This post is Part 2 of 5. See Related Posts at bottom for links to all parts.

What Moms Really Think is a 5-part series featuring insights from Moms about specific topics of interest to Dads. The objective of the series is to explore relationships between men and women that have the added complexity of parenthood. The content is targeted at dads, but it is relevant to all men and women who are ‘married,’ parents or thinking of starting a family. Participation in the series is strongly encouraged – all points of view are welcomed in the comments.

For more information about the series and/or panel participants, see the series kick-off article.

I used to be hot, but now I’m not. Now, I’m more like…average, or slightly below average, on the hotness scale. I’m close to the same weight as I was when I was hot, but it’s distributed A LOT differently. I used to have that whole Tom Cruise or Christopher Reeves thing going on, but now it’s more like a Tom Hanks or Buddy Lee thing.

I used to be confident, but now I’m slightly self-conscious. Although my wisdom and maturity has grown proportionate to my waistline, my ego has receded on pace with my hairline. One thing I am confident about is that my butt gets the same amount of attention as it did 15 years ago, only now it seems the magnetic attraction is reversed as it repels rather than attracts most objects.

How important are looks, though, now that I’ve been a dad for almost 14 years? I’d like to look hot again, for myself and my wife, but is that something she really cares about? To what extent does my looks affect our relationship? Is she repulsed by The Butt? Or, does outward appearance have little to do with how she feels about me?

Here’s what the Moms had to say about the importance of physical appearance:

Kim aka Kimmylyn of Jogging in Circles. Physical appearance is not as important as the sexual connection. I could give a laundry list of what I find physically attractive in a man, but speaking from my own experience it means nada. Do I want my husband to gain 100 pounds and stop showering? No, that would not be attractive.

I’ve had plenty of Mr. Gym Hotties come and try to pick me up with a lame ass line, but it just makes me want to smack that dude and say, “WAKE UP! It takes more than your fake tanned flexing biceps. Inject a little personality into your ass. Make me laugh!”

Should I mention that my husband is 5.5 inches shorter than me and weighs about two pounds less than me? Or, that I find him ridiculously sexy. He is flawless in my eyes. Why? Because he can make me giggle like a school girl. He reminds me how life is not as serious as I see it sometimes, and he keeps me grounded. He makes me a better person. Those are the kinds of things I find attractive.

Jen aka Huckdoll of Huckdoll’s Hood. Ha! Anyone that knows me, knows I love the boys! Specifically of the nice body, tattooed, skater or snowboarder, badass variety. That said, those guys are 99% of the time idiots and the moment they open their mouths, I am turned off.

As I’ve grown older, my taste in males has changed A LOT. I love guys with shining personalities – funny, smart, witty, talented. I would chose a guy with something to offer the world over a hottie covered in tattoos any day of the week.

Luckily, Baby Daddy is a reformed skater and bad ass who “got learned” and is now working for the largest video game developer in the world. That place is filled with geeks, but those guys have chicks hanging off them like crazy. Geek/nerd is pretty hot these days!

Shannon aka Mr. Lady of Whiskey in My Sippy Cup. Physical attraction is huge. It’s unavoidable, and a big part of what brings people together. By that, I don’t mean every girl is looking for Brad Pitt. I believe that people are, for lack of a better word, magnetically drawn to each other, genetically speaking. I believe that on some molecular level, we all have a perfect PHYSICAL match. I believe this is what brings the two people together who are both dormant carriers of some weird, rare genetic defect that manifests in their children; their bodies sought each other out. I, being a hairy girl, have always been pulled towards hairy men. Like, BACK HAIRY men. I can’t help it; it’s just what I crave.

I think once we get past that original physical pull, start brushing our teeth in front of each other and kick out a kid or two, we just get sloppy. The relief that we, as women, feel, when we can finally take those awful stilettos off and get in our Crocs, trumps all reason. I think it’s the same for guys. You can stop sucking in the gut and fart whenever you want. You’ve got that magic piece of paper that says she’ll love you anyway.

Once you’re married for a while, well, everything just changes. You grow, you age, your views shift, and your relationship takes several large hits to the gut. You can’t stop it from happening, but the one thing you can hold onto, the one thing that can take you back to that place when you first met and fell in love, is what you look like. With a brush of the hair and the right shirt, my husband can be that 25-year-old boy again. Maybe there’s a little gray mixed in there, and maybe he wears a larger belt, but the effort he puts into his appearance can still give me the same butterflies. Which pays off well for him, if you know what I mean.

What it comes down to, for me, is that I like to know that he cares enough, that I am important enough, for him to do the occasional sit-up. He and I could easily sit around all day in sweat pants, but when I put a bit of makeup on, and he wears his shirt with those great cuff links, it’s a small way to say, “I love you, and having you look at me like that still matters.”

Piper aka Piper of Love of Bliss in Bloom. I like men who look like men. I’m not attracted to pretty boys, at all. I think men should have muscles, and scars, and a big smile. I’m not attracted to outside appearance much…unless it’s Ami James, or Dave Grohl, then DAY-YUM!!

I look for kissable lips, nice hands, strong arms, and depth of character. They say that the brain is the biggest sex organ, and I agree. So, he’s got to be smart, and use his brain to get my attention. I like a guy who is a little aggressive, knows what he wants, and goes for it.

Confidence is sexy. And, integrity is an unbelievable turn on.

Lori aka Mrs. Discovering Dad. Is this a trick question? Are you asking about your appearance or mine? Not to sound shallow and narcissistic, but I probably think about, assess, evaluate, and stress over my own appearance about forty times more than I think about yours. I want to look good for me, and for you. I know that you can roll outta bed and throw on some jeans and still be hot. My look is, uh, more cultivated. It requires more effort, in case you hadn’t noticed.

When a relationship begins, appearances are extremely important in influencing attraction, and even dictating compatibility. Remember when we were HOT, honey? I mean SMOKIN’ hot, waiting for the day in the future when our MILF and DILF status would kick in?

Well, fast forward 10 years…our looks have “evolved” into something less than expected, but I think we are still pretty fine, in our own way. And, we’ve made some damn cute kid(s). On a scale of importance, especially after marriage and kids…appearance is probably a 6 outta 10.

Any other moms who want to share your thoughts on the importance of physical appearance, please do – we dads are all ears!

Alright Dads (and any other readers) – it’s time for you to speak. What do you think about the importance of physical appearance in yourself? What did you learn from perspectives the panel shared? Is your wife or significant other repulsed by you? Do you care about looks at all, or is it irrelevant?

Share your thoughts about this topic in the comments. Feel free to relate your comments back to the panel’s insights, or ask a question of them – they don’t have any problem telling the truth as they see it! You can also reply to comments made by others and get a real conversation going around this important topic.

Part 3 of the series continues tomorrow with our panel sharing What Moms Really Think About SEX. This was a contentious topic in a previous post, and it seemed like there were a lot of opposing points of view. Come back tomorrow to see what our panel thinks!

Related Posts:

What Moms Really Think About Marriage – The Good, Bad & Ugly (Part 1 of 5)
What Moms Really Think About – A Series for Dads (Series Intro)
Do’s & Don’ts of Motivating Dad (Series Instigator)

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