What Dads Really Think About Quality Time
This article is Part 5 of 5 (Series Finale) for the series What Dads Really Think - Moms Want to Know.
Mishelle from Secret Agent Mama. wants to know what dads really think about Quality Time.
Mishelle shares why she and other Moms want to know:
Growing up, my Dad worked a lot–heck, he still works a lot–so we didn’t have a lot of time. I honestly don’t remember any time, other than Graduation, that he actually came to a recital, a choral presentation, or the like. If it didn’t take place at our church, and if he wasn’t off, he just didn’t make it. I do, however, remember doing things together and I have happy memories from my childhood and adolescence, but it’s still rather clouded. Clouded by the fact that he worked so darn much.
As a mother now, I realize how important a father’s time truly is. My husband does his very best to spend quality time with the kids, but I often think and ask, Is it enough? Will the kids look back and question their memories as a result of their father’s work schedule? What else can he do to ensure that the time spent with the kids is–in fact–quality time?
Then our quality time, as a couple, is in question. I know that our bond is strong, but I want to be confident that we spend enough solid time together that will enable us to remain as strong, many years down the line. Michael’s work schedule factors in, yet again, and I often worry that time is not being spent in togetherness enough. Is there more that we can do to ensure that the time we spend together is qualitative, because it sure isn’t quantitative at this point?
That’s why this question weighs heavily on my mind. I want to make sure that we all look back and say that time was well spent. I know that Michael is working hard to provide for our family, and I love and respect him for it. I just want to make sure that, regardless of work schedules and what not, our family ultimately stands the test of time, and that it is awesome–every last minute of it!
Here’s what the Dads think about Quality Time:
Jim from The Busy Dad Blog. Of all the attributes that I possess as a family man, I admittedly suck at one thing above all others: quality couple time. The hardest thing about adjusting to family life is finding balance. Between working, being a good father, taking care of myself as an individual, and being a good husband, it gets awful difficult to keep all those plates spinning.
My kid is my everything. I would sacrifice anything to make sure that he has all he needs in order to grow up happy, healthy and well-adjusted. He needs me. There’s no way he can do this on his own. In order to do this to the best of my ability, I need to feel fulfilled as an individual, so “me time” isn’t that hard to commit to either (luckily, my “me time” doesn’t involve much more than my blog and related activities, along with some sort of enjoyable beverage. I don’t golf or watch sports). My work? Well that goes without saying. I could never feed my kid the $0.25 frozen burritos that I used to subsist on.
My wife is an adult, and technically can fend for herself. See, that’s where I suck. That is not true. Emotionally she needs me. She needs to feel like we’re more than just a tag team assigned by the government to raise this kid. But that is how I come across sometimes. When we go out, we talk about Fury. When we don’t talk about Fury, we are engrossed in a movie. I’m gonna turn the tables on you today, dear reader. I’m asking you: how can I detach myself from my role as “Fury’s dad” and better play my role as “Lisa’s hubby”?
Because that there, folks, would complete my journey.
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Joe from Joeprah.com. Quality time with the family? All I do is spend QT with the family. I seldom have any personal time where I am alone with my thoughts. When I am blogging it is usually during a naptime, meal or extreme hours of the night. I am surrounded by my kids all day and my wife every night. We do everything together as a family and although my wife and I don’t go out as couple as much as we would like, we still try to get out around once a month.
After our first daughter was born, we took swing dancing lessons, and then Lindy hop. We went out at least twice a week as a couple and I think that is where I would like to be again someday, but it just isn’t as easy when you have three children. We love our time away together and subscribe to the theory that if our relationship as husband and wife isn’t strong, then it trickles down onto the rest of our family.
We try to plan at least one significant vacation as a family a year and many other weekend getaways. We live on the east coast, so we take regular trips to different beaches. We are blessed with a family member that has a beach house where we spend many weekends relaxing. If we have nothing planned on a weekend we like to spend time at local parks, or hanging out with our close friends and family. So it goes without saying, it is understood we spend basically all our time together.
