needs to go on todays list. And repeat.

I’ve found that usually this helps me prioritize and, more importantly, let things go. Everyone you love knows you’re a neat freak…I’m guessing they wouldn’t mind if some things slipped once in a while…you’ll get back into the groove when things settle down at some point.

This got way too long…my bad.

Matts latest discovery was..No, We’re Not Mad At You.
Comment by Jeremy on 10 July 2008:

If anyone hasn’t seen it yet, Nicole has a great free eBook about helping your child with sleep problems. Check it out here http://www.picknicksbrain.com/discovering-dad/
Comment by Jeremy on 10 July 2008:

Robyn – I am a night owl too. I do my best work at night, albeit it is better with BOTH eyes open instead of just one. I can deal with limited sleep, but I can feel things catching up with me lately.

Nicole – have you ever read Now, Discover Your Strengths? and taken the StrengthsFinder test? If not, I definitely think you would like it. It tells you the top 5 signature themes of who you are, and one of mine is called Achiever. I cannot go to bed without earning enough ‘activity points’ so to speak for the day. My problem is that I don’t give myself enough credit for the things I do with the kids or around the house, and I put too much emphasis on accomplishing things work-related.

Zoeyjane – if only I could breast feed laying down I haven’t gotten to the point of allowing myself to nap…voluntarily…but I have dosed off on many occasions involuntarily!

Charlie – I feel for ya man. I don’t miss commuting at all.

Matt – great suggestions and thanks for sharing them. I am very analytical too. My second signature theme is actually called ‘Analytical’ (see above note to Nicole), but even though some things make sense to me mentally it is harder for me to implement them when it conflicts with the Achiever tendencies.

Great comments everyone – keep ‘em coming!
Comment by Kevin (ReturnToManliness) on 10 July 2008:

Could be worse…you could be living in Las Vegas and have those pesky scorpions keeping you up all night.

When the wife and I got stung by one, we didn’t sleep for about a week!!!
Comment by Elliott - 21st Century Dad on 10 July 2008:

@Jeremy – yes. great discussion indeed. Looks like you hit a hot button topic!

Hmmm… what to add.

If you smoke, quit. Many people have reported a significant daily energy boost from kicking that nasty habit.

If you must rely on caffeine, spread it out over a longer period of time. 1 caffeinated beverage spread out over an hour is more effective than throwing ‘em down like Fox used to do on the Man Show with those beers.

Elliott – 21st Century Dads latest discovery was..10 Ways To Enjoy Cooking At Home More
Comment by StaceyC on 10 July 2008:

I really made an effort to switch from a night person to a morning person, especially coming from the nightclub business in my younger days. I realized that there really was a lot of useless stuff I was doing at night, and that by cutting that out, I wasn’t missing much, and getting to be earlier. My issue is compounded with sleep apnea. I have been trying to get used to using a CPAP, but it’s been hard. The nights I do manage to keep it on most of the night, I notice a difference. When I hit REM sleep, I was experiencing a huge loss of Oxygen to the brain and I stopped breathing up to 43 times an hour. This meant I was not getting REM sleep at all. Getting tired while driving is dangerous, and I was almost falling asleep at the wheel…no matter what I tried to do. I have also learned to limit my caffeine intake to mornings, no coffee or tea after lunch. It’s not always about the quantity of sleep, but also the quality of the sleep…with caffeine late, even if you do get to sleep, your sleep is less than ideal.

Recent studies have linked sleep deprivation to weight gain, lack of concentration, depression, increase risk of diabetes and more. One study interrupted sleep for a guy who slept normally, and, after just 4 nights, his body started storing fat, he had trouble concentrating and his markers for diabetes risk shot through the roof. This alone tells me all I need to know…I value my sleep much more now.
Comment by Winning Startups on 10 July 2008:

Just don’t get sick! I know the sleep deprivation feeling. We’ve tried to move our two daughters into the same area of the house and it hasn’t worked too well so far – the last four nights have been a three ring circus in our place!

Winning Startupss latest discovery was..Happy Independence Month! Contest to celebrate all month!
Comment by tom on 10 July 2008:

Sleep deprived is a normal state with us. To wit, Michael got up yesterday morning at 2:40 and practically broke our door down to tell us about a scary bug in his room. I had to dispense with it, and we didn’t actually get back to sleep until about 4:30, only 45 minutes before the alarm was going to go off.

