This post is Part 5 of 5. See Related Posts at bottom for links to all parts.

Please join me in thanking our 5 incredible panel Moms – you rock ladies! Leave each of them a comment letting them know how much you enjoyed this series!

What Moms Really Think is a 5-part series featuring insights from Moms about specific topics of interest to Dads. The objective of the series is to explore relationships between men and women that have the added complexity of parenthood. The content is targeted at dads, but it is relevant to all men and women who are ‘married,’ parents or thinking of starting a family. Participation in the series is strongly encouraged – all points of view are welcomed in the comments.

For more information about the series and/or panel participants, see the series kick-off article

Not all Dads are the same. As I’ve written about before, there are many kinds of dads. Most of us who are parents today grew up in a time when Dads were expected to work and Moms were expected to take care for the kids and home. Few of us dads, including me, could ever have imagined a time when we might be the primary caregivers of our children. The only example we have to look to is that of the patriarchal head of household that we grew up with and see portrayed often on TV; if not that, then it’s the bumbling idiot dad who doesn’t know how to do anything without the help of mom. These stereotypes don’t stand up any more – we’re different now – times have changed.

Most Dads aren’t perfect. As you’ve seen, even those of us who are trying really hard to be good husbands and fathers, still fail and fall short of expectations. We are human, and so we err, sin or whatever you want to call screwing things up. We also learn from our mistakes, though, and we try not to repeat them over and over again.

Many of us are learning what it means to be a Good Dad. Discovering Dad has evolved into a site that documents my journey, and some of my friends (see Spotlight on Dads series), toward becoming a Good Dad. Nothing in life is more important to me than being a good husband and father. I appreciate every moment I have with my family, and I would do anything just to make them happy, safe and satisfied in life.

This series was conceptualized because I got pissed off at a story that, in my opinion, was derogatory to men, particularly those who were striving to be Good Dads. I wrote a rebuttal piece, that probably could have used a little more tact and might have been better if slightly filtered/reworded (the whole sex as a reward thing). Rather than sit around and wonder what moms really think about us dads, I decided to ask a few who I knew would be honest, helpful and NOT hateful. From the response the series has received this week, I think I found the right bunch (Jim at BusyDad helped me with the panel selection process – Thanks Jim!).

Here’s what the Moms had to say about what a Good Dad is to them:

Kim aka Kimmylyn of Jogging in Circles. My own father abandoned us, so I grew up with low expectations of what role a dad should play in a child’s life. I should say that my grandfather was an amazing “fill-in dad,” but I carried the daddy issues around for a long time and it really left an impression on my self esteem.

So, to see my own husband pitch the 150th ball so that his son can hit one more bomb even though he (dad) has only slept four hours the night before, this really means a lot to me. Or, when he stops whatever he is doing to listen to our oldest sing him a new nursery rhyme truly melts my heart. And, even though my husband works about 65-70 a week, he makes it a point to call every night to talk to me and the kids, and he makes special Daddy days so he can have one-on-one time with them.

I love watching the relationship unfold between my husband and our boys. We are both still rookies at parenting, but I know I could never do it without him. I don’t have the perfect answer on what a Good Dad is, but I do know that my boys are lucky they have a dad that showers them with love. I couldn’t ask for much more than that.

Jen aka Huckdoll of Huckdoll’s Hood. To me, Good Dads not only spend time with their kids, but also show affection openly. As a child, my Dad was always very conservative, and displays of affection were (and still are) rare. I love seeing Dads cuddling, wrestling, kissing and hugging their kids with no reservation. Good dads discipline WITH mom and don’t just be the good guy.

They spend one-on-one time with their children and form bonds. A good dad does not spend all day Sunday, every Sunday, glued to the football game, while asking the kids to bring him cold beer. A good dad does not spend all day Saturday, every Saturday, on the golf course. Those days are prime family and bonding times for the working Dad, and good dads make time for their family.

Shannon aka Mr. Lady of Whiskey in My Sippy Cup. What is a Good Dad? That’s a tough question. NOT MY DAD would be my gut response. Anything better than my parents qualifies you for sainthood in my book.

To me, fatherhood is all about setting an example and teaching your children to be humble, mannered, driven, respectful and happy. I really subscribe to the 1950′s family dynamic that would get me stoned in the court of feminists. I think Dad should be the center of the family, when possible.

I think that a man’s presence in the home is so important for children, and sadly underrated much of the time. Dads bring something to the table that moms just can’t, and I couldn’t honestly say what that is. I do know that when my husband and I separated, my kids’ whole world fell apart. I just couldn’t give them that thing – that magic dad thing – that he brings. The look in their eyes when we were all under the same roof again proved that point for me.

