What Dads Think About Honest Communication
This article is Part 1 of 5 for the series What Dads Really Think - Moms Want to Know.
Ohmommy wants to know what dads really think about “honest communication, ‘talking’ or inner dialogue between couples.”
She gives a good example here of why Moms want to know:
“My love, does my butt look big?” I asked my husband one afternoon while 8 months pregnant with our 3rd child. He slowly walked around my once tiny yet now incredibly bloated frame and very honestly replied, “Yes.” That simple honest yes, although probably very true, sent me into a fit of tears. In between my dramatic sobs I asked him, “Why, oh, why do you have to be so brutally honest?”
My husband, the love of my life, has always been brutally honest with me. He has no trouble bathing me with honest compliments on a daily basis. He tells me often how lucky he is, how much he loves me, how great I look in that new killer skirt. However, when I ask him a question, he delivers his answer honestly. Honesty is important. So is the subtle delivery of it - “I have always loved your butt, honey.”
Most women, I know, inherited a nurturing gene. This gene allows women to register questions, determine multiple scenarios, and decide on how to deliver the ‘best’ answer. Take for example, a conversation I might have with a close friend. “Does my butt look big in these jeans?” I would have to smile, evaluate, determine, and answer, “No. But why don’t you try on those Gap jeans.” In the end, I would bathe her with compliments steering her toward the right pair of jeans to minimize her huge butt. Most women nurture to avoid conflict.
Most men, like my husband, are honest and business like when it comes to talking and answering questions. I really do appreciate his honesty and have learned to embrace it when it comes to conversations about financial decisions, parenting troubles, and family conflicts. His honesty and business-like approach is important to our communication. I understand him. However, when I ask him whether or not my boobies are sagging, I would like him to say something, anything, other than, “Yes, honey.”
So Dads, why do you have to be so honest and business-like when talking with the love of your life?
Here’s what the Dads think about honest communication, talking or inner dialogue:
Jim from The Busy Dad Blog. You know when you watch a Snoop Dogg interview and every other word is youknowwhutimsayin? I’m kind of like that, youknowwhutimsayin? I’m a validation talker. If you don’t fully understand point A, I don’t expect you to understand point B, C or D. So I will hammer on point A, until it is effectively refuted, accepted or understood before I move on. This has served me wonderfully in the professional world, where I have done much of my communicating with computer programmers (you know, those if/then types). In relationships, I have found this to be a problem. This leads me to believe that the issue with couples is not so much the desire to communicate, but rather the way in which we prefer to communicate.
Men are often given a bad rap because we “don’t like to talk.” But eavesdrop on a group of guys downing pitchers at Hooters and tell me that. We talk. So much so that it looks like we’re trying to out-talk one another. Because we are. But we welcome that. It keeps our minds sharp; it keeps us logical. Each fact we throw out there, each point we make, each go-Google-it-then’s sole purpose is to get the other person to see point A, so we can move on to point B.
Did you just roll your eyes? Fine, I’m going to shut down now.
See how that works? Communication between a man and a woman can be a major stressor. Of course I am generalizing, but I’m going to say that most males enter discussions with a concrete objective and the intention to win (i.e. have their point or argument accepted), while women generally communicate to find common ground and understanding. Those two modes of communication often clash. I don’t know how many times my wife and I have stressed each other out when she tells me a story about some annoying person at work. I immediately start drawing a plan of attack to solve this problem, and she gets frustrated that I am going into Solution Man mode. And then we get into a fight over it because all she needed was a sympathetic ear.
So what’s the answer? I don’t know. Has anyone picked up the irony of this post yet? I’m not offering a solution here. Wow, I’m getting better at this husband thing.
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Joe from Joeprah.com. As a couple, I think you grow in respect to how you interact with each other. I have always liked to talk things out. This probably comes from my desire to live in a house where no one goes to bed angry. My awesome wife has been similar in disposition to me, however when we were first married (almost 12 years ago) we would fight a lot more, or should I say she would fight a lot more and “shut down” over the stupidest things—literally.
Out of desperation, or sheer brilliance, I created my own coping technique where I would pin my wife down and tickle her until she saw how ridiculous she was being. I actually found out several years into our marriage that there was an actual self-help/stress release technique that was called “Tickle Therapy.”
Since our “newlywed” stage as a couple, we have been active communicators. When we go out on “date night,” we always have something to talk about. We are best friends, and we share our hopes, dreams and inner most feelings with each other as a rule. So, I don’t think that you can over communicate as a couple, and I think all couples need to make sure that the lines of communication are open and remain that way.
