Throughout my childhood I visited with him probably ten times. I grew up with only vague imaginations of what a father was. When I became a teenager I went through a phase in which I changed my name because I wanted no association with him at all. I was angry at him for deciding we weren’t worth staying around for. The core of my existence rested on a firm knowledge that I was not okay, different from everyone else and not worthy. Thus I didn’t bother with sports or competitions, and backed down from any fight that might come my way.

Now that I have kids of my own, I am very much trying to be the father I didn’t have, so that my kids can have a chance at a better childhood. It’s a constant effort and requires making a lot of choices that are contrary to my inner dialog.

toms latest discovery was..Disneyland Or Bust