What Dads Think About Moms Body After Babies
This article is Part 4 of 5 for the series What Dads Really Think - Moms Want to Know.
Momo from Momo Fali’s. wants to know what dads really think about mom’s body after babies.
Momo explains why she and other Moms want to know:
It’s fairly well known that the more attractive you are, the more attention you get from the opposite sex. Looks and appearance are key elements in our search for a mate. Though, in my opinion and experience, females can be more emotional when it comes to attraction, while males are more physical. It’s simply the way men are wired.
To put it mildly, I am not aging gracefully. If I may be brutally honest, things are sagging. There are stretch marks after two pregnancies, and I have a lovely scar across my stomach from two c-sections. My love of the sun is showing on my face, and my laugh lines are more like laugh trenches.
And through all my bodily changes, from firm to doughy, from smooth to scarred, my husband…my red-blooded, testosterone-laden man…still says he’s attracted to me. Even though it’s hard for me to comprehend, I believe him. Or at least, I want to believe him. I know that if he lost his hair (he hasn’t), or if he had birthed two babies (he obviously didn’t), I would still be attracted to him. But, I am a woman and that’s how I’m wired.
Can men really look past our imperfections? Does their love for us allow us some bodily leeway? What I want to know is how do the Dads really feel about their wife’s changing body?
Here’s what the Dads think about Mom’s Body after Babies:
Jim from The Busy Dad Blog. There is nothing at all wrong or unattractive about moms who have lost their “new car smell.” In fact, I view it quite the opposite. A mom sporting the battle scars of motherhood, e.g. a little extra poundage, a little more sag, eye bags, and wrinkles, actually becomes a more appealing human being in my eyes. It could be because I am a dad blogger who holds parenting in the highest esteem as far as one’s life accomplishments go. Dads, moms–anyone who steps up and takes care of business–there is nothing more deserving of my respect or admiration than that.
Getting back to the subject of my wife in particular. She of course laments that she will never get her pre-pregnancy body back. Sure, it’s a great goal to shoot for, but whether she makes it or not won’t really affect the attraction meter for me. She was a different person back then, a tadpole if you will. She has become a frog. Er… scratch that. She was a caterpillar who became a butterfly.
To be totally honest, I have more trouble with her losing that “party girl” attitude that she had pre-marriage than anything else. I totally applaud her for tackling this mom thing head-on and transforming her outlook, but of course, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it dearly. Physically, she’s A-OK and always will be.
That being said, I also have no problem at all with cosmetic surgery. You only have this one life, and if you go through it unhappy about something that could be fixed with a nip and a tuck or a bag of salt water, then why suffer? If my wife wanted to go through with a procedure that would make her feel more confident or more content with her life, then I would be the last one to kill that buzz. We get braces and fancy haircuts right? No different in my eyes.
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Joe from Joeprah.com. I do not approve of or like the idea of plastic surgery. It is just wrong on so many levels (IMO). Our bodies change, however I can honestly say I love my wife more and more everyday no matter what changes we go through. I think there is a direct correlation between an individual’s time they spend on keeping themselves looking fit for their spouse and how often they are intimate. I don’t just mean “Business Time” intimate, I mean hugging and cuddling and all that stuff. I think that we generally all want to look appealing for our significant others, but I don’t think that should ever drive us to surgery.
As for my wife during and after pregnancy, I may be a little spoiled on this one because my wife lost most of her pregnancy weight within a few weeks after each baby. I can’t say whether or not this matters to me because it has never been an issue. I think that this phenomenon may be a testament to the strength of our relationship but also how strong she is as a person.
Sags? I see no such sags, but I suppose it is inevitable. I also think that the mind is the sexiest part of the body and guess what? My wife is wicked smart. I think too much emphasis has been put on trying to achieve and remain perfect and, in my opinion, it isn’t necessary.
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Ed from Zoe’s Dad. Within ten to fifteen pounds I weigh the same that I did eight years ago when I got married. Hell, I’m within that range spanning twenty years ago when I graduated college. Problem is, none of that weight is in the same place. Everything has shifted: up, down, out (a lot of out). I refer to the ever-increasing size of my stomach as Dunlap’s Disease. That’s when your stomach gets so big it ‘done lapped’ over your belt. My wife has never said a word to me about my slug-like metamorphosis. And I have never said a word about any changes she may have experienced.