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Ed from Zoe’s Dad. I’m not a talker - never have been. For some reason, my inner self stays just that - inner. I never considered this a big deal until I got married. Damn, girls like to talk. A LOT!! My wife is a great communicator, wonderful command of language, very well educated and quick thinking. Me? Not so much. I tend to absorb words and phrases in a conversation formulating answers. It’s a lengthy process, all internal, and by the time I have prepared a response, it’s too late. By then, the topic has changed at least three times, or my wife is so frustrated with my silence that she starts to respond for me.
“Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of a witness.” -Margaret Miller
It starts a vicious cycle wherein I become frustrated and start to clam up and tune out. Before long, her words become background noise and I am deaf to them. It has been the cause of many, many a heated (on her part) arguments. Oh, and as an aside - sometimes guys really do think about nothing. Absolutely nothing. Case in point. I recently spent over thirty hours alone in my car much of the time in complete silence, no radio, no iPod, nothing. The most significant bit of information I was able to ponder during the entire trip…..man, I really need to cut my toenails!
That being said, I consider my methods of communication to be a model. A model of exactly what not to do in a relationship. Honest communication is important! Communication should be mutual and respectful with both sides feeling their voice has been heard and considered. And it’s important to talk of the mundane, as well as the significant. So often when children and family issues enter a relationship, benign or meaningless conversation is lost, forgotten or overlooked, and personally, I think that is a shame.
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Chuck from D is for Dad. Communication is key in any relationship. Each side needs to understand that the other has an opinion and should be heard and consulted. When a marriage is young just about every decision should be discussed. As the months and years add up, partners are able to anticipate the other with a modicum of success. The important thing to remember is, if you pause (even for a moment), then you need to put on the brakes and pick up the phone.
The thing about talking with guys is that we really just need you to get to the point. If the drama or family history you are going to unleash has little to do with a question, then you can feel free to leave it out. The truth of the matter is I have the attention span of a very small child, so asking the questions that need answered sooner rather than later is always best.
If there has to be some long (more than five minutes) explanation leading up to the question, then tell me that up front. Something like, “Honey we need to talk about this party next weekend, and I want to make sure you remember what happened last time.” If I were to hear that it would tell me I need to pay attention for the duration, rather than checking out after the first question crosses your lips. I know it’s like preaching to the choir, but the kid reference is pretty spot on, at least where I am concerned.
If the conversation we are about to get into is heavy, then I think we (men) work best when the environment is less distracting. Make sure the TV is off and the kids are in bed. Sit down at the kitchen table, and let’s talk. We all like to be right, men and women. Unfortunately, men have a bigger problem with pride than the ladies, in my experience, and this can lead to us shutting down, especially if a conversation is moving in the direction of painting ourselves into the corner of our own idiocy. If this happens then just back off. We’ll come around eventually.
The only other thing that I know can make a guy shut down and stop listening, aside from his own idiocy, are exaggeration’s and generalizations. Don’t carry on about how “we talk about this all the time!” when, in reality, we’ve talked about it twice. That isn’t all the time, or “you never support me!” because you know that just isn’t true. Maybe you feel like you’re not being supported this time but NEVER, come on.
I think at the end of the day we are here to honestly discuss what needs discussing. It’s just important to remember that it is very likely we’d rather be doing something else. Remember Home Improvement and Tim the “Tool Man” Taylor? Yeah, a lot of us really are just like that.
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Jeremy from Discovering Dad. Men and women, in most cases, are programmed to communicate differently. In my experience, men are results-and-solutions oriented talkers, while women are process-and-understanding oriented talkers. Men want answers, while women want empathy. Men like short, focused conversations; while women like longer, exploratory conversations.
What does this mean when my wife Lori asks me a question? I give her an honest answer, but it’s hard for me not to throw in a potential solution or two. Lori likes solutions, but she would prefer if they came from her and not me (and, I’m the same way). She also seems to ask me a lot of rhetorical questions…you know…the trick questions; the stream of consciousness questions; the giving-direction-in-the-form-of-a-query questions; the validation questions; basically, questions that do not have a black or white answer, only shades of gray. It’s hard for me to know how to answer these types of questions in a positive way. Why? Because I’m not a process guy - I don’t enjoy all of the back stories and details needed to get to the answer; I like getting to the results, solutions or happy ending.