We have, however started a tradition with our kids that we like to spend one-on-one time with each of them doing something together we both would enjoy. We call this special day, “Special Day.” For instance, my wife might take #2 to the movies and to lunch, and I might take her fishing, to a snowball stand and to the driving range. The idea is to make sure that each of our girls know that they are special to both of us, no matter how busy we may get as a family sometimes. Our focus has, and always will be, our family.
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Ed from Zoe’s Dad. My situation may be a bit different than most guys in that I, as a stay at some dad, am with my kids all of the time. Seriously, all of the time. My wife is an Emergency Room Physician and has no set shift from week to week. She works very long hours and very hard. So when it comes to my kids, I can proudly say I have both quality and quantity time.
Quality time with my wife, on the other hand, is sadly, infrequent. Rare would be a more apt term. Our crazy schedule with kids and her work tends to put our desire for alone time farther down the priority list than we both would like. We just can’t seem to find the time. Oh, we’ve tried but to no avail. I honestly can not recall the last time she and I went out on a proper date. I know! It is horrible. Unfortunately that is the reality of my situation. We often joke that is the reason we have stayed married. Because we never spend time alone we appreciate the opportunities and make the most of them.
I’m not sure if asking the questions is supposed to draw us to a conclusion and ultimately serve as catalyst for change or to just give us guys a sounding board for explaining why we act like, well guys. I somehow feel, though, that this issue may be one of the more significant in the overall undertones and hidden intentions. Before kids and promotions and mortgages, before parent school organization meetings and soccer practices, before ballet recitals and piano lessons…there was she and I. And I made time to spend with her because I wanted to be with her. I wanted to get to know her. She intrigued me. And you know what? She still does. She is funny, smart, playful and exciting, and I need to rediscover that.
She just mentioned to me last night that her boss wants the schedule requests for the upcoming month. I’m going to tell her she needs to schedule off a random Tuesday or Thursday. Any day, for that matter so that we can go catch a movie—-alone!
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Chuck from D is for Dad. My first marriage ended in divorce. My oldest kids, now 13 and 17, have spent most of their life seeing me every other weekend. This reality has made me see family time in a wholly different way than a lot of families. The bottom line is I don’t want to miss a thing, ever again. If I could get one thing through to parents it would be to treat your kids and your spouse like you won’t see them everyday. Spend more time coloring with kids or talking with your spouse. Your home-life will change for the better. Guaranteed.
If I’m not at work, I’m with my family. Period. If you were to ask my wife she may not always see this as a good thing. More times than I care to mention, she has asked me to take my computer and head down to the coffee shop for awhile, just to get me out of the house. I’ve yet to take her up on the offer (I know, crazy), instead I take the cue and poke around in the garage or something.
What I need to work on is making time for my wife and I to be alone. I tend to count on her for scheduling this whole thing and that just isn’t fair, and it probably doesn’t make her feel much like I appreciate our time together, or the effort she puts into it, now that I think about it. Yes, this is definitely something I need to work on. Thankfully, we do get out to dinner, and maybe a movie, once a month or so. It doesn’t sound like much, but my goodness, the break is phenomenal!
For me family is everything. There is no place I’d rather be, ever.
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Jeremy from Discovering Dad. I first got married when I was 20-years-old. Five years later I was divorced. During that time, work was my life, and it sucked the life out of me. Seriously, I let work and school dominate my time (I worked during the day and went to school at night for 3 years). And then, when I finished school, I got one of the worst possible jobs a young, married man could ever get - managing a record label and recording studio. Now, not only was I working all of the time, but my work was everyone else’s play. I was babysitting wannabe rock stars, instead of spending time with my own kid. I tell you all of this because I had to learn the hard way the importance of putting family first.
After that experience, I vowed to do things differently. I promised myself that I would learn from past mistakes and never make them again. I would be a completely different man…
My wife Lori and I just celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary this past May. No one thought we would make it this long, let alone have a wonderful, loving marriage and two amazing kids together. We did, after all, get engaged after 2 months of dating and married 4 months later. It was…impulsive, but we both knew it was right.