I have always been attracted to my wife. She is beautiful and the changes to her body as a result of pregnancy and age have only enhanced that. I get excited when I see her. I get excited when I’m near her. I get excited when I think about her. (You may apply your own interpretation of excited here, I’m pretty sure it will apply.) There is a glow and a warmth about her that draws me in. She would paint a very different picture but then, we’re always most critical of ourselves, aren’t we? I think that what she fails to recognize is that I love her for who she is. From the onset of our relationship, I tried to make that point very clear.
She is without exception the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I love her just as much today as I did when we first met, inside and out!
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Chuck from D is for Dad. Many, many years ago I spent a summer operating a jack hammer in sweltering heat. I have never been as in shape as I was that summer. Today, I’ve managed to keep myself from getting too out of control (seeing as I don’t exercise or eat well), but I’m a far cry from that ripped kid who wasn’t afraid to walk around without a shirt on. My wife was also a different person all those years ago, before children had entered into the story. There are two main differences though. One, she has always exercised and eaten well. Two, she now has two children to show for the changes in her body. My jack hammer callused hands barely lasted two weeks.
Sure, her body has changed, but it has never bothered me. I’ve always considered it part of the grand plan. The very fact that I am here with her to evidence and experience the change is somehow proof to me that we’ll be fawning over one another 50 years from now. It’s really very comforting.
Something I need to remind myself of how supportive I need to be when she is feeling less than happy with the state of her post-baby body. I made the mistake early on of thinking that just telling her she looked great was enough. It isn’t always enough. These days I try and help her feel better about her body. This may mean going shopping with her and helping her find something she thinks she looks good in. It may also mean that both of us will be dieting for a little while because it makes her feel better. You get the idea? Words aren’t always enough.
My secret is though, while she has a great body and I feel unworthy most days, it is her mind I love the most.
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Jeremy from Discovering Dad. At my house, it isn’t my wife’s post-pregnancy body that is an issue - it’s mine! To give you an idea, we had to stop into the doctor’s office to pick something up one week after our new baby Caitlin was born. The receptionist looked at Lori and asked, “Did you just have your baby?” Lori said yes. “I hate you,” the lady said with a contemptuous smile. Then, there’s me, the balding, wrinkling, softening sidekick who looks like he swallowed the baby Lori just gave birth to!
I have no problem whatsoever with my wife’s body after giving birth to two babies.
Now, having said that, no one escapes the affects of time and age on a body completely. After two kids and almost 10 years of being with me, Lori has some wrinkles. She would probably say that things are sagging, although I don’t really think so. She would definitely say that the sun combined with the pregnancies has caused some skin damage and spots to develop. There’s no question that she looks different now than she did when we first got married. The thing is when I look at her I don’t see the imperfections - I only see the woman I love who is beautiful in every way to me.
As time moves on and things continue to change physically, who knows, maybe Lori will want to “get some work done.” It won’t be at the behest of me though. I, on the other hand, may need to get some major work done - my self-esteem would be greatly improved if I could get an assectomy. Have you seen the size of my butt lately!?!
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Alright Moms, Dads, wives, husbands, women and men, readers in general - it’s time for you to speak. What are your thoughts about mom’s changing bodies? What did you learn from perspectives the panel shared? What are the things that you do in your relationship? Don’t be shy or humble - please share your communication tips and insights!
Share your thoughts about this topic in the comments. Feel free to relate your comments back to the panel’s insights, or ask a question of them - they don’t have any problem telling the truth as they see it! You can also reply to comments made by others and get a real conversation going around this important topic.
Part 5 of the series continues tomorrow with the panel sharing What Dads Think About Quality Time.
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Comment by BusyDad on 3 July 2008:
Whew. I can sit this one out. I’m not way off the deep end this time.
Comment by Jeremy on 3 July 2008:
Dude, you were not off the deep end! No sitting this one out either - people like what you have to say.
Comment by Chuck on 3 July 2008:
Momo - This was a great question to answer. Thanks for making me sit down and really consider it.
Chucks latest discovery was..Those things that shape you
Comment by Dad of Divas on 3 July 2008:
You know I agree with so many of the comments today. I am constantly trying to support my wife with how she feels about her body because I too am still attracted to her, even after 2 babies and 12 years. I actually can say that I am even more attracted to her today than earlier in our marriage if that is possible. I still find myself turned on by her when she walks in the room, and though her body is different than it was when we first met, I don’t see this as a bad thing.