Not all communications we have though are in the form of Q&As. We talk about everything, and it’s rare that unilateral decisions are made without consulting the other person. The majority of our conversations are honest and respectful, although we both have strong opinions and big egos that sometimes get in the way. Even when we argue or disagree though, I know she loves me and I love her. We might not always say the right things to each other, but we do try to hash things out in a positive and loving manner.
One of the things I feel is important to keep in mind when communicating within a marriage (or committed relationship) is tone and courtesy. I am a very courteous person, always have been. I struggle with my tone though. I can have an air of superiority at times, moreso with people that I love than people I hate (which doesn’t make any sense when I really think about it). I’m working on it though. I think both partners should consider the power of their words, which can lift a person up or tear a person down. When I talk to my wife, I’d like to be someone who lifts her up with sincerity and honesty - “I really like your hair like that, honey. You look very beautiful today!” Or, “I really like the way you handled that situation with [our kid]. I’m going to have to remember that.”
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Alright Moms, Dads, wives, husbands, women and men, readers in general - it’s time for you to speak. What are your thoughts about honest communication, talking or inner dialogue? What did you learn from perspectives the panel shared? What are the things that you do in your relationship? Don’t be shy or humble - please share your communication tips and insights!
Share your thoughts about this topic in the comments. Feel free to relate your comments back to the panel’s insights, or ask a question of them - they don’t have any problem telling the truth as they see it! You can also reply to comments made by others and get a real conversation going around this important topic.
Part 2 of the series continues tomorrow with the panel sharing What Dads Think About Flirting!
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Comment by VegasDad on 30 June 2008:
Great post and a very important topic. I often feel the wrath of the wife for not communicating the way she wants me to. And I’m a professional communicator. Glad to see I’m not the only one.
VegasDads latest discovery was..au revior
Comment by Dad of Divas on 30 June 2008:
I agree with so many of the comments that the Dads are saying here. I find that in communicating there are both internal and external processessors and that many times women are the latter of the two while men are the former. But this is not always the case. In my household, I am the external processor and my wife is the internal processor…just like Zoe’s Dad mentions, this can sometimes lead to problems when issues need to be discussed… but we muddle through it and make it happen. My wife and I I think do a good job of communicating most of the time. Not that there are not times where I may feel like saying - that blouse just doesn’t look right… or other honest phrase, as we have a good relationship in this regard and do share openly the good, the bad and the ugly (that comes from 10 years of marriage I guess). The only other thing that I think I would add is that in having honest communication…I do believe as I am hearing many say that the important point here is that the communication happen no matter what, and no matter how. I am a firm believer to never go to bed angry…so to me, I would much rather work out the issue to start a new day fresh and on a positive note, and I think my wife and my relationship is stronger for this!
Comment by Kel on 30 June 2008:
Oh so true! I think communication techniques between men and women are very different. It used to be an area of difficulty between me and the hub, but we learned that if I let him know what I expect from the conversation (I need you to listen to me OR I need you to help me find a solution) then he knows how to respond as well as the fact that I get out of it what I need. Once again, it’s all about communication - honest. I’ve learned never ask a question unless I really want an answer!
~K
Kels latest discovery was..Monday Madness
Comment by HRH on 30 June 2008:
I really enjoyed this. I especially loved the Margaret Miller quote which I believe to be 100% true.
HRHs latest discovery was..Monday potluck: please lay down on this couch…
Comment by pete on 30 June 2008:
I am so lost when it comes to male/female communication. I get honesty from my wife, yet if I return the favor, you would think it was the apocolypse. I don’t get it. I’m not a big believer in saying something to make someone feel better when it isn’t true, because that leads to unrealistic expectations, buried resentment and damaging dependencies. But sometimes I’m guilty of not really saying anything, which can be just as damaging.
Good post and comments, I’m going to take a few bits from here and try some new approaches. I like the tickle therapy. It would totally catch my wife off-guard.
petes latest discovery was..Kid’s-Eye View: Photos from a Different Level
Comment by Chuck on 30 June 2008:
@Kel - It sounds like our families have traveled a similar path toward enlightenment.
This…
..but we learned that if I let him know what I expect from the conversation (I need you to listen to me OR I need you to help me find a solution) then he knows how to respond..
… is key for us.
Chucks latest discovery was..Those things that shape you
Comment by Jeremy on 30 June 2008:
I like how several people have mentioned that men do not like to go to bed angry. I should have added that to my response because I can’t sleep if Lori and I don’t have our problems resolved. Oftentimes, she just wants to get out of arguments and let things lie for a day…that drives me crazy. Men (at least me) have a hard time letting things go unresolved.