One of the things we decided from the beginning of our marriage was that we wanted to spend time together before we had kids. Lori also needed to build a relationship with my daughter Chani, and even though she was amazing from the start, it took time for her to get used to this new role. So, having been through what I had in the past, you would think we (I) put quality time as a couple, and quality time with Chani, at the top of our list, right? For Chani, yes - I’m proud to say that we have always maintained a consistent, reliable visitation schedule with her and made sure that she feels 100% a part of our family. For me and Lori, not so much. In fact, the first few years we were married, our jobs kept us apart (travelling) more than we were together. It’s a wonder that the relationship didn’t fall apart.
We made a decision to get our careers on track, so that we could build the kind of life and home we wanted for each other and our kids, before we decided to become parents. Along the way, we did get to spend quality time together. We went on vacations by ourselves, using the bazillion rewards points we racked up travelling for work; and, even though it took a little longer than most, we got to know each other as individuals, lovers and friends.
When we decided to have kids, we both agreed our family would come first. This meant making some major changes, including me leaving a very successful career and, ultimately, working from home and taking care of the kids. Fast forward three years and two kids later, and I’m proud to report that Chani, Ty and Caitlin all get lots of quality time with both me and Lori. When it comes to quality time as a couple, well, we’ve struggled with that one, and at times, it feels like we parent and work in shifts - the problem is how to make the third shift about us when we’re both exhausted. We haven’t found a solution yet, but we are actively working on spending more quality time together as a couple. Unfortunately, though, it always seems like:
Quality time is always a challenge because the quantity of time available is never enough.
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Alright Moms, Dads, wives, husbands, women and men, readers in general - it’s time for you to speak. What are your thoughts about quality time with your spouse and family? What did you learn from perspectives the panel shared? What are the things that you do in your relationship? Don’t be shy or humble - please share your communication tips and insights!
Share your thoughts about this topic in the comments. Feel free to relate your comments back to the panel’s insights, or ask a question of them - they don’t have any problem telling the truth as they see it! You can also reply to comments made by others and get a real conversation going around this important topic.
Thanks very much to 5 Moms who came up with such great questions for this series, and also the 5 Dads who were honest, sincere and thoughtful in their answers. I’m so proud to be part of this series, and the dialogue it has generated is encouraging. People need to talk about these types of things more in order to learn and grow as a parent or spouse. Thanks again to everyone for participating, reading and commenting. I hope to bring you something equally engaging soon!
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Comment by BusyDad on 4 July 2008:
Jeremy, this was a great project and I had a blast doing it. I learned a lot too. About my peers as well as myself. Turns out we’re a lot more different than I thought. But of course there’s one thing we share, and that’s a 110% dedication to being the best dads we can be. That is damn inspirational!
BusyDads latest discovery was..Rollin’ on tha Eastside… the Far Eastside
Comment by Dad of Divas on 4 July 2008:
I have to agree with BusyDad…this was a great week with great insights, I have enjoyed them all.
Regarding quality time…I struggle with this as I am in a profession (College Administration) that can suck your time and life out of you. Now I know that I knew what I was getting myself into when I went into this profession, but now with having my two Divas as well as my wife, I find it difficult to have the quality time that I want with them and setting aside work. I sometimes even get sucked into checking email and the like from home (which I know I shoudln’t do), and am told by J-Mom all the time that I am a bit of a work-aholic.
When I am home I do try and carve out time with the girls, but getting home between 5 & 5:30 and our eldest going to bed by between 7:30 & 8 - I tell you there isn’t much time (with dinner thrown in) for me to do anything of substance…especially with how slow Diva-J eats!
So where do I find my time for the girls…usually on the weekend, which is where I also have to find time for the housework that has been put aside during the week…. thus the crux… do we work to live or live to work… I hope it is the former…but sometimes I feel it is the latter.
I, like Jeremy had the opportunity to spend time with J-Mom prior to us having kids. We were married 10 years ago and waited abour five and a half years before we had ou first child…so we did get to know each other and got to build a freindship and relationship. Unfortunately since we have had kids we have not had a lot of time to call our own, let alone time to go out as just a couple. It is a rare occurrence that we get to go out for a bite to eat or a movie (what’s that???). Our quality time since Diva-PJ was born has consisted (except for our 10 year anniversary last week Friday) of watching videos on the couch while holding a little one…cuddling…not really possible.
