My husband and I got married pretty young, and had to sort of ‘finish growing up’ together those first years of our marriage and sort of learn mature communication as we went. We had our first child as an unexpected honeymoon present, so the whirlwind of children and related subjects has dominated our conversations for years, leaving little time/energy to analyze our communication styles. Or at least my husband didn’t have the energy for it, lol.

A few thoughts on each of your responses:

Jim – You mention “Did you just roll your eyes? Fine, I’m going to shut down now.” – DANG – that is so true, and I am soooo guilty! Usually my eye rolling, however, is preceded by him insisting he has told me something, and I contest that he didn’t. ME:”Wait, what? You are going out of town Friday?” HIM:”Oh, you remember, I told you that Dan & I were going camping this weekend – you knew about it” ME:”Um, no, we’ve never talked about that” HIM:”Sure we did, I told you last week!” ME:”Uh-huh,(eye-roll)(sometimes followed by a heavy sigh)” Usually, he has talked about a subject so much to his friends, that he honestly thinks he has told me. If I roll my eyes over this, it shuts him down instantly, and I get a ‘puppy that just got kicked’ look. It’s excruciating really, and I feel like crap. He really isn’t malicious in his not telling me, he just really thinks he did!

Joe – I love that you are proactive and came up with a solution for pinning your wife down and wanting a positive outcome. You call it Tickle Therapy. My husband tried that while we were still dating, and quickly learned that in my book, that is really Tickle Torture, and I would much rather be reasonable than be tickled!

Ed – Love the quote you included. Really, a lot of women, and men too I think, just want to be heard. Sometimes we tune the other person out, but really, sometimes we just need a safe sounding board. I love when my husband will just let me vent about something. It only gets annoying when he offers to harm whoever has offended me. My boys think that is amusing. Often the rest of my rant is ignored as they devise elaborate schemes about how they will carry out their mission, and don’t notice that I’ve left the floor.

Chuck – It’s odd, if we are in a conversation about anything that isnt philosophical, religious, or political in nature, I’m the one who needs my husband to shorten up the lead in. I don’t want the history of the kayak and how its evolved over the years and the composite materials it’s made of. Yet. Maybe later, but for now, just own up and announce that you’ve decided to purchase it (umm.. or have already purchased it…), and I’ll let you know pretty quickly if I have more questions.

Jeremy – Your thoughts on courteous tones. You are so right, we let our ugly sides show all to easily with those we love. My husband and I both have to really watch this, but like you said, even when things get heated and out of hand, we are both confident that we really love each other.

Really looking forward to reading the next part in the series, and I promise not to be so long winded in my next replies =)

Robyn