As Jeremy mentions, not only has his wife’s body changed, but his has as well… and I have found this to be true as well. While my wife would still say that it hasn’t…it has and I notice it. I never was the buff guy that Chuck must have been in his youth, but I have been slender, but recently due to lack of time in working out, I find this being realigned (not exactly to areas I want them aligned in).
I am not the biggest proponent of cosmetic surgery…but that is just me. I feel that a person’s body is perfect the way they are…I am not going to condone someone if they have this, but for me (and my wife for what she has said to me about it), I like my wife’s body the way it is.
Dad of Divass latest discovery was..Wordless Wednesday #8 - A Dad of Divas
Comment by Lori B on 3 July 2008:
Hoo boy - did this one EVER hit close to home, what with being 6 weeks post-partum! Yes, I am less than thrilled with my post-Caitlin body. To be honest, I was the goodyear blimp with Ty. Not as bad with Caitlin, I was cranking right along, looking pretty damn good, and BAM! My selp esteem took a major bitch slap when I stepped on the scale on Monday before my doctor’s appointment. Just so you know, I am not obsessed with the scale. I used to be. Not anymore. I can gain or lose 5 lbs during a single day depending on what I eat or drink (or don’t as the case may be.) Rather, I simply weigh myself before appointments to “check the accuracy” of the doctor’s scale (me + clothes always = a higher number than I want to see. Shorts and flip flops weigh like 5 lbs right???) I have back fat and a bootylicious butt that is bigger than J Lo’s right now. But honestly, all that can be camoflaged with clothes. My face can’t hid the ravages of time… and that sucks. If we had unlimitedd $$$$, I’d be pulling a Hollywood style extreme makeover. They’d wheel me in on a gurney, and I’d select the “works”… if detailing and deep cleaning is good enough for my car, why not me? Some people dream of vacations, I long for Botox.
Though I wouldn’t trade my kids for the world, I would really like my 23 year old body back.
Comment by Dad of Divas on 3 July 2008:
I think that J-Mom would say the same thing regarding having her body back and in that case, so would I… but the trade off (our daughters) is worth it… At least J-Mom has something she can turn to and say…this is one large reason to why my body has changed…I cannot.
Comment by Momo Fali on 3 July 2008:
Yay! My husband hasn’t been lying to me! Thanks guys.
Momo Falis latest discovery was..He Shouldn’t Talk About Those Cheerleaders Like That
Comment by Robyn on 3 July 2008:
Great question to put out there, @Momo!
My 3rd ‘baby’ is now 19, but dang, I dealt with fears about my post-baby body for a long time after he was born. I’d given birth 3 times in just over 4 years time, so was pretty sure my body would be stuck ‘that way’ forever. It wasn’t. I never had to have a C-section and didn’t get any stretch marks, but not everything went back to the way it used to be. Although my weight returned its pre-baby state (lower actually), my rib cage and hips bones seemed wider and I ended up with curves in places I wasn’t comfortable with. My husband would still tell me how he was even more attracted to me now, and certainly behaved as such, but it took some time for me to relax about it believe it again.
The other point you bring up in your question to the dads is one of time and age. Our love of sun catches up with us, the ‘ravages of time’ show up. Or the blessings of time, depending on the perspective I guess. I think I’m probably older than most of the people responding to the threads in this series, but I’m finding this issue of aging together fascinating (though mildly annoying as well. More fascinated by his age related changes, more annoyed by mine). Somehow so many men just get more attractive and sexy as their faces mature and their hair changes in color and density. The thickening waistline on my husband doesn’t bother me at all. And in my mind, there is nothing as attractive as a man who openly places his family as a priority and is plugged in to loving respecting and caring for them. For me and my age related changes, I’m not quite so forgiving, but cosmetic surgery? I’m not really sure. I know people who have had it done, and it worked great, but I know others who did it, and they just look silly. I’m not opposed to the idea if it helps someone feel better about themselves, just as Jim from Busy Dad said, but I guess within reason.