So as you might guess, this is an area I need to work on…and need to find more time to set aside and let work go when I am home…I am open to ideas - so if there is a magic cure for this work-aholic tendency…please tell me and I will try it out.
Look forward to reading other’s thoughts on this one!
Happy 4th of July!!!
Comment by Momo Fali on 4 July 2008:
Great question! My husband works incredibly long hours (thanks a lot commission!) and we don’t see him much. But, he makes sure that when we’re together, we’re doing fun stuff. He is constantly coming up with great ideas…things we can do as a family, and I just love it. I told him recently that the sexiest thing he does is coach our daughter’s softball team. I know it means so much to her, and I love seeing him spend that time with his kid.
Comment by Lin on 4 July 2008:
Wow Jeremy, this one actually made me get teary-eyed. I rarely ever saw my father, as he was a traveling salesman all those years ago, and the times he was around were spent hidden away in his home office doing paperwork and calling customers. He was also authoritarian through and through.
The only complete day that we were with him was when we were dragged off to church on Sundays, then Monday he was gone again. Fun times for the family, going swimming etc were without dear ol dad. Needless to say, my dad and I are not very close.
I applaud these fathers who realize that being a husband or dad means making time, scheduling time, not about finding time. One or both parents of course have to work to provide for their families, but all of that won’t mean anything to their children when they grow up and realize dad was never around.
The responsibility of being a husband includes spending quality time with their wife. Time spent together where talk about the kids are off-limits, but rather focusing on the romance of the marriage and continuing to court each other as if children were not part of their relationship. If the fire and romance goes out of the marriage, where all of the attention and focus is placed solely on the kids, what often happens is the kids grow up and move on in their own lives and the couples are left wondering whatever happened to “us”.
Comment by Ed (zoesdad) on 4 July 2008:
This has been a great week. Thanks, Jeremy for asking me to participate in such an incredible panel with such a great group of guys. And the women posing the questions were hard hitting, no holds barred, to the point but soft and gentle like a mom should be. It was really nice to participate in a forum where differences and similarities could be shared without fear of reprisal.
Unfortunately, I’ve got to bail on the remainder of the discussion as I’m packing my family (wife included) for a weekend camping trip. My wife has eight days off in a row and we’ve got no plans past the weekend. Quality time–wish us luck!
Comment by Chuck on 4 July 2008:
Now that I see and understand the complete question let me add a bit more from my perspective.
My day job keeps me away from home from 7AM - 6PM Monday through Friday. With 10 years on the job and a staff reporting to me I rarely if ever travel anymore. This certainly wasn’t always the case; however, today this means evenings and weekends are always with my family.
What I have learned is it is crucially important that the dad be part of the daily routine whenever he can, and that he not turn into the guy that just shows up when there’s something fun to do. I kiss my youngest kids goodnight every evening and I’m there when they wake every morning. Routine? Yes. Immensely enjoyable and satisfying? Yes.
It’s also important to know that for ten years before my youngest were born I played the role of divorced dad to my oldest kids and saw them every other weekend. These weekends were jam packed with fun and activity when they were younger (it was the only time we had together) and today they roll right into the family routine and our weekends are spent just being together.
What I learned from this (after several years) was the time I spent with my kids on those every other weekend visits was greater in quality than many dads who saw there kids every day. Once this realization hit it just blew me away. The understanding that so many dads take their families for granted just saddens me.
Today my wife and I see each other very little. She works most weekend evenings, third shift, so she can be home with the kids during the week. She also works at least one weekday most weeks. This makes it tough. We agreed on this schedule because it was/is the best thing for our family right now. In five years things will be different. Today we just try to maximize our time together. Most often this means turning everything off and just talking cause its too late and we’re too tired to do much else. Talking is good. It is where our relationship started and seems fitting it is where we would come back to.
Chucks latest discovery was..Those things that shape you
Comment by Matt on 4 July 2008:
Agreed. Another awesome series. Thanks for putting it together, Jeremy.