I would say sleep is a dream I have, but since I rarely get enough sleep, I don’t get much chance for dreaming. All I can say is, caffeine is a wonderful thing.

toms latest discovery was..Wordless Wednesday — an important lesson
Comment by Nicole on 10 July 2008:

@Jeremy Thank you for mentioning my e-Book. LOL on the BF’ing laying down comment. I’ll definitely have to check out Discover Your Strengths and the StrengthsFinder test. I love anything analytical.

@StaceyC My dad also has sleep apnea and I, too, have done some of that research about the problems chronic sleep deprivation has on many of us. Did you know that they once thought sleep problems were a symptom of depression, but now they believe it precedes it? So, if you begin to have substantial sleep problems, The American Academy of Sleep Medicine strongly recommends that you urgently go see a sleep specialist. And, each year 17 million people suffer from depression and as many as 1 in 33 children may have depression. I recently learned that and was really surprised how many children are being diagnosed. You can read more here, if you’re interested: http://picknicksbrain.com/sleep-problems-and-depression-even-in-children/

@Zoeyjane I nursed laying down too but that only lasted 2 months, for me. I just couldn’t go back to sleep right away and never figured out how to switch sides without actually switching sides. :p Is your daughter sleeping better now, at least?! I hope so. A lot of people think their kids will outgrow the issues, but they don’t always.

Nicoles latest discovery was..Sleep Quick Tip – Sleep Training, the (Parenting) Method
Comment by Jeremy on 10 July 2008:

Wow! Lots of great information here. Thanks everyone. I definitely do not want to get to a point where this leads to more serious problems, but I can see how it could easily do so. At which point, I may see scorpions whether they are really there or not
Comment by Chuck on 10 July 2008:

I have to agree with most others here. I’ve 4 kids now with a fifth on the way. They range from 17 to 2 and it started when I was 19 years old. I don’t consider it sleep deprivation anymore. It’s just normal.
Comment by Jeremy on 11 July 2008:

And it’s not going to go away anytime soon for you Chuck! Congratulations on the new baby on the way man!
Comment by Greg on 11 July 2008:

When I entered high school, I realized how good sleep was back in junior high. Then when I entered college, I realized how good sleep was back when I was in high school. Now that I have a son, I can’t even remember what good sleep is!

Honestly, I don’t know how you guys with multiple children do it! We just had our first child and already I’m about to pull my hair out over the extreme lack of sleep I’m getting. Like most other people here have said, I get only a few hours a sleep in per night. Jayden is still at the stage where he wakes up multiple times throughout the night, and although I’m not the one doing the nursing, it takes me over an hour to get back to sleep once I’m woken up by his cries. “Mommy” on the other hand can fall back asleep at the drop of a hat. Whatever her secret is, I want in on it!

Our plan is somewhat like yours, Jeremy. “Mommy” takes the day shift with Jayden while I’m at work. Then I’ll come home and take over until he goes to sleep. After he falls asleep is when I try to get things accomplished online (I can’t believe I still use that word), which can last into the wee hours of the morning.

By the way, wow Caitlin’s already 7 weeks? Time is just flying by!

Gregs latest discovery was..The Sleepy Wrap Is Essential!
Comment by Ed (zoesdad) on 11 July 2008:

I think the only thing I may be able to add is that we sometimes have a brief afternoon “downtime”. My kids won’t nap but there are some days that I need one. So I gather everyone into the living room and announce–Downtime. You don’t have to sleep but you need to sit still and quiet for about 20-30 minutes. (sometimes I’ll even turn on the tv–it helps keep them still) It is amazing what just 20 minutes can do to recharge tired bones!
Comment by Lori B on 11 July 2008:

Hey Greg,
I know Mommy’s “secret” =
exhaustion!
Tee hee!

Lori Bs latest discovery was..The demise of our TV
Comment by Jeremy on 11 July 2008:

Greg – I feel ya man. It’s fun though.
Ed – Awesome suggestion – thanks for sharing!
Comment by Trooper Thorn on 14 July 2008:

I took my youngest 2 kids (12 & 14) camping this weekend. While the folks at surrounding campsites were kind enough to share their music with us late into the night, it was no big deal since the kids can stay up late and talk with their Old Man.

However, I can sleep on the ground for 5 hours, get up, get the fire going and start making breakfast. The kids crawl out once everything is ready and give me grief about how they hardly slept at all last night. Then they proceed to be grumpy and fight with each other all that day.

Therefore, sleep deprivation is harder on the young.
Comment by Jeremy on 14 July 2008:

Teenagers are tough to deal with when they don’t get enough sleep. My oldest is 14 too – I can relate.