Time Bandits – Who is Stealing Your Family Time?
This article written by Contributing Writer Chris Lewis.
Anyone remember the old 1980’s movie Time Bandits where a number of minuscule men would travel through time to steal things and sometimes fix things as well? This movie lately popped into my brain and made me start thinking about the amount of time we have for our families.
I live my life knowing that I am on borrowed time. This first really came to my attention when I was in high school and a fellow classmate of mine committed suicide. I along with most of my classmates that knew him could not understand. Earlier in my life, sure, I had gone to funerals of relatives, but it was not until a friend died, that I came to understand that a life can be over in an instant.
From that point forward I started to try and use my time to the fullest. Now, am I always successful at this? Not even close. Actually, a little while back I even wrote about the fact that I wished I could, as Jim Croce stated “put time in a bottle.” I know that this will never occur, at least not in my lifetime, and with everyday that I see my daughters learning new things, I realize that time is slipping away.
Each day I find myself being pulled away from my wife and daughters for reasons that may be work related, and sometimes not. I sometimes make bad decisions and decide to do something for myself, instead of for my family. I struggle with this fact daily and find it challenging to find the balance of who I am as a person, and who I am as a father, husband, employee, son, etc, etc, etc.
Even blogging takes time away from things. Granted, as I write this, I could be sleeping, but when inspiration hits, sometimes you have to sacrifice and just write. Maybe this is why I see people at all hours of the night still connected to the electronic superhighway. Jeremy, aka Discovering Dad himself, stated to me once, in response to the question of why he was still up at 12:30 a.m. his time, “It’s the only time I have my hands free and can actually get some work accomplished.”
As I stated, managing time is a balancing act, or maybe instead I should be thinking of it as a high wire act with no net beneath. I do have to say though that when my daughters call for me, I do answer and get away form the computer, the work, and just become Dad of Divas again.
So my questions today:
• What (or who) steals away your time?
• What do you do to safeguard your time with your family?
Chris Lewis is a Contributing Writer for Discovering Dad. His personal site is Dad of Divas. You can also follow Chris on Twitter @dadofdivas.
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Comment by UrbanVox on 6 August 2008:
wow! I would LOVE to know and to get rid of the culprit!
Time goes on SOOOO fast lately…
I hate not having time for my son when he is siting right next to me!!
Comment by Dad of Divas on 6 August 2008:
I know what you mean… sometimes it is my own fault…spending time on things I shouldn’t when the kids are awake, but other times, life seems to simply intervene… and the next thing I know my children are a day older and I have lost even more time… geez!
Dad of Divass latest discovery was..Wordless Wednesday #13 – (4/365) – A Mother’s Love
Comment by amy on 6 August 2008:
the computer, other friends, the writing life…I try and schedule time for the things I must do and then i will burn the midnight oil and rise much earlier than I like…I try and place the family first and it gets annoying to pals who would love to chit chat and such- but I save Sunday for all my personal calls ( well- I try)
It is so hard and this is an excellent thought provoking post!
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Comment by Charlie on PA Tpk on 6 August 2008:
The predominate culprit is my job; have to do what I have to do to ensure a SAHM for the two boys.
Charlie on PA Tpks latest discovery was..Pilobolus
Comment by Dad of Divas on 6 August 2008:
@Charlie – I understand that as I too feel this way and feel that I am at times being pulled in 20 directions as I am trying to both be breadwinner as well as everything else!
Dad of Divass latest discovery was..Contributing Writer and Guest Posts
Comment by CK Lunchbox on 6 August 2008:
Great post on a universal issue. Couple things came to mind as I read it. There definitely is more out there to distract us these days – multiple sports channels, advanced video games, cool gadgets, etc. With all the demands made of me sometimes it’s easy for me to fall into the trap of justifying escapism from the word around me. Having Adult ADD doesn’t help either.
This is something no one can ever master, but I think the key is the self-awareness you’ve demonstrated in writing this post. Remembering I’m not perfect keeps me from overly beating myself up on the matter, while recognizing I am being distracted reminds me to get back on track. When I look at my wife and kids and all I can see is my Twitter background, then I know the balance in my priorities has shifted out of whack.
CK Lunchboxs latest discovery was..Crucified At The Playground
Comment by Jeremy on 6 August 2008:
I have a lot of things competing for my time, but I try to organize things as strategically as I can. Priorities and circumstances dictate that I put my family first, as I am currently the one who takes care of the kids and works from home. I have a lot of meetings at night. I get most tasks done during nap times and “after hours” when everyone else is sleeping. During the day I might get 5 minutes here and there, and I try to make the most of them. At the end of the day, the thing I tend to sacrifice in order to “do” all of the things I’d like to do is sleep. Balance is a hard thing to find when you have lots of priorities and things that you’d like to accomplish in a short time. Great post Chris!
Comment by Charlie on PA Tpk on 6 August 2008:
@Dads o’ Divas said: I too feel this way and feel that I am at times being pulled in 20 directions as I am trying to both be breadwinner as well as everything else!
For me, it’s what I do to be ‘everything else’; I am Scout leader for my oldest son (and soon for his 6 year old brother), and I also study karate along side him as well. I may leave the house before 05:00 but I am nearly always home in time for all evening events.
Pretty much the only thing I lose is sleep, and after this long, it’s no great loss!
Comment by Pete Aldin on 6 August 2008:
Great post! Visceral and thought-provoking.
A couple of things helped me (when I worked a 6-day-a-week plus nights job) carve out time for the kids and still work today when I work much less hours and from home:
1. Make appointments with your kids and with your wife. Might sound stupid but if it’s in my calendar, I do it. So I would put aside a block of 2 hours each Saturday and take one of my sons out somewhere; I’d book a family night per week; afternoons with my wife; an early finish from work to pick up the boys from school and go to McDonalds or just go home and do homework together. What this did was give me the confidence to say “No” when someone tried to slot something else into that timeslot: “Hey Boss you want me to go to a seminar Saturday morning? I already have an appointment booked.” etc.
2. These days I just plain say NO to people who want me to come do something when I want that time for my family. I am not ashamed to say, “Sorry, man, that’s family time, no can do.” I also believe in ignoring the phone when I’m reading to my kids, having dinner with the family or doing homework with them. It drives my wife crazy (she has to answer a ringing phone) but I’m good with it.
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Comment by DaddysToolbox on 6 August 2008:
i wait until the house is asleep and then i venture to my basement office for catching up with blog reading, surfing, mental relaxation and blog article writing (in that order). Sometimes I skip a night and go to bed by 11pm. That is usually after 3 or 4 1am nights!!
Comment by Dad of Divas on 7 August 2008:
@Pete, great ideas! I love the concept of scheduling time for your kids (no matter how crazy that sounds). I agree with you…if something is on my calendar, I do put it ahead of other things, so scheduling time with my family sounds like a good idea and I will definitely plan on trying this out as my girls get older!
@Daddys Toolbox – 1AM nights…can;t function on that little sleep anymore…guess I’m getting a bit too old for that… I do wish at times though that I had a time turner (notice the harry posster reference for all you fans!), so that I could get everything done and not miss out on other things!
Comment by Dobeman on 7 August 2008:
I’m concerned about this statement, “I sometimes make bad decisions and decide to do something for myself, instead of for my family.”
I’ve always said that just because I got married and had kids, it didn’t change the core me. And the core “me” has to have some “me” time in order to stay balanced.
For me at least, I’m a better dad when I DO take time off from the family rather than not.