Comment by Secret Agent Mama on 30 June 2008:
Communication is key in our marriage. Personally speaking, when we lost communication, we almost lost each other.
I’d rather hear it straight, whatever “it” is. Now, I know my husband; he’s got a way with saying things that often times makes me seethe. But, in the end I am appreciative that he is honest (even if brutal, at times).
Such an important aspect of a successful relationship.
P.S. I hate when dads are portrayed as bumbling idiots on TV like one of the dads described. Hate, hate, hate it!
Comment by Jeremy on 30 June 2008:
I hate it too Mishi! I wish I knew what the right thing to say to my wife was all of the time, and I wish I also had perfect delivery. We would both be a lot happier if I could just be PERFECT!
Comment by Rafael on 30 June 2008:
I would like to throw in my two cents on a couple of points. First, when my fiancé and I have a conversation about any issue of substance, especially one that involves a change of behavior, I work from the point of view that this will be the first of many conversations to come. For me one conversation does not fix many things.
Second, I am a coward when it comes to confrontation or making my feelings known. My fiancé on the other hand is fearless like Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry! There is certainly a double standard when it comes to being “honest”, and I mean brutally honest. For me, the last thing I want to do is hurt her feelings so I struggle a great deal with how to say things because I know she can dish but she can’t deal very well. I guess it would be the equivalent of us playing slug bug, her hardest punch would just make me laugh. If I gave her my lightest tap the game would be over and she wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the day. I think “man honesty”, emotionally can be very much like that game of slug bug.
My rule of thumb is compassion, patience, empathy and understanding, all of which can be in short supply on any given day. Ultimately it doesn’t do her or me any good if I am not open and honest but I certainly need to think things through and package what I am about to deliver in a way that gets positive results and doesn’t leave her writhing in pain.
Comment by Joyce T. on 30 June 2008:
I’m one of Mishelle’s regular readers, and came to check out this conversation because she linked to it. All I can say is, Wow! I am floored by you guys’ honesty and insights. Really, this is one of the most thoughtful, upbeat posts I’ve read in a while.
My husband and I have learned how to communicate with one another. I really hurt our relationship at the beginning because I didn’t trust that he loved me and wanted what was best for me. That led to me misunderstanding him, and being too easily offended. But, we persevered and worked through it. Sounds like you all intend to do the same.
This week we celebrate our 26th wedding anniversary, nine children later.
And we’re happy together. If we had given up on trying to communicate, though, the story could be different.
Comment by Joe on 30 June 2008:
I think I have found that from reading the answers from the panel of guys and from the ladies responses in the comments that I may in fact be more of a women in the way I communicate. My wife…perhaps more of a guy…wtfudge? LOL I enjoyed reading everyone’s take on the subject and really like SAM’s comment. I hate the dance that many people do around the truth, just spit it out already. Get to the truth–it will set us free. Amen.
Comment by Ed (zoesdad) on 30 June 2008:
Couple of things I thought of as I read the other guys’ responses and readers comments.
The don’t go to bed angry issue… I used to be like that, let’s talk this out and set things straight. Now I realize that’s not going to work for our relationship. Eventually, we need sleep. Sometimes a little rest and separation from the issue helps us (at least me) realize how insignificant most disagreements are.
Secondly, on clamming up. Like I said, it takes me forever to formulate answers and comments in a discussion. Nothing will make me clam up tighter or shut me up quicker than to cut me off once I’ve started to make a comment. It’s a bit childish, I know, but I kind of interpret the interruption as not valuing my input.
It’s important to have a voice–on both sides of the issue–and that each voice has an opportunity to be heard.
Ed (zoesdad)s latest discovery was..Sunday Sonnets–A Refreshing Shower
Comment by Chuck on 30 June 2008:
I couldn’t agree more with Ed’s last comment. There have been many a night that I’ve gone to bed mad. The time and energy to reach resolution would have made the next day miserable. Waking the next day rarely found me feeling as rotten or cross as the night before which helped quite a bit when picking the topic back up.
Comment by Jeremy on 30 June 2008:
@Joyce - Welcome and thanks very much for commenting! Nine kids - you deserve a HUGE round of applause for being able to get a word in edge-wise in your house, let alone the opportunity to talk to your husband. We could all learn from you, I’m sure!
The more I think about it, Chuck and Ed make a lot of sense - I wish I wasn’t so stubborn about things at times, and could just let it go. I have a real short memory though, so if resolution is not achieved before bed I’m over it in a day or two (just that night, I can’t sleep well).
