This post is Part 4 of 5. See Related Posts at bottom for links to all parts.

What Moms Really Think is a 5-part series featuring insights from Moms about specific topics of interest to Dads. The objective of the series is to explore relationships between men and women that have the added complexity of parenthood. The content is targeted at dads, but it is relevant to all men and women who are ‘married,’ parents or thinking of starting a family. Participation in the series is strongly encouraged – all points of view are welcomed in the comments.

For more information about the series and/or panel participants, see the series kick-off article.

Everyone has pet peeves. There are certain things people do that, for whatever reason, gets under your skin. At times, you can overlook these irritations, but eventually, if they are repeated often enough, it can lead to a huge blow-up or argument between couples.

Good people are irritating too. Even though your spouse is a wonderful person (most of the time), he or she is not perfect and, undoubtedly, has developed some habits or mannerisms that rub you the wrong way. It’s easy to overlook these things when calm, but what about when you’re stressed out? It’s hard to keep your temper in check, especially when your spouse is doing something irritating and the kids are driving you nuts too.

Irritating is not the same as disrespecting. Most pet peeves are personal – they are subjective. Some, though, are more than that – they are disrespectful. Both kinds warrant conversation between couples, so that they don’t escalate into resentment, hatred or worse. People don’t know what they don’t know (ya know?). Telling them how their behavior makes you feel gives them the opportunity to correct it, and when it comes to Dads, most of us want to fix these behaviors or reach a reasonable compromise.

Here’s what the Moms had to say about Pet Peeves regarding Dads:

Kim aka Kimmylyn of Jogging in Circles. There’s really only two things that drive me bananas about my husband:

1. My husband does not listen to me. I have to repeat appointments, party dates, etc, about five times before he hears me. I have tried a calendar, voice mails, text messages. He chooses to hear what he wants. We don’t fight about it, because fighting gets no where fast. I keep trying to find a system that will work. So far nothing, but I will not give up.

2. My husband does not see my burnt fuses. I will admit I have chosen to take care of the majority of the responsibilities in my household. My husband works 14-15 hours a day. I sympathize with his schedule. However, it gets me batty that he rarely sympathizes with my schedule. I work 34 hours a week, take care of the kids and run the household. I don’t like that I have to go to him when I have reached my breaking point, especially when I know he can clearly see it.

Jen aka Huckdoll of Huckdoll’s Hood
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. It pisses my off LARGELY when Baby Daddy: wakes up late in the morning and gives me dirty looks because he can’t find any clean underwear, when he throws his dirty clothes two feet away from the hamper, but not in it.

When he doesn’t call me if he’s working late (aka drinking beer and playing NHL 08 at work), or when he brings work friends home to hang out without calling me. These are ALWAYS the times I’m wearing sweats, socks with holes and a gravy stain on my white t-shirt.

Oh, and when he doesn’t bring home his Tupperware and throws them out instead.

Oh, oh, and when he doesn’t shave!! UGH. I can’t stand facial hair and he knows this.

‘NUFF SAID!

Shannon aka Mr. Lady of Whiskey in My Sippy Cup. I really, truly want to take a baseball bat to my husband when he doesn’t flip his socks out before I wash them. That is, by far, the worst part of being married.

Aside from that, the things that get to me the most are, in no particular order:

Possessiveness. If I go out with my friends, I do not want to have to A) ask permission, or B) call to check in. I understand some coordination is required, but please don’t make me grovel. I am a grown up, and I am allowed to go out. And I know how to call a cab. I’m fine. (Note in his favor: We resolved this issue years ago, and we were BOTH guilty of it.)

Thinking I am your mother. It is not cute that you forgot how to cook, and it is not considered Kinky to ask me to dress you in the morning. I know you can hold an iron, and that toilet isn’t getting any cleaner on it’s own. Speaking of toilets, when you plug it up, “Gravity” is not an effective plunger. It will not take care of that clog, no matter how much time elapses. And making me tend to your poo for you makes me not want to have sex with you. For a LONG time.

Your mother. Your mother is not my best friend. I do not want her knowing every little detail of my life. She may know every little detail of yours, but leave me out of it or I am going to send her the link to every porn site you “don’t” look at anyway. *wink*

The porn sites you don’t look at anyway. I get it that guys like porn. You’re human, and driven to “spreading your seed.” I don’t want to see it, touch it, or come anywhere near it. If you must look at it, I’d better be out. Shopping. I don’t make you watch MY porn (Food Network, and ANY Hugh Grant movie). Please extend me the same courtesy. And don’t let the porn replace me. If you get some great new ideas, you are more than welcome to try them out on me. But I’d better be getting some. In other words, as long as YOU don’t make it an issue, I won’t either.