Comment by NukeDad on 3 July 2008:
I’m not touching this one with a 10 foot pole. Well…. As a husband who looks like HE is in his 3rd tri-mester, I will judge no one. I do think; however, that after the birth of the kids, the focus has always been on the family as a whole. My bride is just as beautiful to me today as the day we got married. Telling her often only strengthens our relationship. While we all would like to have the bodies we had in High School/College, it just isn’t reality. Being comfortable in your own skin is key. That includes body, mind and soul. It’s a package deal.
NukeDads latest discovery was..Big Word Wednesday-Week 12
Comment by Secret Agent Mama on 3 July 2008:
This topic, I think, hits close to home for so many moms.
Before I had Davey I had a revolution within. I got healthy, lost a bunch of weight, worked out, did Yoga, maintained a healthy weight (for me). After I got pregnant I vowed I would keep it up, but I didn’t.
Here I sit, 18 months after his birth, 50 pounds heavier still. While I have great self esteem, and I often think I’m super skinny (strange, I know); I am not. A part of me sometimes thinks, “why is he with me when there are all these beautiful creatures in the world,” and then he does something that lets me know that I am his wife, that he loves me, and that I *am* beautiful.
Great topic and great responses, Guys!
Comment by Ed (zoesdad) on 3 July 2008:
There are several issues I think may come into play here. One of course, is how we as husbands perceive our wives. Hopefully, I answered that one.
The other, and I think this is pretty significant, is how our wives perceive of themselves. Try as I may (or we) speaking for the group called husbands or men in general–we can not give you self esteem. That is a largely internal battle that we unfortunaltely are pretty defenseless against. It doesn’t matter how many times we say you are gorgeous and beautiful, unless you really feel gorgeous and beautiful all you will ever hear is words.
Chuck touched on this in commenting that sometimes saying it does not always make it so. Words are not always enough.
Comment by Robyn on 3 July 2008:
I agree with Ed(zoesdad) in his statement above. As I stated earlier, “My husband would still tell me how he was even more attracted to me now, and certainly behaved as such, but it took some time for me to relax about it believe it again.”
My husbands support and words were important, but it was more important for me to gain my own esteem back after childbirth.
Comment by OhCaptain on 3 July 2008:
My wife is hot! She’s had 2 kids and a career, and I still think she looks amazing.
I gained 30 pounds with each kid. Yikes. What’s a guy to do, she was finally hungry and wanted to eat. When we dated, she never wanted to eat. She gets pregnant and suddenly there’s food in house.
I’m on board with BD on the women who are now mothers are much hotter then their childless counterparts, however, I’ve never agreed with plastic surgery to make you feel better about yourself. Its a fantasy that the surgery will make you feel better about yourself. It won’t. You need to find it in yourself to love yourself just they way you are.
OhCaptains latest discovery was..Twins win!
Comment by Ed (zoesdad) on 3 July 2008:
Thanks, Robyn. I was afraid I had muddled my point.
Ed (zoesdad)s latest discovery was..Whew! Do Not Go In There!
Comment by DaddysToolbox on 3 July 2008:
well my wife looks great for having two children, 22 months apart! She never gained a lot of pregnancy weight, I wouldn’t let her, I ate everything and now can’t shake the weight as easily. Sometimes I wish i could have lost the pregnancy weight as easily as she did.
Her pre-preggo weight was 123 and i think she maxed out around 145 or so. After our first child was born even the doctor, after all the post birth stuff is done, pushed down on her uterus and said, “whoa, you are already back to normal!” and she was. 2 weeks later we were walking through the store with our son and a lady says, “cute baby”, “thanks says my wife,” and the lady says, “YOU’RE the MOTHER!?” she was shocked.
So yes, my wife has snapped back to her pre-pregnancy weight. She doesn’t exercise or do anything. I think it’s all the healthy food that I cook for her!
she does have the extra skin on her belly but there isn’t a whole lot you can do with that. It’s just from being stretched out. I’m sure if i could lose 15-20 pounds in one day my body would be all wrinkly and stretched out.
Oh, both of our kids were only 6 pounds, so with the afterbirth and water weight and all that stuff, she really did drop 15-20 pounds and was pretty close to pre birth weight. She also breast fed for a while which tightened and shrunk things up pretty quickly.
DaddysToolboxs latest discovery was..Why My Kids Want Mommy So Much?
Comment by Jeremy on 3 July 2008:
Chris - from the pictures you put in your anniversary post, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
Nuke - I have been strugglin’ on our diet goals man…strugglin! The only good habit I have kept for the past few months is the no soda recommendation and more fruits/veggies thing, but….beer and chips have found their way back, along with the carbs at meals. I need to refocus!