The best thing I see fathers bring to the family isn’t the money, it’s the wrestling; the tossing a baseball on Sunday; the playing Monopoly until midnight; the french kissing mom right in the middle of the living room midday in front of the kids. Maybe they grimace and Ewwww at him, but deep down they see that Dad is passionate about Mom, and this gives kids a hell of a lot of security.

My husband gets exactly one day a week with our children (crappiest schedule ever), and the other 6 days I have to fill in. I coach Little League; I go to the track meets; and, I do the concerts. I cook every single meal and kiss every single boo boo, but that one day a week with Dad is better that Heaven or Chocolate for them. He makes it special. He crams it all in there. They golf and watch movies, and they really, truly play in the way I am just too tired to ever do. That is what they’re going to remember. That is what happy children and sweet dreams are made of.

It’s the fun, plain and simple things that make for a Good Dad.

Piper aka Piper of Love of Bliss in Bloom.

A good Dad is a man who teaches by example. Kids learn from what they see more than what they are told. He does what he says he will do.

If it’s important to his kids, it’s important to him. He laughs, he’s patient, he plays, he disciplines, and he says he’s sorry when he’s wrong.

And, he makes his kids feel safe by respecting their Mother.

Lori aka Mrs. Discovering Dad. One of my favorite quotes says, “It’s not babysitting if you’re taking care of your own kids.” I love to see a dad genuinely involved in helping to raise the kids, not standing on the sidelines or only pinch-hitting when needed.

Watching a man whose face lights up at the sight of his kids is wonderful. You can just tell that a dad is close to his kids by the way they react when first catching sight of him walking through the door. And when he drops everything to give them a big hug and kiss hello, it just makes me smile.

I know there are some good dads who aren’t like this, but it sure is nice having a dad who intuitively knows how to hold, feed, diaper, and calm a crying baby. Jeremy is awesome with infants (and kids, in general), even though he makes me nervous when he carries them like a football or throws them up in the air. He almost always gets up with our son Ty and calms him when he wakes up in the middle of the night, and even though we both change poopy diapers, I’m thankful that he volunteers to do it more than me (Ty is strong and a squirmer, which makes for a messy changing experience).

Seeing a dad play dress up with his daughter or roughhouse with his son, and not be afraid to look silly, no matter who is watching. Also, seeing a man cry the first time their kid gets hurt, and kissing the boo boos to make them “all better.”

Having a husband who now has a whole new appreciation for what used to be considered “women’s work” – raising the kids, keeping the house and holding a family together. He puts his ego aside, makes the best of all situations and does things to learn and grow as a parent, like write a blog about what it means to be a Good Dad.

Any other moms who want to share their thoughts about what a Good Dad is to them, please do – we dads want to know what kinds of things we do right, and get some ideas about what to do more often!

Alright Dads (and any other readers) – it’s time for you to speak. What are your thoughts about being a Good Dad? What did you learn from perspectives the panel shared? What are the things that you do to make a positive difference in your kids’ lives? Don’t be shy or humble – please share what you do to be a Good Dad!

Share your thoughts about this topic in the comments. Feel free to relate your comments back to the panel’s insights, or ask a question of them – they don’t have any problem telling the truth as they see it! You can also reply to comments made by others and get a real conversation going around this important topic.

This series has been one of the best things I’ve been a part of since I started blogging about a year ago. I can’t thank the 5 panel Moms enough, as well as all of the Dads who helped me put this together. Most importantly, though, I want to thank all of you for reading and commenting throughout the series – I looked forward every day to the next honest, sincere and engaging comment, and you all taught me A LOT about what it means to be a Good Dad.

Thank You Very Much!

Come back tomorrow to learn more about a great dad in the Spotlight On Dads weekly series.

I strongly recommend for everyone to add each of the ladies blogs to your ‘must-read’ list or RSS subscriptions. I’d also like to thank Jim at BusyDad, Tyler at Building Camelot and Jason at Roth Family Adventures for providing much needed feedback to me throughout the series – check them out too and subscribe to them as well.

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Related Posts:

What Moms Really Think About – Pet Peeves (Part 4 of 5)
What Moms Really Think About SEX (Part 3 of 5)
What Moms Really Think About Physical Appearance (Part 2 of 5)
What Moms Really Think About Marriage – The Good, Bad & Ugly (Part 1 of 5)
What Moms Really Think About – A Series for Dads (Series Intro)
Do’s & Don’ts of Motivating Dad (Series Instigator)

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