This Father’s Day, I felt it important to try and capture some of the key things I’ve learned as a father over the past 16 years. The theme of Discovering Dad is ‘learning what it means to be a good dad,’ so what’s the point of learning if I don’t share?

In no particular order, here’s my Top 10 Discoveries About Being a Good Dad:

Enjoy the silence. Kids are fun, but they’re also noisy. Babies cry. Toddlers ask questions. And, nowadays, school age kids not only talk your ear off, but also send you multiple text messages a day. In order to keep my sanity, I have to find time to sit in silence each day. I think the car is a good place for this, whether I’m driving somewhere or not.

Rules of the game. Every game I’ve ever played has rules – why should parenting be any different? My kids know that there are rules in our house, even if some are enforced differently by me and my wife Lori. I have a simple policy: follow the rules, and you get more freedom; break the rules, and you can count on being held accountable.

Talk loud and be direct. Teddy Roosevelt used to like to quote an African proverb, “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” If that worked with his kids, then he is a better man than me. I have to talk loud to get my kids attention. And, once I’ve got it, I try to get directly to the point, before I lose them again.

Wrestling solves all problems. I wrestle with both my son and oldest daughter. Nine times out of ten, if they’re upset about something, a good, old-fashioned wrestling match does the trick to get them and me in a good mood. There’s something about roughhousing that has a positive effect on both me and the kids.

Sleep is a luxury. I can’t remember the last time I felt completely rested. Our two youngest kids definitely keep me up more than I’d like; however, similar to the ‘enjoy the silence’ response, I tend to stay up late at night to get some peace and quiet while also getting some focused work done. The net result is a constant state of sleep deprivation. How do I deal with this? Well….I don’t really; I just work until I’m done, and then I go to bed.

If you’re not losing your hair, then you’re not doing it right. My dad lost his hair when he was only 21-years-old – he is an awesome dad who definitely does things right. It’s taken me a little longer, as I’m now 36-years-old and my hair just started thinning about two years ago. Baldness is a badge of fatherhood!

The look. Every good dad knows the importance of ‘the look.’ With the right look, I can stop my kids in their tracks, or let them know how proud I am of them. There are many different variations of ‘the look,’ and they all have unique meanings. The important thing is that there are ways you can communicate things to your child without having to say a word, which is very helpful in public places.

It’s not like buying a used car. Ever been to a used car lot? The perception when driving up is that everything is negotiable. As a parent, there are very few times I feel inclined to negotiate with my kids. My teenage daughter gets input on decisions, which I value greatly; however, her mother and I are the ultimate decision makers. Our younger kids may want something other than what they have, but they know once a decision has been made that it is closed for discussion.

Get over yourself. Ego goes out the door once you become a parent. All of the sudden, life is not just about you anymore – there is another person who relies on you for advice, guidance and survival. All that time you used to spend doing things to feel better about yourself is now (mostly) invested in your kids or family.

Wear a cup. Parenting is hard; and, every so often, you get a wild pitch that beams you right in the jewels. After this happens 5 or 10 times, you start to catch on and begin thinking about taking precautionary measures. Wearing a mental cup is just as handy as wearing the genuine article.

While these are my Top 10 Discoveries About Being a Good Dad, it is certainly not an all-inclusive list. In fact, I feel like I learn something new every day, and I often wonder how I managed through my previous state of ignorance.

Share the most important things you’ve learned about being a good dad (or mom) in the comments. There’s no reason why we can’t learn more from each other!

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