Robyn - I really like your perspectives, and I’m so glad you add them here!
Momo - thanks for a great question! I’m sure you’re husband loves you just the way you are (cue music
)
Lori - you know I love you and I don’t think you need to change a thing!
Mishi - it’s very encouraging to hear someone not allow this type of thing negatively impact self esteem. Personally, I think too often negative thoughts about weight lead to much more serious negative self talk and actions. I joke about my weight a lot, especially in comparison to when I actually was buff ;-), but my self talk and self esteem are both positive. You’re husband and family are fortunate to have a great role model in this regard.
Ed - well said, I couldn’t agree more!
Comment by DC Urban Dad on 3 July 2008:
I gotta agree with Jeremy. The problem is not with my wife but with me. I put on a good 10 to 15 myself and would love to get rid of it.
I adore my wife’s body though and feel closer to her than I ever have. It feels great to be up next to her with out the baby “technically” between us. I missed that.
But I do face the same problem’s that Chuck does. That is great advice and something I have never thought of. I have always bought her things that I thought she would look good in, but that never seems to pan out.
This is an awesome topic.
Comment by Matt on 3 July 2008:
I am actually a little mystified by how women seem to become so bothered by their appearance after having children. I mean, I understand all the reasons, but I think they place too much unnecessary emphasis on it. Appearances aside, many other things become more “relaxed” after having children as well simply from the sheer mental drain of it all. Maybe the house isn’t as clean, or you start using the bathroom with the door open, whatever. The point is that part of it is just transitioning into being a family, not just a couple. Its totally OK, and all the men I know are still attracted to and love their wives dearly.
I also think a man’s definition of WHAT’s attractive changes too. I read a list in a magazine recently: Top 10 changes a man goes through after having a child. The one that stood out to me was “You now think that moms are hot”. Totally true. I challenge any guy here to say that he hasn’t stolen a quick look back after being passed by a mom with a jogging stroller at the mall.
The bottom line is, once you ladies become the mothers of our children, you gain a new status. The physical aspect of it becomes a smaller piece of the whole picture. You are now a mom. And that’s hot.
PS - That being said, I live in the LA area, and it it against the law for me to be opposed to plastic surgery. If it makes YOU feel better, go for it. When my wife feels great about herself, I do too.
Matts latest discovery was..Top Ten Tips for Encouraging Your Toddler To Go In Her Diaper.
Comment by Matt on 3 July 2008:
PS - I didn’t mean to imply that my wife has had any plastic surgery to this point. Just that her self-confidence is attractive in and of itself.
Matts latest discovery was..Top Ten Tips for Encouraging Your Toddler To Go In Her Diaper.
Comment by Mr Lady on 3 July 2008:
Well, whew. Here’s my story:
I was 22, 98 pounds, dating some 25 year old former Princeton Swim Team Star. We. Were. HAWT. Then I got pregnant. Guess how much I gained? One Hundred and Five Pounds. I doubled my weight, plus 5.
At 33, I don’t ever want to weigh 98 pounds again, but I will never, ever get back anywhere remotely close to a decent weight, mainly because I had so much skin stretch during pregnancy that will never come back in. And it all sits right below my belly button, in rolls. (my subsequent pregnancies, I gained 80 and 60)
My poor husband, man. He had no idea what to do with me. He totally freaked out, and the beginning of many years of intimacy issues ensues.
So, yeah, I cannot handle my own body post pregnancy. My husband has come to love it again, but it took a long time. I don’t think he even sees the skin rolls or notices where my boobs hang to (kneecaps) anymore. I think it’s sweet, but if I could have plastic surgery to remove all this skin, to give him back a little bit of what he signed up for, to be able to wear a 2 piece again, I would. IN A HEARTBEAT.
Mr Ladys latest discovery was..The Post in Which I Send You Elsewhere
Comment by Momo Fali on 3 July 2008:
Matt - I think the unnecessary emphasis on our appearance comes from the images we (and therefore, our husbands) are smacked in the face with every day. Plus, men are visual creatures…in my opinion, more so than women, and that makes me worry that I might not be attractive to my husband anymore. I love what you said about gaining a new status and how being Moms make us hot! I appreciate that!