Quality time is a tough one these days because of the pressures the modern workplace puts on men and women to perform. The 40 hour week is virtually non-existent and, dare I say, even frowned upon by most executive management. 50 hours is the minimum, and many of us don’t get away with that.
When my daughter was first born, I tended to be way too over-analytical in how I dealt with her. I was used to being presented with a problem, analyzing the possible solutions and choosing the best one. I remember calling our IT support guy at home right after his new baby was born. He sounded really flustered and I asked him if it was a bad time to which he responded, “Yeah, kind of. I’m trying to troubleshoot this damn baby!”
Once I figured out that it doesn’t work like that, I applied my new approach to quality time with her. Basically, you have to MAKE quality time when the opportunity presents itself. As long as you are available to your children when they need you, you’re doing OK in my book. I may not be home as much as I’d like to be, but the key is tuning out the work day when its done and focusing on family. If she happens to want to play with Play-dough at some random hour in the evening, I try to make sure that I am willing to do it, and put 100% of my focus into her.
I think that will pay off for her (and me) in the long run.
Thanks for all your great answers, dudes! Happy Fourth of July!
Matts latest discovery was..No, We’re Not Mad At You.
Comment by Nicole on 4 July 2008:
What a great series! My husband and I were just talking about this and I was telling him I didn’t think either of us would be happy if the other was working late nights and hardly home. I certainly did not marry him to be a “single parent” if I were home most of the time on my own!
I love how involved my husband is with the kids and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I, myself, have battled with the whole “corporate Nicole” vs. “Mom Nicole”. I’ve thought about becoming a CEO of a major corporation, but never even came close to pursuing that because it would mean I’d miss too many soccer games, cub scout meetings, basketball games or whatever. I didn’t want a husband to miss those things, either, so I married a teacher.
I might have to steal Joe’s “special day” concept. What a great idea!!
Nicoles latest discovery was..8 Month Old Schedule
Comment by pete on 4 July 2008:
I can honestly say that I’ve been to nearly every event my kids have been involved in, be it a school play or a birthday party. There is no question that they will remember me as an active parent in their lives.
As for the wife, it’s apparently a common theme. Work and the kids take up all of the “us” time. Personally, this is something that is almost impossible to overcome, but we both understand that there’s more to our relationship than the now. Outside of the kids, there’s a future that we’re both working toward and the moments we do have together are often spent discussing the security of this future.
Don’t get me wrong, we pay close attention to the present, but we also realize that if we constantly burden ourselves with trying to quantify our commitment to each other in terms of time spent together, then ultimately that commitment erodes. Save that brain space for something more productive. Yes, our own time together is limited, but you’d be amazed at what a simple, unexpected, “I love you,” does to reinforce a relationship. When you’re both on the same page, small things like this keep that bond strong, in spite of anything else that might be going on.
petes latest discovery was..Wordless Wednesday 25: Revealed!
Comment by cory huff on 4 July 2008:
I was working as a professional actor for a little while. Talk about a career that tends towards relationship doom. Working 10 - 12 hours a day or more, traveling constantly. The thing that really opened my eyes that this wasn’t the career for me was when I was in a show with about 25 actors, ages 20 - 70 (roughly), and I realized that only 3 of us were married, and 8 were divorced!
Since then, I would say that my relationship with my wife has improved dramatically. I found a job that I enjoy but which still allows me to spend time with her, and we’re both better off for it.
Do I miss acting? Absolutely. I do it occasionally, on a semi-professional basis, but it’s not my life anymore. Do I regret the decision to go this direction? Not at all.
cory huffs latest discovery was..How Marriage Changed my Social Life
Comment by Jeremy on 4 July 2008:
Thanks everyone - I’ve really enjoyed hosting this series, and it makes me extremely proud that so many people have been willing to share their thoughts and stories with sincerity and a willingness to keep an open mind.
I really like what Lin said about not losing sight of your relationship as a married couple once you become parents. As she said, the kids will grow up and then what will you do? In extreme cases, you may be living with a stranger. “Making” time to nourish the marriage is very important whether you are parents or not, and this is something I need to make a stronger commitment to doing.
