What Moms Really Think is a 5-part series featuring insights from Moms about specific topics of interest to Dads. The objective of the series is to explore relationships between men and women that have the added complexity of parenthood. The content is targeted at dads, but it is relevant to all men and women who are ‘married,’ parents or thinking of starting a family. Participation in the series is strongly encouraged – all points of view are welcomed in the comments.

For more information about the series and/or panel participants, see the series kick-off article.

Marriage is a blessing. Nothing beats the feeling of knowing you have a true and genuine partner in life. It’s also nice to feel like you’re not alone, especially if you have kids.

Marriage is hard. It requires sacrifice and commitment. Compromise is a way of life for married couples. Add kids to the equation, and the difficulty raises from Level 4 to Level 10.

Marriage is messy. It’s kind of like going to the zoo to see the monkeys, only there isn’t any glass to separate you from them. Inevitably, one of the monkeys gets pissed off and decides to hurl a big handful of poo at you. All of the baby monkeys feel bad because they see you crying, so they come over to help you clean up the mess. While picking the poo out of your hair, they get sick and spontaneously puke and piss all over you. Yes, my friends, marriage with kids is one big crap-puke-piss monkey fest. And you thought the zoo was fun? Sorry!

Here’s what the Moms had to say about marriage:

Kim aka Kimmylyn of Jogging in Circles. Marriage, to me, is like an awesome pair of old jeans that I have completely worn in. They fit incredible and make me look great. It took me a LONG time to find these jeans, and lord knows I tried more than a few on, but now I know how lucky I am to have found “the one.”

Challenges? Holy heck, there are a ton! If you would have asked me the day before I got married if I knew how hard it was going to be, I would have said, “nah, it’ll be fine – we know each other.”

The truth is it takes work. It is fulfilling, satisfying, soul-food kind of work, but it’s still work. Thankfully, as we grow, we do so together. It’s amazing for us to work towards the same goal and be happy with each other.

The good stuff in marriage is simple though. My husband makes me feel special when he comes over to me at night and just hugs me. A simple hug makes a big difference.

Jen aka Huckdoll of Huckdoll’s Hood. Being in a common-law relationship for over seven years has been quite similar to marriage, in my opinion. I don’t hesitate to call Baby Daddy my husband, but I usually refrain from it because it makes me feel old. I even wince when I’m called a wife.

I’m not quite sure what I love about being in a monogamous relationship, but I do like the male companionship, the financial aspect, the protection, the warm body in bed and the love itself. Love is good.

Even with the love, writing about the challenges in my relationship would be a novel. Baby Daddy and I have had issues from the ‘get-go,’ and I wouldn’t even know where to start.

That aside, this past weekend was a good example of Baby Daddy making me feel awesome. He let me sleep in ’till 10:30am on Saturday, turned off his Blackberry, postponed work, and arranged to go in early on Monday and Tuesday instead. He brought me a bottle of my favorite wine, and he was supportive of me going for drinks with a girlfriend after my workday on Sunday. It was a weekend for the record books. Me time = Happy Huckdoll.

Shannon aka Mr. Lady of Whiskey in My Sippy Cup. My husband, Josh, and I were married when he was 25 and I was 23. Which is exactly the right age to graduate college or buy your first Good Car. We, however, decided to have a baby and enter into a life-long contract together. Hindsight? Maybe not the brightest idea. My family placed bets at our wedding on how long we’d last. Ten years later, I think we showed them.

We have been happily married for 3 or 4 years, and excruciatingly painfully married for 6 or 7. The person you are at 23 is the stale crust piece of bread in the loaf of who you are going to become. We changed. A lot.

We grew, and, more or less, it was further apart with every year that passed. Why do we stay together? Because underneath it all, we can remember why we did this thing in the first place. I remember that he’s the smartest person I’ve ever met, and he remembers that no one has ever made him laugh harder. In a nutshell, we love the people we are becoming, even if we don’t understand those people yet. At times, we can’t even recognize those people, but we got married, yo. That piece of paper makes us try.

We don’t agree on everything (most things, some things), but we both believe that children need a parent at home – full time. We believe in dinner as a family, and Sundays at the park. Though the surface of us has changed (mine more so; three kids; SQUISHY), the core of who we are and what we hold to be important is still very much so the same. As long as we remember that, we can hammer through the rest.

When we got married, I signed up for nights out at bars, screaming Thin Lizzy songs. He signed up for a 98-pound chick with a great rack and some sass. We got none of that. Instead, we got grey hair, 50 pounds more weight, the Food Network, and carpets that look like a war was waged on top of them. We fought this for a long time, and in many ways, we still do. We are, more often than not, our own worst enemies. But when I watch him wrestle with the kids and he watches me read Dora for the 5,438 time, we realize how far we’ve come and how important the life we have built together is to us. When we look at all of this, we understand how lucky we both really are.

Piper aka Piper of Love of Bliss in Bloom. Marriage is hard. It takes constant work, but it’s worth it if you are with someone who makes you happy. Unfortunately, I married someone I barely knew.

I was young, and I did it because my family would have killed me if I had just lived with him. I knew I shouldn’t have been getting married when I was walking down the aisle. Then, I got pregnant the next week, and I grew up really fast.

Because I believe in commitment, I was determined to make it work. He didn’t believe in anything, except playing music and being cool. I lost myself because I tried to love him, and he didn’t try to love me at all. Being out of that mess is a blessing, even though it means I’m tagged with ‘divorced’ now.

I was given two beautiful boys though, so I can’t say I regret it. It was a learning experience. I hope that marriage is something that my future holds, but I’m in no rush. I just want to be happy with who I am and my life now.

Lori aka Mrs. Discovering Dad. A spouse is like your favorite childhood stuffed animal. You love it up, drag it everywhere, and snuggle up with it at the end of the day. Your spouse (like that favorite toy) will always be your best friend – you can’t imagine going places without him. It easy to take things for granted, and we sometimes forget to let our spouses know how special they are to us.

Having a rotten marriage is EASY. You fall in lust, get drunk, get a license, and get married. Then, you make each other miserable, until the day you get divorced or so I’ve seen. I do not know anything personally about rotten marriages, except that I love myself and my kids too much to ever be in one. If Jeremy was a SAMF, I’d eat him for breakfast. Thankfully, he’s not (love you honey!).

To me, having a successful marriage is like trying to navigate an obstacle course while being drunk. No matter how hard you try, you just keep falling down and making a fool of yourself. There are many times you want to give up out of frustration or embarrassment, but you just can’t and you don’t. Those committed to making a relationship work listen to the internal voice telling them to keep plugging away. After a while, the buzz wears off and you’re able to navigate the course (or die trying).

Any other moms who want to share your thoughts on marriage, please do – we dads are all ears!

Alright Dads (and any other readers) – it’s time for you to speak. As Chuck from D is for Dad says, “We [dads] should not be islands.” What do you think about marriage? What did you learn from perspectives the panel shared? How do you deal with the good, bad and ugly of marriage?

Share your thoughts about this topic in the comments. Feel free to relate your comments back to the panel’s insights, or ask a question of them – they don’t have any problem telling the truth as they see it! You can also reply to comments made by others and get a real conversation going around this important topic.

Part 2 of the series continues tomorrow with our panel sharing What Moms Really Think About Physical Appearances. Dads – does it really matter what you look like after marriage? Come back tomorrow to find out!

Related Posts:

What Moms Really Think About – A Series for Dads
Do’s & Don’ts of Motivating Dad
Is It More Important to be a Good Dad or Good Husband?

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