Comment by Kate on 3 July 2008:
When I got pregnant with my son, I was heavier than I’d ever been (+30lbs). I only gained 22lbs, but ended up losing about 50lb due to nursing and a change in eating habits. I felt great and thought I look great too! With my daughter, I was thinner to start with, gained 27lbs and was back in my jeans in 9 days. I fully appreciate that I am one of those lucky women that springs right back after pregnancy. (I had the same experience as Daddy’sToolbox’s wife - people couldn’t believe my daughter was mine when she was 10 days old.)
I have to say, I’m pretty proud of my post-baby body. No, it’s not firm and tight or defined, but I’m gradually working on that. My husband has never had an issue with the way I’ve looked, even when I was heavier. He looks back at pictures from that time and says that he doesn’t remember me as big (even tho the pics tell a different story). And he tells me all the time that he still finds me attractive, which I believe and appreciate.
All the comments from the dads just reinforce that my husband is being sincere too. It’s nice to hear that you still love us in spite of our “battle scars”.
Kates latest discovery was..Wordless Wednesday
Comment by BusyDad on 3 July 2008:
Whew. I thought I was the only guy who thought women with kids are hotter than women without! Good to know others agree. I think as we become parents, we APPRECIATE what it means to give yourself so fully to the care of another being. To me, that is the essence of life. Before you reach that stage, you’re just a prototype. And of course prototypes look good. They always do. so who really cares. But being an attractive human being involves so much more than looks. The aura of a battle tested mom is way more attractive to me. There’s more wisdom, nurturing, endurance and humor (you need humor to survive parenting) in the mix. That’s multidimensional and that is what hotness is all about. BTW, my single guy friends would SHOOT me for writing this. But they just don’t get it. yet.
BusyDads latest discovery was..Rollin’ on tha Eastside… the Far Eastside
Comment by Charlie on PA Tpk on 3 July 2008:
It wouldn’t matter to me if my much-better-half (mom of 2) isn’t as she was when we met in college 20 years ago (and I’m not saying she isn’t)….
I know that I married-up so much so, there’s no way it could matter to me!
Charlie on PA Tpks latest discovery was..Quick Hits
Comment by Gregg on 3 July 2008:
I haven’t read all the comments (saved them for a later time) so forgive me if this is a duplicate.
My wife is small, 5′0″ a little over a hundred pounds. At age 40+, this frequently makes other women her age jealous. Additionally, she is fairly attractive and is mistaken for a much younger woman frequently. However, being that size has it’s downside, she’s small and had two babies that were large 8 lb 10 oz and 9 lb 6 oz.
This does not do good things to a small body! She is self-conscious and would like cosmetic surgery in particular to “fix” the loose skin on her stomach. If and when money is available for such a thing, I would probably support her, but I sure don’t WISH she’d do it. I think she is very beautiful in all ways.
I think nearly every woman that is confident in themselves ends up appearing beautiful, regardless of the physical appearance compared to a fitness model (some muscle is much better than skinny, btw). When you love them on top of that, no one can touch that.
I can’t imagine being with someone other than my wife, and I’m quite confident I never will. So, I’m also quite sure that I will be strongly attracted to her for as long as we live.
Greggs latest discovery was..Favorite Childhood Pastimes
Comment by Matt on 3 July 2008:
BusyDad - I totally agree with that. I think its sort of a primal, caveman instinct thing. I think men subconsciously are attracted to women based on their “needs” at that particular stage in life. Younger, single guys simply don’t have the frame of reference that having a family provides, so they tend to be attracted to women who are also without that frame of reference. Partly because they don’t know any better, but also because there is a certain intimidation factor that women who have children posses…I remember. They clearly new a helluva lot more than I did.
However, when you become a father, that body of experience (no pun intended) is not only no longer intimidating, but comforting and sexy. My wife probably will never believe this, but she’s sexier to me than she ever was before we had out daughter. I can’t explain it entirely, something to do with the way she’s filled out (and I mean that in the best possible way), and noticing qualities in her that were simply not there before our daughter came along.
Matts latest discovery was..Top Ten Tips for Encouraging Your Toddler To Go In Her Diaper.