Like Chuck said, I never get the feeling from my oldest daughter that I don’t spend quality time with her. Yes, because she lives halfway across the country from us now, her time here is filled with fun activities. Yes, I miss being able to see all of the daily routines with her; however, we make the most of what we’ve got. As for my younger kids, I am there for them every step of the way, and I am so thankful for this.
It’s common for people to take for granted the things right in front of them, like their wife and kids. Too often, they don’t realize what they’ve got until they lose it. I don’t know how to solve this problem, but I do tell my friends who bitch and moan about stupid shit that they should spend more time being thankful for the blessings living right in their home and less complaining about the crap they don’t have (it really pisses me off when this happens).
Anyway, thanks again everyone for engaging in this important conversation! I’ve looked forward to new comments several times each day this week!
Comment by Joe on 4 July 2008:
Nicole,
Feel free to use that idea. I think it is a great way to stay connected with our kids and I highly recommend other parents to do something similar. Word. Glad you liked the idea.
Joe
Comment by Charlie on PA Tpk on 4 July 2008:
“Quality time with the family” is time that isn’t spent doing what-can’t-be-postponed or earning a living.
I put up with leaving the house before 5AM for a 2 hour drive to the office, so that I can be home 5:30-6:00PM. In exchange, my much-better-half gets to be a SAHM and oversees their cyber-school education.
Getting home by 6PM allows time for Boy Scouting or studying Taekwondo with my 12 year old. In the fall of ‘09, his now 5 year old brother will start Cub Scouts, which will pretty much sap whatever time I had for my work-outs. But that’s my price and I am more than willing to pay it.
Evenings are spent catching up quickly on e-mail (both personal and a look ahead to work’s for tomorrow), and in whatever spare time I have I read blogs and comment. For me, providing the ability for my wife to create a stable home-life is worth the long commutes and always being on the run.
I can’t worry, today, about what my kids MIGHT say about me when they’re grown; if I am providing for the family and spending whatever time I can with them, that’s what is important. My father worked 6 days a week most of his life, and I hold him in great esteem for his accomplishments. If my kids hold me in even half as much respect, I won’t mind at all.
Alone time with my much-better-half, as in date-nights? Well, there are moments, but the reality is there’s just so-much-time in any week or month; maybe that’s 18 years of marriage talking, but we’re generally doing things as a family of 4 more often than not.
Charlie on PA Tpks latest discovery was..America’s Birthday
Comment by Robyn on 4 July 2008:
This was sort of a tough topic for me, because I know we ‘broke the rules’ about what is recommended to married couples for a long and happy marriage.
We got married very young, both moving directly from our parents homes right into marriage, and had our first child as a honeymoon surprise, and then had two more kids shortly after, with all three being ’surprises’. We had not had time to establish regular ‘couple’ time, so really, up until recently, we did not have a sense of what we were missing. The bulk of our ‘quality’ time was dedicated to the kids, and to our family as a whole unit. I dont know for sure how we made it thru this far after almost 25 years of marriage, but we did. I remember many weary glances over the years, across the rooms full of kids and bills and crazy schedules, where we were both happy, tired, aware we needed some alone time, but just smiled with a “We’ll be ok, we’ll meet on the front porch rocking chairs in a few years, right now this is worth it!” I’m really happy to say the rocking chairs are many years in the future still, and we are young enough now to have continued energy for one another at this point.
The quality time we invested in our children/family over the years was purposeful and fun for all of us. We made sure to have individual date-time with each child on a regular basis as well as whole family time. We still do to this day, and the kids still look forward to it. That isnt to say it was without problems. We only did “OK” on the couple time. It was almost non-existent when they were really little. Then, as the kids grew a little older, our ‘couple time’ progressed to where it meant we got to be in the same house/room at the same time while the kids were at activities or friends houses. Looking at it now, I can honestly say that the times I felt most lacking in ‘couple time’ was when I was comparing our relationship to other uber-couples who seemed to have it all, or when I was reading an article from an expert who seemed to be pointing out that our marriage was headed toward doom if we didnt do X or Y. (Somehow I get caught up in buying in to that from time to time, even though I know everyones situation is different. My husband attributes it to PMS.)