Comment by Lin Burress on 30 June 2008:
I’ve been so anxious for this new series and it’s definitely worth the wait!
I loved the fact that guys understand and readily admit to needing to know the bottom line FIRST and foremost, and then they can better follow along with the story-line women tend to give while communicating.
Women are story tellers, and as wonderful as it is during woman-to-woman conversations, it doesn’t work so well between men and women.
Of course, that being said, since guys want to know the bottom line first before being given any details, it works the other way around where men should provide their wives all the juicy details women hunger for.
Comment by Matt on 30 June 2008:
Glad to see the return of this series from a different perspective…very cool. All great answers, guys. I agree with almost all of it. Its important to leave ego at the door and work on actually accomplishing something, rather than arguing, even if that means admitting fault. That has been (and still is) a very difficult thing for me to overcome. I read somewhere that most arguments are about HOW the other person is arguing, not so much about WHY. And I also agree with the comments on the go to bed mad thing. Its a terrific concept, but sometimes things just go better after a full night’s sleep. Its like a cooling off period.
I have also elected NOT to attempt tickle therapy with my wife when she’s upset, Joeprah Here’s how that would go:
Coworker: Holy Cow, Matt! What happened to your face? Were you mugged or in a car accident or something?
Matt: Nah…just tickled my wife last night.
Matts latest discovery was..Teaching Your Child Corporate Politics
Comment by BusyDad on 30 June 2008:
Good to know I am not too off-center in my view of male/female communication! I used to be a total “not go to bed angry” type of person, but my wife is the opposite. To her, one night lets people cool down and takes the pressure of solving things for solving thing’s sake off (plus, we gotta go to work the next day). It took me a while to get used to that, but now that I am, I have to say that the “to be continued..” method of spousal combat is actually quite useful.
BusyDads latest discovery was..Rollin’ on tha Eastside… the Far Eastside
Comment by Jeremy on 30 June 2008:
Oh Lin, that is so true! When I have something to share with my wife, I share it…then, she says, “And then…and then…and then…” Anyone ever see Dude, Where’s My Car? Do you know what I’m talking about? Anyway, she loves for me to give her all of the juicy (or not so juicy) details. Here’s an example. Me: “I talked to my parents - they said to tell you hello.” Lori: “What else did they say?” Me: “They’re looking forward to seeing us next month, and things are good.” Lori: “What else? (And, then?” Me: “Not much - they had fun on the boat last weekend.” Lori: “That’s good. What else? (And, then?)” Me: “They took little Nate along with them.” Lori: “I bet he had fun. What else? (And, then?)” Me: “That’s it. (No, and then!)” Lori: “Huh……(And, then; and, then; and, then…)…”
It’s pretty funny when you think about it.
Comment by Jeremy on 30 June 2008:
Matt - I definitely agree that “How” people argue is probably more important to them than “what” is being argued over. Thanks for adding that!
Comment by Kim on 30 June 2008:
Jeremy.. thanks again for this awesome series.. and OhMommy has a great question.
Out of all the Dads I tend to lean towards Ed’s answer the most. I am not a talker when it comes to feelings. I internalize every emotion that is not a happy one. It has been something I still work on, because problems never solve themselves.
But the common theme here is that it takes work to have open communication.. well a healthy form of communicating. Awesome answers and comments..
Kims latest discovery was..DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!! BlogHer Winner Announcement!
Comment by Kate on 30 June 2008:
I like the idea of not going to bed mad, but I gotta agree with Ed. Sometime a night’s sleep cools things off, and if it truly IS a big deal, you can calmly talk it over in the morning vs. dragging out the discussion into the wee hours where you only get more tired and emotional. A little step back gives it some perspective.
As far as the communication, my husband gets very defensive about stuff even though I am SO careful to not make it about him. I am careful to say “I feel…” instead of “You always…” yet somehow any conversation that starts out about me and my feelings gets twisted where I end up comforting & reassuring HIM when I was the one looking for that. We’ve had some good talks lately, when I’ve been way more honest with him than I have been in 10 years together. And I think it opened his eyes. I’ve always protected him and withheld some of my true feelings because he gets so defensive and it’s just not worth the hassle. But I can see how my not being HEARD or understood is starting to catch up with us (me). It’s an ongoing process, learning to communicate, especially with kids now.
Great series! I’m anxious for the following installments.