Comment by Jeremy on 3 July 2008:
One of the things some of the comments make me think about is that after you witness your spouse/partner give birth, you appreciate them so much more. Then, once you witness them loving and nurturing that child, you love them even more. And that makes you want to be with them in every way…more. When I look at Lori, I freakin’ love her, and that is HOT to me.
Comment by Matt on 3 July 2008:
Word.
Comment by Velvet Verbosity on 3 July 2008:
I am totally digging this series. I hope it’s ok that I invited myself to the dialogue party. I’m always intrigued by the chasms between men and women and how me manage to bridge them. So here are my thoughts.
First, my story. I have two children, and like Gregg’s wife, I’m tiny and while I snapped right back to pre-pregnancy weight, things are different and I don’t like all those differences. I work out and I swallowed the last of my insecurities about stretch marks and some loose skin and found a hot bikini that flatters the best of what I got. I divorced for emotional reasons, not physical ones. My ex was attracted to me all through pregnancy, birth, and even more so after.
That said, I wanted to speak to women’s insecurities around their bodies and how both men and women can address it in relationships. First, I want to point out the evolution of that insecurity. Anyone here seen the Dove commercial where they show a sweet little girl who gets bombarded with all the images of perfect airbrushed women? That’s our reality, and it takes enormous strength of character and vigilance to not let that steady stream of images and what it implies about men’s preferences to get into our sub-conscious and fester. Add to that the higher rate of affairs among men, the trend for men to date younger women, and…wait, oh, porn, and you’ve just mixed up a cocktail that feeds women’s insecurities.
So, while I’m all for personal responsibility, learning to be comfortable with who you are, taking care of yourself, and all that…I’m also for the guys standing in our shoes for a day and trying to imagine the tide we surf against every day. If we get a little insecure, cut us some slack, lay off the porn and the lad mags (if that’s your preference), and try to pretend that Angelina ain’t all that when you see her on screen. Do it for your daughters too, because they’re growing up in this world of images that’s fueled by men’s “visual” leanings and that sends the message loud and clear that the way we look counts for a lot more than we want to think about.
That said, I truly believe that genuine love trumps all that, and when you love someone, you DO find them attractive, lumps, bumps, sag and all. So cultivate the love in your relationships ladies and gentleman, including the love for yourself, and you will be hot for each other for years to come.
Velvet Verbositys latest discovery was..Musical Break
Comment by Velvet Verbosity on 3 July 2008:
Oh, and I just want to mention that this is way better than that Venus/Mars book.
Comment by Jeremy on 3 July 2008:
Alright! We are the Jupiter of relationships! Thanks Velvet!
Comment by Chuck on 3 July 2008:
Wow. If I may, I’d like to take a moment and toss out a round of applause for everyone that has been commenting throughout this series, not to mention Jeremy and the panel of Mom’s and Dad’s.
When I first answered the series of questions it required me to really think about where I stood. It’s easy to toss your opinion out in a verbal conversation and dismiss is later as being in the heat of the moment. It is something else entirely when contributing to a series like this. It’s kinda like “Go big or go home”.
I’m looking forward to tomorrows installment.
Thanks for making this a very memorable experience.
Comment by Jeremy on 3 July 2008:
Thanks Chuck!
Comment by Elliott - 21st Century Dad on 6 July 2008:
I don’t know if this is such a fair cross-section. The mom and dad bloggers I’ve met are a pretty enlightened bunch.
I agree with BusyDad. There is something sexy about fertility. Back in my single days, i was openminded toward dating single moms.
My wife has been steadily losing weight since the pregnancy and we need to go clothes shopping in a bad way. Maybe it’s all the breastfeeding and babywearing. Having a baby strapped to your body while you go about your daily routine definitely has some serious calorie-burning effects. Breastfeeding full-time can have the same calorie-burning effects as running 5 miles a day.
She is, and always will be the sexiest woman I’ve ever known.
Elliott - 21st Century Dads latest discovery was..Happy 4th of July - Random Thoughts and Link Love
Comment by Jeremy on 6 July 2008:
I’m sure she appreciates you saying that Elliott! Thanks for the comment!
Comment by VegasDad on 7 July 2008:
My wife will always be HotMomma to me. She has her “sad she lost her bangin’ pre-baby body,” but the promise of new boobies when she’s done having kids gives her something to look forward to.
VegasDads latest discovery was..time to be a big boy
Comment by Jeremy on 8 July 2008:
It’s good to have something to look forward to, right!?!