This was a great series, and I’ve really enjoyed reading everyones responses and experiences. It’s encouraging to me to see so many people want to be the best parents and spouses that they can be.
You guys are a great group of dads and moms =)
Comment by Chuck on 4 July 2008:
@Robyn - Rules? There are rules?! Now you tell me.
My sincere congratulations to you both for nearly 25 years! I can relate to the “suffering by comparison” issue. It’s easy to get caught up in that every now and again. Thankfully my wife is pretty good at smacking me across the head when I begin digging into that rut.
Thanks for your contribution to the series as well!
Chucks latest discovery was..Those things that shape you
Comment by Jeremy on 4 July 2008:
Charlie - I feel the same way about my dad. He worked all of the time, crazy hours, six days a week - the entire time I was growing up. He did make time for me when he was home, but it was hard for him. Looking back now, I respect and appreciate him immensely. I don’t think the role of dad/provider needs to change, as long as it works for a family and it is what they agree needs to happen. I’m encouraged that no matter what type of situation dads are in, it seems like there is a trend to use whatever time they do have available to spend with their wife and kids rather than the golf course, bar or strip club.
Robyn - thank you very much for sharing your thoughts this week. I really like your perspective on things, and your stories always encourage me. I think many readers contributing here have small kids, and like you said, it’s hard to have couple time when the kids are small. They NEED so much for us as parents, whereas when they grow older they start to become more independent and that gives us more time for other things. Thanks again!
Chuck - fortunately, I don’t fall into that “rut,” but I know plenty of people who do. Grass is always greener on the other side? Right….sorry to say, it’s not greener, it’s only different. You seem to have a good handle on your strengths though and don’t focus on things that drag you down. Others get locked in on this and won’t let it go until they act on it. I’ve seen this unleash a storm of problems on people, and several cases lead to divorce or separation. Sound like your wife has her head grounded in reality too
Comment by Secret Agent Mama on 4 July 2008:
This was a great series, you guys! I really enjoyed everyone’s input, and I value and respect each of your for it.
Your families are lucky to have you all, moms and dads alike.
Secret Agent Mamas latest discovery was..What Dads Think
Comment by Phil on 5 July 2008:
As a stay-at-home dad, I’m in the same boat as Ed. I have way more than enough quality time with the kids, but not quite enough with my wife. We don’t go out on “dates” as there really isn’t anyone who can watch the kids. In fact, my kids have never been babysat.
My wife and I do try to make quality time at night after the kids are asleep. We’ll fix a snack, or even order a pizza, watch a movie, or work on some project.
I figure that in another ten years we’ll have all the quality time we need after the kids are grown.
Phils latest discovery was..Divers and Skeeters
Comment by Jeremy on 5 July 2008:
Thanks Phil. I agree that we can’t give back the time we have with the kids while their young, and we should enjoy it while they want to see us. It’s hard to find that balance when the kids are young.
Pingback by The Manliness Roundup: Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt Edition | Return To Manliness on 6 July 2008:
[...] What Dad’s Really Think About Quality Time. Discovering Dad has an excellent series on what Dad’s think to Mom’s questions. He uses some of his good friends to explore topics and have differing opinions. What I like the most is the fact that nobody has a canned answer… [...]
Comment by VegasDad on 7 July 2008:
This is a great topic. I think having both parents actively involved in a child’s life helps them become a well-rounded adult. I’m a totally devoted father/husband that thinks of family first.
Often my problem is that I don’t get enough “me” time.
Pingback by Daddy’s Toolbox Carnival #3 | Daddy`s Toolbox on 13 July 2008:
[...] Neal presents What Dads Really Think About Quality Time posted at Discovering [...]
Pingback by Carnival of Family Life | Colloquium on 14 July 2008:
[...] Neal presents What Dads Really Think About Quality Time posted at Discovering [...]
Pingback by Everything Family Issue 4 on 4 August 2008:
[...] Neal presents What Dads Really Think About Quality Time posted at Discovering [...]