Kates latest discovery was..Friends
Comment by Jeremy on 30 June 2008:
And therein lies the heart of most problems between couples - things build up to a point of such frustration that it leads to silent resentment, open hostility or a slow death to honest and meaningful conversations. Thank you very much for bringing out that point Kate - it flipped a light on for me!
Comment by Quirkee James on 1 July 2008:
My wife and I have always been honest with each other. It’s something that is truly beneficial to both of us. We love each other for who we are - and that is what’s important. Honest communication is what keeps us together and loving each other more every day.
Pingback by The Manival #10: Discussion and Links on Men's Issues and Interests | The Art of Manliness on 1 July 2008:
[...] at Discovering dad asked several dad bloggers what they think about honest communication. The post originated from a question that a mom blogger had. Great discussion on having better and [...]
Comment by Robyn on 1 July 2008:
Really enjoyed reading this post and am looking forward to the rest of the series. I’m impressed to see such a collection of men’s views on communication packed into one page, supplemented with all the wonderful reader response you received!
My husband and I got married pretty young, and had to sort of ‘finish growing up’ together those first years of our marriage and sort of learn mature communication as we went. We had our first child as an unexpected honeymoon present, so the whirlwind of children and related subjects has dominated our conversations for years, leaving little time/energy to analyze our communication styles. Or at least my husband didn’t have the energy for it, lol.
A few thoughts on each of your responses:
Jim - You mention “Did you just roll your eyes? Fine, I’m going to shut down now.” - DANG - that is so true, and I am soooo guilty! Usually my eye rolling, however, is preceded by him insisting he has told me something, and I contest that he didn’t. ME:”Wait, what? You are going out of town Friday?” HIM:”Oh, you remember, I told you that Dan & I were going camping this weekend - you knew about it” ME:”Um, no, we’ve never talked about that” HIM:”Sure we did, I told you last week!” ME:”Uh-huh,(eye-roll)(sometimes followed by a heavy sigh)” Usually, he has talked about a subject so much to his friends, that he honestly thinks he has told me. If I roll my eyes over this, it shuts him down instantly, and I get a ‘puppy that just got kicked’ look. It’s excruciating really, and I feel like crap. He really isn’t malicious in his not telling me, he just really thinks he did!
Joe - I love that you are proactive and came up with a solution for pinning your wife down and wanting a positive outcome. You call it Tickle Therapy. My husband tried that while we were still dating, and quickly learned that in my book, that is really Tickle Torture, and I would much rather be reasonable than be tickled!
Ed - Love the quote you included. Really, a lot of women, and men too I think, just want to be heard. Sometimes we tune the other person out, but really, sometimes we just need a safe sounding board. I love when my husband will just let me vent about something. It only gets annoying when he offers to harm whoever has offended me. My boys think that is amusing. Often the rest of my rant is ignored as they devise elaborate schemes about how they will carry out their mission, and don’t notice that I’ve left the floor.
Chuck - It’s odd, if we are in a conversation about anything that isnt philosophical, religious, or political in nature, I’m the one who needs my husband to shorten up the lead in. I don’t want the history of the kayak and how its evolved over the years and the composite materials it’s made of. Yet. Maybe later, but for now, just own up and announce that you’ve decided to purchase it (umm.. or have already purchased it…), and I’ll let you know pretty quickly if I have more questions.
Jeremy - Your thoughts on courteous tones. You are so right, we let our ugly sides show all to easily with those we love. My husband and I both have to really watch this, but like you said, even when things get heated and out of hand, we are both confident that we really love each other.
Really looking forward to reading the next part in the series, and I promise not to be so long winded in my next replies =)
Robyn
Pingback by What’s Dad’s Really Think | D is for Dad | Parenting from a Dad's eye view on 1 July 2008:
[...] Monday - Honest Communication [...]
Pingback by Manival for the Manimal! « Persistent Illusion on 1 July 2008:
[...] Dad wrote an enlightening little post on what men really think about ‘communicating’. It will come as no surprise that the question that got this little bit of introspection started [...]
Comment by Joe on 2 July 2008:
Robyn, and thus the method works.
Pingback by What Dads Really Think About Flirting | Discovering Dad on 2 July 2008:
[...] To the best of my recollection, I have never made a comment about how hot or totally fine a particular woman may be (in the presence of my wife). Not even the “mmm, mmm” she mutters every time she sees a photo of Eddie Vedder or Brady Quinn or any number of others I jokingly refer to as Her Boys. I just don’t do it. It kind of hurts when she does it, but I’ve never said a word (Goes back to those issues I have with communication). [...]