Dumping the Child-Rearing responsibilities solely on my shoulders. You work 9-5, and I appreciate it. I do as much as I am humanly capable of, and honey? I work 14 hour sticky, disgusting, filthy shifts every day, and I am on-call the other 10. I need your help. I need to unwind in front of the computer with my tea just as much as you need to in front of the TV with SportsCenter. Please, PLEASE remember that. Please jump in occasionally without having to be asked.

Asking for too much. Don’t ask me for permission to go out with the guys, just tell me when you’ll be home. When you ask, it makes me feel guilty and controlling. Don’t ask me every time you want to Do It; sometimes, I just like it when you take it, you know? I’ll let you know if your timing is off, but I like it when you try. Don’t ask me what I need help with; you could help me by simply dusting or clipping coupons. Just help me, with anything. I’ll totally appreciate it.

Lastly, remember birthdays and anniversaries and holidays. Even that February one that I say is Way To Commercialized and I claim to hate…I really wish you’d bring me flowers one year. I’ll never admit it, though.

Piper aka Piper of Love of Bliss in Bloom. To be honest, I’m not really the pet peeve type.

Small things like toilet seats, and clipping toenails into the carpet don’t get to me. I would rather spend time laughing, and enjoying life, than spend time fretting about the small stuff. I’m really, mostly, pretty laid back.

Things that REALLY bother me are the big things, like lying, cheating, and being deceptive. Those things bother me because they are blatant disrespect. I can’t be with a man who I can’t respect, and I can’t respect a man who doesn’t respect me.

It does annoy the snot out of me when men clam up, and refuse to communicate. When it’s like pulling teeth trying to talk to someone, I usually just walk away.

Lori aka Mrs. Discovering Dad. Here’s a few of my pet peeves:

1. Telling me what we’re going to do. I know it’s not intentional, but it irritates me when I feel like you don’t ask for my input before making a decision.

2. Arguing a point to the verge of insanity. When I get upset, I get really upset, and I need time to calm down before we get to resolution. When you push me too hard, it gets even worse. Learn to just let it die, or talk about things later when we’re both calm.

3. Implying that your parenting routine and style is better than mine. As a working mom, it’s hard enough dealing with the feelings of wanting to be home with the kids. I don’t need to feel like I’m doing things wrong when I do spend time with them. Just let me make mistakes and learn do my thing – if I want or need your input or help, I’ll ask for it.

4. Not acting interested when I babble about how my day was. You could at least fake being interested a little better.

5. Screening your phone calls. ALL THE TIME. Ugggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

6. Expecting me to be a hard ass when Ty whines. I can’t do it, you know. For now, I’m the soft, snuggly one, and you’re the rough, fun one. We handle his whining differently.

7. Not having an opinion when we want to you have one. “Whatever you want to do honey” doesn’t cut it. Tell me what you want to do. I know that you’re opinionated, so give it up when I ask for it, like when I ask you what you want for dinner – “whatever” is not a food group!

8. Not cooking – ever. Maybe not ever, but pretty damn close to it.

Any other moms who want to share their Pet Peeves about dads, please do – we dads want to understand how you feel about this important topic!

Alright Dads (and any other readers) – it’s time for you to speak. What are your thoughts on Pet Peeves? What did you learn from perspectives the panel shared? Does your wife do anything that drives you nuts? Have you found a way to overcome these things that irritate each other? How? Please share!

Share your thoughts about this topic in the comments. Feel free to relate your comments back to the panel’s insights, or ask a question of them – they don’t have any problem telling the truth as they see it! You can also reply to comments made by others and get a real conversation going around this important topic.

Part 5 of the series continues tomorrow with our panel sharing What Moms Really Think About Good Dads. The series ends on a high note, with the Moms describing their thoughts about what it means to be a Good Dad. Come back tomorrow to see what our panel thinks!

Related Posts:

What Moms Really Think About SEX (Part 3 of 5)
What Moms Really Think About Physical Appearance (Part 2 of 5)
What Moms Really Think About Marriage – The Good, Bad & Ugly (Part 1 of 5)
What Moms Really Think About – A Series for Dads (Series Intro)
Do’s & Don’ts of Motivating Dad (Series Instigator)

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